Plenty of people hate being doctors even though they attended medical school at 25, not 18.
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My future dil was pushed to med school by her US born, non-ethnic, educator parents. She went along with it all through college up until 2020 when she was a Junior in college. Her MCAT was cancelled and she did some soul searching and realized that she would be miserable going through med school, internships and residency. (She had a 3.97 GPA, would have done well on the MCAT, and lots of hours outside of school). She determined that she wanted to be a PA not an MD and that is what would make her happy. She told her parents and they would not talk to her, took away all the money they had saved for years for her education (she had a full ride undergrad so hadnât used it) that they had promised she could have for Med school and still ask her every time she is home when she will be taking the MCAT? Umm never, she is in her first year of PA school. When trying to figure out why this was so important the mom just said that her daughter would be wasting her life as a PA and that everyone she knew expected the daughter to become a Dr. Now she is pushing one of the younger children in that direction and telling them they will get their sisterâs education money plus their own. I do not get it either. She is very happy doing what she is doing. She is getting married this summer (her mom is fine with that decision) and my son will be a DVM. They will have a great life. I do not get what her momâs issue is so Iâm with you on not getting it.
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I know that for some of my kidsâ friendsâ parents, the big push for their kids to pursue only certain professions comes from a place of: (a) wanting financial security for your kids in their adulthood; (b) wanting them to have a stable job where you wonât worry about them paying their bills; (c) coming from very humble beginnings in their country of origin (not the US).
This is a topic that my DH & I have debated on and off for the past 2 yr. ODD (D24) is in 11th grade and our younger child is a 9th grader. D24 is really interested in all things biology & healthcare. DH picked up on that right away and started pushing D24 to consider med school after college. I meanâŠhe started talking about this when she was in 9th grade. (insert eye roll here) 
For awhile, D24 would say that she wanted to become a doctor. But when you asked her WHY, it was âso I can make money.â DHâs ultimate reason for wanting D24 to become a doctor?
So he can brag about it.
I told him flat out thatâs the dumbest reason in the world for you to be pushing our kid through $200-$400k of grad school loans, about 10 yr of hard core studying & cramming and all thatâŠjust because you want to brag to your friends and other relatives that your kid is a doctor.
So DH then switched gears and started pushing D24 to pursue computer science or engineering instead. Again, for bragging rightsâŠand so âshe can get a useful degree and so I can have some âreturn on investmentâ on paying for college.â More bickering then between DH & I behind closed doors.
Thankfully, D24 is outspoken and told DH to back off and stop nagging her because sheâs not going to be an engineer.
During last summer through this past fall, I had conversations periodically w/D24 where weâd explore different Youtube videos, watch online presentations & stuff like that which would compare the different types of health professions typical grad schools - MD/DO, dental school, nurse practitioner, pharmacist, PA, physical therapy. The info we found was really helpful and it laid out the pros and cons of each.
D24 did some thinking about it and at least for now, has decided that med school probably isnât for her. Why? She wants to be able to have a life outside of work. She also wants to get married and maybe have kids some day and knows thatâs a lot of workâŠand doesnât want to have to miss out on a lot of stuff because she has to work nights and weekends and every holiday as a resident.
So sheâs most interested right now in the PA route.
Is that where sheâll end up career-wise? No idea. The kid is only 16 1/2. She can change her mind. Meanwhile, my DH is mourning the doctor or engineer which will never be. I periodically remind him that the goal is for our kids to end up responsible, well-adjusted adults who can support themselves and thereâs a lot of ways to achieve that.
âŠso heâs now switched to D26 and wants her to study computer science. She, too, is pretty open w/DH & I and has told DH that right now, computer science is out because of all the math, but MIS is a strong possibility (sheâs taking a computer science class at school this year and likes it).
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These plus bragging rights.
I heard a comedian (forget his name, maybe Hassan Minhaj??) say that for most Asian families from the subcontinent career options are a doctor, an engineer or a failure.
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Hmmm, do they appreciate the work of the âfailuresâ delivering food and other goods that they use?
Only if they become successful:
Fast forward to ~2 min.
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Poor thing; luckily she has your DS and you. Our neighbor is a PA; he immigrated decades ago and went to school in the states. He actually bought his whole practice years ago. They raised 3 children, have a great business and live in a million dollar+ house on the lake, doesnât sound too shabby of a life to me 
A lot of people in our neighborhood are PAâs or CNPâs; I donât get why people would consider it a âlesserâ career; I just donât understand some people.
