<p>Okay, so I met this girl at a junior college and found out that we were both going to transfer to the same university, so we decided to room together. Well, the problems first started the day we moved in. The room we got has a weird layout where the closet is directly behind the door. So anytime we have the door open it covers half of the closet. She made me move my clothes into the crappy side of the closet. There are also two dressers in the room. One really nice one that has an extra 6 drawers and one really old crappy dresser that has 5 drawers. She made me move my stuff into the crappy dresser. The REAL problems started at night. Unfortunately, I am a very light sleeper, so I need a really dark and quiet room to sleep in. She likes to watch Netflix at night and type in her journal on her laptop. I honestly tried to deal with it for the first few nights. But our room is very small and her laptop lights up the entire room. The problem is that I also have a lot of health problems. I have chronic abdominal pain that can be triggered by the smallest things. (like, not eating or simply not getting at least 8 hours of sleep.) So my first few days of college were a living h*** because I was in pain because I didn't get enough sleep. After a few days I brought it up with her. I asked her nicely that if she wanted to watch Netflix or type in her journal past 11:00 pm that if she would please do it in the living room. She immediately said no, that it would be too much of a hassle for her to take her laptop into the living room. I also suggested that if she would just watch Netflix on her smartphone and she also said no to that. I told her that if she kept me up at night like this I was literally going to be sick 24/7. She told me that I should I should invest in a sleeping mask and some earplugs, because 'everyone has to make compromises.' Well, so far, it's just me compromising. So far she has gotten everything her way. And my mom who is in the medical field told me no on the earplugs because supposedly they mess with your breathing. And when I asked her what she was compromising on she said, "Well, you wake me up in the morning because you get up earlier." I get up at 7:45 for a 9:30 class. And she is in THE SAME class with me. I get up maybe 15-30 minutes before her. She has kept me up every night for 3-4 hours. If this goes on, I might have to end up dropping out of school because I can only handle so much pain for so long. Any suggestions? (Also, I am in a contract with an off-campus apartment.)
(One more thing. We had a problem the other night because our neighbors were blasting music, so I shut the window. The next morning she had a fit because I shut the window and said she was too hot at night and that it made her feel sick. How is this any different than my problem? She was adamant that we kept the window open.)</p>
<p>Woops, not an extra 6 drawers. It has 1 extra drawers, totaling 6.</p>
<p>Okay… agree she is being rude on the Netflix thing… but you could try the mask & earplugs. Give it a couple of weeks. That sounds like BS about the earplugs and breathing – but you don’t need your mom’s permission to go to the drugstore and purchase some, they are super cheap.</p>
<p>I am going to say that she did not MAKE you do anything when it comes to the crappy closet and dresser. You could have said no. Or negotiated a deal that you trade both at the semester break. You could try now about the semester change. Let her know that you did move your stuff, but you also would like the nicer half of the closet and the larger dresser. So it seems fair to trade at the semester break.</p>
<p>Because you are not in a dorm, I guess you do not have an RA to help you negotiate a true compromise with her.</p>
<p>It does sound like you might be a person who would be better off with a single room… if you make it through this year, you should try to get a living arrangement where you have your own room next year.</p>
<p>Sounds like you were a total pushover when it came to the dressers and closet… she “made” you move you stuff? Next time stand up and say no, or let one person have first pick of dressers and the other first pick of closets. You could also try that now, confront her about the closets and say that it’s not fair she has the better halves of both.</p>
<p>For sleeping, I haven’t heard anything about earplugs causing breathing problems… after a quick search online, it seems like a lot of that is more anxiety related than a physical problem. I’m a really light sleeper, so I do have earplugs, I slept with them in for most of last year, and they really helped with the noise thing. But it sounds like your real problem is with the light from her screen. If that’s the case, get an eye mask… they’re cheap, and it’ll solve your problems.</p>
<p>A less ideal option, but still maybe feasible: You said you have a living room, would it be possible to convert that into a second bedroom? Drag a bed in there and stay out of each other’s space when it’s bedtime? I don’t know your situation or if that’d help at all, but figured I’d mention it.</p>
<p>Maybe you can find a way to get her to compromise on the noise stuff. Is there anything you do that she complains about? If there is, maybe you can try and fix that, in exchange for her being quieter (or having fewer lights) at night. That way it wouldn’t just be her putting in the effort.</p>
<p>It sounds like you’ve tried talking to her and haven’t made much progress… I can’t imagine either of you are too happy with the situation, though she seems a bit better off than you are. Is it too late to find other housing, and leave her to be someone else’s problem? I know there are two sides to every story, but the way you’re telling it doesn’t sound like she’s super open to compromises.</p>
