@mrnostalgia Thank you for your post. I can definitely see how your first semester at UA could be the way you described. My first semester felt a lot like yours. I remember telling my family “I’m just waiting for the year to start” into October. Add in a nontraditional class schedule (2 online classes and 3 evening classes), roommate issues, and my first semester was probably my least favorite semester. FWIW, I probably liked the second semester of my junior year the best as I had just turned 21, had a great group of friends, an excellent job, and a great group of classmates.
Making true friends can be very difficult. Some people can be flaky, some change personalities, and some people just grow apart. It’s one reason why I encourage students to branch out and try different things. It’s not likely that you’re going to meet all of your good friends during your first couple weeks on campus or even the first year.
Clubs can be an interesting experience and do vary in outlook and typical activities. The first couple clubs I joined were of the resume building type and it felt like being in another class. I later joined some smaller clubs geared more to specific interests and made a lot more friends through that. We’d go out to dinner, trivia, celebrate holidays at peoples apartments, etc.
It’s not always easy for straight guys to find girlfriends or one night stands. This is actually one area where gay and bi guys have it a lot easier despite the much smaller dating pool and many guys being closeted. All I can really suggest is to not specifically go out looking for a girlfriend. Be yourself and be respectful towards everyone. I’ve known a number of smart, beautiful women who’ve had a hard time finding good boyfriends who are nice to their friends, which often include a number of gay and bi men.
You are correct that it’s not easy for independent guys to get into a fraternity party or even a lot of house parties. You have to know people and gain their trust. You also really have to consider why you’re going to a party. Are you going to meet women and maybe get drunk or are you going to have long conversations with people over a couple of cocktails and maybe join an impromptu dance party? Small house parties can be very enjoyable and cops aren’t likely to go around shutting down what are essentially private dinner parties where a lot of the participants are 21+ and people aren’t making tons of noise.
I absolutely agree with what everyone has said. There are still other opportunities to party and other women to meet at UA. I am simply trying to convey the unadvertised truth that as a non-Greek at UA you can sometimes feel like a second-class citizen, and that this does occasionally bother me. A few other examples that you won’t learn by going on a tour or reading a brochure are the fact that campus politics is dominated by the Greek system (http://www.welcometothemachine.info/media.php?ID=44) and Greeks receive special seating at football games.
I am not being a negative nancy, I’m just trying to tell things that interested kids might not otherwise learn. Also, while these factors aren’t necessarily unique to UA, they are magnified at UA because, like other Deep South colleges, UA emphasizes Greek life more than West Coast or Northeastern schools.
Also Chardo I apologize if it seemed like I was touting my looks–I assure you I’m not some gym rat egomaniac. I was simply trying to get across that even if you had success with girls in high school there’s a least one reason why you might not have it as much here in Tuscaloosa.
I can also confirm there are fun house parties to attend that aren’t organized by fraternities because yes, there are non Greek human beings at UA. But there’s no doubt these are hard to find and also difficult if you’re a new student without a car.
Thanks for everyone’s constructive criticism and Roll Tide
Points all well taken. Note that Honors College also has special seating at football games, and general student seating is first come first serve. If you want a great seat, just get there early. My son sits in the front row or two of every football and basketball game. We see him on TV all the time.
I think it’s important for those who are coming to Bama and who won’t be rushing to participate in WOW Week, AA, OA or Camp 1831…and participating in Get on Board Day
I totally agree with M2CK, it is a great idea for Out of State Students to participate in one of these programs. It helps to get your foot in the door early, and meet some students with common likes even before classes begin. Another thing is to be open to new ideas and activities. Football is big on campus and in Alabama. I had a student who had only gone to a few homecoming games in HS and really had little interest in football, but he tried participating, and within a few weeks when football season began, he was right there on the front lines. As @Chardo mentioned about his son, I was able to see mine on TV many times, it certainly made watching from home that more exciting.
@mrnostalgia I do appreciate your honesty and your opinion. However, I still caution prospective students that it is only one opinion.
As for the politics of the campus…if it bothers any student, then I encourage them to get involved with campus politics and try to make changes. With two-thirds of the campus as independent (not Greek), a strong candidate could make changes. However, I believe many individual students simply don’t bother to vote, because they are non- affiliated, not interested in student/campus politics, are misinformed, or just not into the process yet. It is the same in the outside political arena, where unfortunately many Americans do not exercise their right to vote.
