<p>You should tell your child - this is how much we can afford - even if you get accepted, if we don’t get X number of dollars, you can’t go. Plan and simple.</p>
<p>We did this. My daughter opted not to apply- although the school did offer (some) merit aid, there wasn’t any indication that it would be enough for our budget, particulary as our PROFILE EFC was way beyond affordable.</p>
<p>She didn’t like me, for stating what we could afford, although it was her decision not to apply, but still that choice was taken out of the running long ago, whereas her college roommate * did apply* to her first choice school and was accepted, but the money wasn’t there either.</p>
<p>I think that instance would be more difficult to move past- and indeed we read posts all the time by students thinking it is reasonable to take out loans in order to bridge the aid -need gap, instead of finding an affordable school.</p>
<p>I know many kids who have been very, very happy with their Americorps experience. I know my D thought about it for a time- she wanted a break from the intensity of academics before starting again. Obviously she decided against it, but it’s great to hear these success stories. </p>
<p>There clearly is more than one IT for every student. I think sometimes it’s hard for the student AND the parent to see that on occasion.</p>
<p>Go to the next on the list. Kids do not know for sure before they actually start attending, although they think that they do. D. (college junior) went to her #2 after rejection from #1 and now feels strongly that her current school was better fit for her anyway. Do not get too hung up to original college list. By the way, there were no sleepless nights in our life, not as much a an eye blink was wasted on decision making.</p>
<p>There are tons of scholarships and grants out there. Companies and organizations in your area might be able to help you. Have you exhausted all of these possibilities? Here’s a site that I work with sometimes at my job - they offer a free grant & scholarship guide book - it’s findacollegescholarship dot com. Good luck!</p>
<p>calmom quote: Every student needs a “financial safety” on their college list, preferably two.</p>
<p>Calmom is right… </p>
<p>So, have son apply to his “top choice” with the understanding that he must also apply to some matches and some financial safeties - “just in case” a bad situation happens (rejected or not enough $$).</p>
<p>Have him visit all of the schools where he will apply. My DS1 would never have chosen his financial safety IF he hadn’t gone there for a couple of visits first. He had to see the school “first-hand” to realize that it wasn’t some “consolation prize” school. When DS1 “first choice” didn’t offer enough merit $$, he happily went to his financial safety.</p>
<p>And, I have no problem telling a child…if you go to the cheaper college for undergrad, we can help you pay for grad school. BTW…since our DS1 took the big national merit scholarship, we bought him a car for graduation… …(it was cheaper than one year of college cost if he had gone to first choice school).</p>
<p>BTW…will you have more than one child in college at a time…that was also a big consideration for us.</p>
<p>I know that some parents do fill out the EZ online apps that only require transcripts and scores (no essays) and submit. Some don’t even ask their kids…no big deal to me either way. DS2 only wanted to apply to ONE SCHOOL…I asked him if it was ok if I did some online EZ ones, he said fine. In the end, he did go to his first choice…fine with me…that’s where his older brother is…LOL …I just wanted him to have a choice.</p>
<p>And…Emeraldkity is right…tell DS how much you are comfortable spending each year (keep in mind, prices go up EVERY YEAR for all things…tuition, room, board, etc). You are under no obligation to go into debt.</p>
<p>If you’re having a hard time getting your child to go on campus visits…dangle a carrot or make it fun. I remember when DS1 was a junior in HS, and he had NO INTEREST in the college process at all, much less a campus visit. </p>
<p>I just went ahead and booked some campus visits online, and told him we were going. LOL After the first college visit (to Clemson), he never fought me again. He actually liked “checking out” other schools after that. But, we did try to make the whole thing fun… For OOS schools, we’d arrive the night before, check out the “college haunts” on the college’s “strip,” see the school lit up at night by driving around, then do the campus visit the next morning.</p>
<p>I do not feel I will have failed my son if he ignores the information we’ve gone over many, many times about what we can afford. There are surely other schools he’d apply to if money were no object but he’s made a list of schools that he really likes and we can afford.</p>
