What do you guys think of my college essay SO FAR

<p>Remember, it's not complete .. obviously .. but can you guys give me feedback, what do you guys honestly think? I know it's not great .... but please be honest.</p>

<p>Topic is on "Second Chances"</p>

<p>As I was riding my brand new, appealing bicycle on the sidewalks of my town in 6th grade, I had realized this was the first time ever to experience something new and unexpectedly challenging. I didn’t feel too optimistic about going back home without collapsing and getting bloody scars on my pad-less knees, but I firmly believed in myself and detached my mind from a loser’s mind: “I can’t do it.” As the bike went smoothly on the clean and empty sidewalks, the tires met an enormous piece of rock, causing me to fall and hurt myself. This revealed that I lacked awareness as my parents and peers always advised me to stay safe. The incident repeated a couple times until my parents finally told me that biking was something I couldn’t do successfully and that I should not even think about bringing the bike out of the garage ever again. For a long period, my parents strictly prohibited me from using the bike, which really limited my outdoor activities. Going to the deli to buy candy or going to a friend’s house to work on a project together just wasn’t easy and self-comforting as it was before. I wanted a second chance to ride my bike again without being incautious like I used to be. I wanted to be a safe bike rider with my helmet and pads on at all times to show the greatness of safety in my neighborhood, which is infested with kids riding their bikes like the kids are Lance Armstrong or professional cyclists. Every time I went into my garage, gazing at the bike brought a smile to my face. I was willing to change and be more alert. At that time, my developing brain wasn’t completely mature so it wasn’t until 7th grade until I fully realized that one big mistake can hurt me, and even kill me if I’m not careful of what I am doing. A person willing to change will always learn from his or her failures and make those broken pieces of failures a beautiful gallery of success. </p>

<p>Speaking of failures, many people in this world wish that they could turn back the clock and relive a particular event, period, or situation where they failed whether it maybe getting that poor grade in the Finals or missing that crucial free throw to win the game. I firmly believe that everyone deserves a second chance in life. It’s like a glorious gift for people who have made faulty mistakes and wrong decisions in their past. If a second chance is not given, the only things that will remain in one’s mind would be regrets and wishes for a new opportunity. </p>

<p>thanks</p>

<p>It’s on the right track, but honestly, it’s lacking strong active, unconventional phrasing.</p>

<p>Example:</p>

<p>…an enormous rock, causing me to fall and hurt myself.</p>

<p>Instead, you can write …an enormous rock, heaving me off balance…</p>

<p>The “enormous” is also pretty conventional.</p>

<p>Just my 2 cents.</p>