As an aside, I just want to note that those students who are not “political” (the majority of those I know) don’t seem to be affected by the " political atmosphere" of the campus. They are typically busy with their college classes/studies, on/off campus jobs, co-ops, study abroad opportunities, sports, activities, volunteer work and a hundred other collegiate activities I could mention.
Also, many students who are Greek and non-Greek are friends and roommates. There is not a clear divide, which I think has been exaggerated.
@Sea_tide, @mom2collegekids, @Robotbldmom- your responses are on point, as usual. I am glad to see that many of the parents (and Seatide who is an alumnus, not parent) responded to this struggling student by providing good feedback. I don’t think his experience is typical for many who attend Bama. I do think that going away to college sounds great to kids and then they realize that it is an adjustment. On the one hand you are dying to get away from your parents and then when you do you feel lonely to be on your own in a dorm. That was my experiences, but I adjusted and had a great time in college.
Wow…just wow. @Chardo- It sounds like your son has thrived at Bama. That is wonderful and I pray my kid has the same experience. However, I also hope your son has developed compassion so that he can respond to others in a kind way. If he did he must have picked that up at Bama as well.
@Mrnostalgia- You would have probably experienced this adjustment at any college. It sounds like you are adjusting your expectations and realizing that college isn’t all about “being tossed a beer” at every turn. Continue to join activities and get involved and I am sure you will find your niche.
@InvolvedmomFL My son hasn’t developed compassion and kindness at Bama. He brought that with him to college. Competitive during the game, gentle giant afterward.
Today is one of those competitive days for him. Bama volleyball is kicking serious butt in their tournament, undefeated in pool play, including sweep of Auburn
Two other places for kids hanging out and a good place to meet friends and potential gf/bf - at the rec center, and at some of the church gatherings/socials. If you go to some of the class tutoring sessions, do any study groups, additional opportunities. Sometimes getting connections via room-mates. There are opportunities, one just needs to look around. Also smile!
My DD had an early honors Bama Bound, and she had her classes but a brutal Monday. We were able to get into an earlier calc class and a more agreeable chemistry class for her schedule. The first semester at school may have the challenges both on the schedule and adjusting to college. Someone may be use to being a ‘big man on campus’ at their HS and just needs some adjustment time - all of a sudden one is in a big pond.
A little humility never hurts, being nice and kind to everyone you meet.
Another good way to meet people and potential significant others is doing clubs that aren’t resume builders. I know people go ballroom dancing and meet people or Crimson kindness. There are plenty of ways to meet people without being involved in greek life.
@SOSConcern describes exactly what happened to a local kid who attended Bama this past fall. This kid was popular in high school and it sounds like they did not anticipate how different college would be. She told DD that “Bama sucks.” We could see through it and realized that she was having a hard time with the fact that for once she had to put herself out there and try to make friends with others. She was a member of the popular group in high school. This person wound up leaving after one semester and is attending school at an instate college with the group from high school.
College life is not a beer commercial and it sometimes you need to work through situations and learn from them. Kids are faced with these challenges at every college- not just Bama. Not all people can handle it and many people don’t believe that they need lessons in humility. I guess they don’t learn from experiences and grow as people.
The OP sounds like he is on the right track and I hope he learns to thrive at Bama.
Looking back on my own personal experiences with people I grew up with, I noticed how some students ‘peak’ in middle school, some in HS, and some peak beyond.
There are transitions on many levels going from HS to college. Some students do not take a rigorous enough HS course load, or do not apply themselves/develop study skills. Some have difficulties with the freedoms of college life. Some have the transitional social situations, and like @involvedmomFL said, liked the feeling of popularity in HS and didn’t give it time to put herself out to make friends at UA. A college can give support in many ways, but a student has to take the initiative and put forward the efforts.
I just came across a book (I haven’t read this book) on Amazon Books “You’re on your own (but I’m here if you need me) Mentoring your child during the college years” 2009 by Marjoire Savage.
Parents can encourage and be supportive w/o being ‘intrusive’.