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From a parentâs point-of-view, you need to push your kids, otherwise they donât learn things like hard work, self respect, and the confidence gained from seeing the fruits of work. And, we have to expect that a teenager isnât going to like it. Their first instinct is to take the car and play with their friends without restrictions. THAT part can be psychologically damaging if left unchecked. Sleeping-in until noon, being on Instagram, and playing in the evening can lead to things like eating disorders, or worse. That happened to us during summer vacation. The parentâs job is to reign that in. That does the opposite of psychological damage. It teaches them balance, which will serve them well in college, and family later. Are we pushing our daughter to get into Harvard? No, but we expect her to study and get good grades.
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A lot depends on the kid, though. My daughter pushes herself harder than I ever could and, in fact, NEEDS me to be the one to tell her to slow down, spend time with friends, relax, etc. If I pushed in tandem with her own self-pushing, she would likely end up with a nervous breakdown. Sometimes kids need just the opposite from their parents - someone to tell them that itâs OK not to be perfect, that you donât have to break your back working, and thatâs it OK if you arenât able to do everything.
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Youâre rightâŠI might be the anomaly here. CC tends to attract high/over achieving kids.
I donât know if youâre an anomalyâŠI think itâs just a reminder that all kids have their own personality and individual needs and itâs up to parents to recognize what their kid needs to do well and to meet those needs - whether that means pushing a bit, or backing off. Thereâs no one size fits all in parenting - and I actually think thatâs a mistake that some parents make, they take various advice and âtried and trueâ parenting methods and apply those to their own kids without considering their kidâs individuality and personality type.
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How many people do you know who say âI wish my parents had made me keep playing the piano!â I am guessing that few of these kids enjoyed it. But the experience planted the seed that good things can come of enduring some unhappiness.
The same mentality makes parents drive their kids - they feel they understand the outcome/suffering trade-off better than their kids do. They want their kids to be successful, even if they are misguided by what success is and can be. And for those who have faced discrimination, there is often a sense that certain credentials and careers provide some insulation from that.
Itâs misguided and regrettable but rarely malicious.
My son was the same way. He needed to be pulled back pretty hard, whereas my daughter needed to be pushed.
Because of these differences, my college recommendations to them were quite different. My daughter thrived at a place known for being demanding, and there she found out what she was capable of. My son is thriving at a place where the program can be as easy or difficult as students want it to be. He now challenges himself in his major and takes easy classes otherwise.
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Thatâs interesting because Iâve also been trying to encourage my daughter into a less competitive college environment, simply because I want her to be able to relax a bit for once and not burn out before sheâs 20. Of course, that is not what she wants. In the end, however, itâs will be in the hands of the AOsâŠ
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Note that this can depend on desired major and career path as well as college. Pre-med tends to be more competitive, while colleges that have competitive secondary admission to popular majors can also have a more competitive environment in those majorsâ prerequisite courses.
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Yes, but only to a point. At every level of ranking you can find colleges that are extremely demanding, and others that are much less demanding. For example, Cornell is ranked roughly the same as Brown, but they couldnât be more different.
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And within any of those colleges you can always find more demanding options. For example I pushed S to apply to prestigious graduate scholarships (Truman and Marshall). Even though he didnât win, the process itself (which involved planning activities over two years starting early in sophomore year of college) was rewarding, particularly in helping him think strategically about his future.
But it works for some personality types (kids who are driven and competitive) and not for others.
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My high achieving son chose a lower ranked school that had a great pre-veterinary track. He had a ârelaxedâ undergrad - as much as you can in classes full of pre-med and pre-vet students. His classes were very challenging and he was able to start vet school after 3 years with top grades and not as stressed out as others and is at the top of his class in his third year competing against a lot of kids from high ranking schools. So saying this it depends on the student, and the degree as to how hard you push and where/if you push them to go to certain ranked schools.
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I want to agree with you, but at my school I see people who donât really enjoy it and they end up failing out, so its really painful. Its kind of good to weed them out before they get to that point.
There are as many education systems in Europe as the number of European countries. Your statement about Europe is a sweeping generalization and as such inherently incorrect.
I grew up in one of those European countries and was the first one in my working class family to attend university, thanks in great part to the fact that the university admissions system was straightforward and costs were affordable. My older brother tracked into vocational training at age 14, had a successful and well paid career as a draftsman, and at age 25 passed the exam that allowed him to attend university as a mature student. There are several ways to get into university even if you donât follow the direct route.
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