<p>"There are tons of scholarships and grants out there. Companies and organizations in your area might be able to help you. " - D. has applied to very very many of these types, got nothing, not a single penny. She is on full tuition Merit scholarship which was given to her by her college and every single place that she has applied has given her huge Merit $$ with the largest package at very expensive private school. The chances of getting the one outside of college are extremely slim. In D’s case it was complete waste of time. Not to discourage, but to be realistic about it.</p>
<p>This thread IS interesting. D is actually at a school H forced her to apply to. She was even accepted by his top 25 alma mater, but he just insisted she look at this other school he’d fallen in love with for her. He took her to visit it two times. He said, “I really thnk this is the place for you.” (I never even went there because I never thought she’d choose it.) Now, she’s as happy as I’ve ever seen her. Her Dad continues to gloat. ;)</p>
<p>“I know that some parents do fill out the EZ online apps that only require transcripts and scores (no essays) and submit. Some don’t even ask their kids…no big deal to me either way. DS2 only wanted to apply to ONE SCHOOL…I asked him if it was ok if I did some online EZ ones, he said fine”</p>
<p>After the financial discussion with our daughter we had the above discussion. Told her that she was welcome to apply anywhere she thought she could get accepted (and some she had no hope for) but that it would eventually come down to affordability and how much debt any of us would be willing to incur.</p>
<p>I would (and did) apply for a couple of financial safeties for my daughter. None that required essays. I don’t think we will need them. but they are there so the OPs worst case scenarios don’t happen to us.</p>
<p>My daughter CLEARLY understood that if she did NOTHING in regards to HER choices then she would be going to ours. She seemed quite motivated to fill out applications (on her own and for EA) after she realized that if she didn’t she would be going to a parent chosen affordable local state U and might end up living at home.</p>
<p>poetgrl,
yes, that is how it works in many cases. It is impossible to know before attending and parents will know better because of their life experience. I did the same for my D when she was choosing HS, and she told me “Thank you” many many times and continues even now since she see how well her HS prepared her for college (D is college junior). Kids who are mature enough will listen to parents, some others just need to learn from their mistakes, which is another way of approaching life decisions.</p>
<p>Always apply to a financial safety.
Let youur child know that cost matters. If you can keep the costs down and loans low, the school is in the “pot” if accepted.</p>
<p>Older son is at his financial safety (and safety school)- his decision as we agreed to pay full cost of any school he attended. He took a full ride over the 50K Berkeley. He decided his safety offered him a lot and the money could be better spent on grad school. (And his safety was a good school anyway.) He is very, very happy at his school.</p>
<p>Younger freshman son- got in to all schools he applied to. Got offers of no merit to lots of merit aid. Had a choice of instate publics, OOS publics and privates to chose from . Ultimately he chose his in-state safety (with some merit aid) as they had a great program in his major, felt it was a great fit for him socially, was impressed at accepted students open house. He saved us lots of money in the end. We stressed program and not status of hte name of the school. He is very, very happy with his choice.</p>
<p>Crazed…your kids made some very thoughtful decisions. With so many parents only being able to afford undergrad costs OR grad costs, your kids were wise to defer spending your money until grad school. </p>
<p>When I hear of parents say…we’ll pay for undergrad, but not for grad school, and then the kid picks some pricey (but unnecessary) undergrad school, I often wonder…Why didn’t the parents give their kids a choice? Why only offer to pay for undergrad school? There isn’t any incentive to be economical with undergrad cost if the parents will ONLY pay for undergrad (no matter its costs). </p>
<p>Why not set an amount (whatever is affordable) and offer the kid the option of being economical with undergrad so that some or all of grad school is covered, too? </p>
<p>My kids chose their state’s flagship (with merit $$), so that we would agree to help with grad/med school. We’re all happy. :)</p>