<p>She beat me to the apartment on move-in day, so when I got there she had left me the crappy dresser and the crappy side of the closet. ‘Left’ would be a better word. I didn’t want to cause problems that day because everyone’s parents were there helping with the move-in, which means her parents knew that she left me the crappy stuff. I wasn’t sure that if I brought it up if they would tell me “you snooze you lose.” If she does move all of her stuff out at the end of semester (which I think she is) I will make sure to get there first next time so she gets the crappy stuff.</p>
<p>Nope, we don’t live in a dorm, so I’m kind of on my own on this. I’ve already looked into finding private room apartments whether it’s at semester or for next year, and she is not coming with me. (She does not know this yet, of course.)</p>
<p>As for the earplugs, I honestly don’t know. But I would be willing to deal with the eyemask, but I feel like if I also do the earplugs I’m the only one compromising. That, and I’m not sure I would be able to hear my alarm go off, because it is only a vibration from my phone that wakes me up. (And if I put it on sound that would not be okay with her, even though hers is on sound.)</p>
<p>Anytime you have a room mate, there will need to be negotiations. Sit down with her and discuss some of the problems, and offer some compromises. She could get earbuds or headphones for the Netflix, and you could get a sleeping mask. She could have either the best closet or the best dresser, but not both. Let her choose, but make it clear that it’s not fair for her to have the best of everything. Get a fan so that the window can be closed if it’s noisy outside.
You need to be more assertive. The fact that you say “she makes me” do such and such, shows that you are very passive and don’t know how to stand up for yourself. Now is a good time to practice. Good luck!</p>
<p>I wouldn’t be able to move my bed into the living room because the apartment is fully furnished and there are two other roommates. They’ve talked about me moving rooms (nice that they included me in this conversation. Not.) but one of the other roommates is the same, she wants to watch Netflix at night in bed, and the other one is socially awkward who only wants to room with the other roommate because they are friends.</p>
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<p>If she says this, then say that you’re compromising by using earplugs, but if you use earplugs, you need to turn up your alarm so that you can hear it. Her alarm sounds in the morning, so it’s only fair that yours does as well. If she’s not okay with this, then she should “invest in some earplugs.”</p>
<p>It’s hard to know what’s really going on because we’re only hearing one side of the story (I’m not saying that you’re in the wrong here, but I’ve shared an apartment with two roommates who were almost exactly like you and your roommate. They both told very different stories about the situation, and to be honest, I sided with the roommate who watched videos.). The only thing you can really do is stand up to her. Try to be polite and fair, but don’t let her walk over you. If the situation doesn’t improve, try your best to find another apartment and someone to take over your lease here, as soon as you can. And definitely seek out a single room for your next living arrangement, so that you don’t have to deal with these problems in the future, especially since you know that you have a medical condition that requires a quiet, dark room at night.</p>
<p>Ikea sells a wire system that very neatly attaches to the walls (or ceiling) (easily patched when taken down so no damage is done) to hang a curtain from. You could do so, and pull the curtain (get black fabric) at night to block the light from roomie’s computer. another idea is to arrange the beds so that they face opposite directions. That cuts the light way down, so that if a person is sitting in bed reading or using computer, the light is facing away from the other roomie. Really works, my D and her first roommate set the room up this way…You need to get your roommate on board with creatively solving this problem. It’s minor, but irritating, and completely “fixable”.</p>
<p>You have to revisit her going into the LR to watch movies. That is absolutely the best plan for someone who wants to stay up hours after the other one. There is little inconvenience to her so I’d put my foot down on this. It is too bad the 2 night owls don’t room together, try again.</p>
<p>Since you’ve got two other people living with you, go to them for help. They’ll be able to get both sides of the story, and can say a lot more objectively than us what is/isn’t fair. Ask if they’d be willing to mediate the problem for you. You still need to be more assertive if you want anything to get fixed, and you’ll still need to talk/compromise with your roommate, but having a third person there could help determine if something is being unfair/unbalanced, and they’d be able to see both sides of the story.</p>
<p>Swapping with the other night owl Netflix apartmentmate might also help, if they’d be okay with that. Have you tried asking them about it? From a logical point of view, the sleeping schedules might work out better, and you’d all still be in the same apartment anyways.</p>
<p>Otherwise, set your alarm nice and loud, and go get yourself earplugs and an eyemask. Either you need to be assertive, or you’re going to be the one who has to compromise and deal with it.</p>