<p>the only story I have heard from D at Reed was I think freshman year, when a friend who lived in Chicago ( and whose father was a prof at UChicago) invited her to spend the winter holidays with him- * oh yeah chicago in the winter*
She told him, she didn't have the money for airfare, he told her to just get it from her parents- du'oh
( this was after 9/11 and employment in the aircraft sector was pretty bad)</p>
<p>oh we also didn' t have a washer and dryer for a year or so,- when we finally got one, D told her friend " my parents got a washer AND a dryer!"- " um - so?" ;)</p>
<p>"I knew of a Jewish professor who left the Berkshires because he wanted to raise his children in an orthodox environment, and he also really didn't care for the administration or other faculty. Perhaps he thought that they were anti-Semites? My take on the situation was that the professor was a malcontent who constantly sought excuses for why people distanced themselves from him."</p>
<p>Yup. Just another malcontent, looking for excuses. :o</p>
<p>You'll have to take my word on this one Mini.. I knew him quite well, and felt very badly for him. I presume you know whom I am referring to. Apparently, he is still not happy after his transition.</p>
<p>I walk through AE every day to get out of the building. I hardly ever see any customers there. I'd be surprised if they last. They do have a strange trans-sexual security guard. I'm not sure what team he/she is on.</p>
<p>In college I dated a women whose family owns an island off Mass--the same one Kerry went to in his younger days. It was a little too weird and I was not unhappy when she dumped me for a mandolin player in a bluegrass band.</p>
<p>I agree that this issue probably varies quite a bit by location. Like Sybbie's D, my son is at Dartmouth, where the prevailing fashion seems to be t-shirts, jeans and Dartmouth sweatshirts. His group of friends doesn't seem to be aware of financial differences -- many are from academic/research families, so are probably comfortable financially. We could be comfortable financially, but since we are full pay for Dartmouth and have another at a private high school, there's no money for frivolous things. But then we've always lived that way. Our big expenses have always been education and music lessons, and we never indulged the kids in any kind of 'label mania.' I also think that Dartmouth students downplay any affluence. I have a good friend whose son is a senior, and who is independently wealthy. When we ran into her son at school, he could have passed for any poor student -- old t-shirt and shorts, and holes in his tennis shoes. But I also know that this friend raised her children to be very down-to-earth.</p>
<p>This is one reason why I had concerns about Columbia and Duke. I thought that the entertainment expenses in NYC would be enormous, and I felt that there might be more of an awareness of wealth at Duke. I really enjoy the more modest atmosphere I see at Dartmouth.</p>
<p>"This is one reason why I had concerns about Columbia and Duke. I thought that the entertainment expenses in NYC would be enormous"</p>
<p>I actually don't think that the entertainment expenses in NYC would be enormous. There are many free events in a city like NYC, and I imagine there also are reduced prices that students can get for tickets to many events.</p>
<p>In addition, there are lots of cheap restaurants in NYC. I have friends who lived in NYC for grad school and seemed to be able to do lots of things even though they were on a limited budget. </p>
<p>I have the feeling, too, that the things that students who live in NYC would do for entertainment would be very different than what people would choose to do who only get to visit NY in a blue moon.</p>
<p>My sons economic position at Williams is pretty much middle range he has some fabulously wealthy friends, some who are watching every dollar and most squarely middle. There are two separate, but related, issues here. What do you need to spend to function and what do you need to spend to fit in with your social group? The rural campuses ARE cheaper than urban environments. Unless you shop on line there just isnt much to spend money on no chichi restaurants, expensive clubs, status brand stores. Williamstown doesnt even have a Starbucks, let alone a J. Crew or Banana. Everyones daily needs are much the same and it doesnt take a lot of money to get by AND to fit in. Id estimate that my sons incidental spending is something like $25 a month.</p>
<p>Now, on top of that layer the got-to-have-it spending. For trips and special social events, the rule of etiquette is go with the lowest common denominator. They want to include the whole group so they budget toward the person with the least money. Im sure there must be a few wealthy kids who like to flaunt advantage, but from my sons experience this kind of behavior is absolutely NOT DONE. Money, family, social advantage is not talked and certainly not bragged about and in an environment where kids dress down (or are covered up most of the year in polyfill jackets and mufflers) its not readily apparent whose family has money and whose doesnt. </p>
<p>Clothes are another thing altogether. Ive worked in the fashion business and believe me convincing people to buy a brand is the whole point of marketing. Some people, including college students, are most susceptible than others. At Williams and other schools like Amherst and Dartmouth that have a whitebread image, Ive found the kids to be actually less brand and status conscious than at the more traditionally middle class schools. (These are my observations as an industry insider; not from statistical research.) Sure, there are the fashion victims and serious shoppers on all campuses, but in general these kids avoid making a personal statement in their clothing: generic jeans, khakis, t-shirts, sweatshirts the family income level is deliberately not evident from their dress.</p>
<p>We are not a rich family, but have the money to do whatever we really want to do for entertainment (but we're not the jetting to Paris for lunch type). My D has friends from college who are not fortunate. She is cognizant of their financial situation and keeps that in mind when planning activities with the social group to which they belong.</p>
<p>Friends try to make each other feel comfortable.</p>
<p>I remember as a college student being in awe of the coordinated bed linens of one of my suitemates- already quite affluent and ultimately headed towards something even more substantial. I wasn't 'poor'- just generic middle class, but had never knowingly been with someone of that degree of affluence up close and personal.</p>
<p>On my son's photo for his MSN IM identification he recently placed a picture of himself and his girlfriend partially clothed (at least)-- laying under a bed comforter. In looking at the photo in the many ways a mother would, I somehow found myself feeling a sense of recognition. The motif is different, but the bed linens were beautiful, tasteful and coordinated ((not my son's bed which is 'decorated' in boy/eclectic)).</p>
<p>My sons' experience with this is highly dependent on where they attend school. The son at the earthy LAC feels affluent but spends no money. The son at the pricey urban elite knows he is more than comfortable, and is put off by the rampant consumerism of some of his peers. No desire to buy in or buy up, but then there are those bed linens!</p>
<p>Of the many reasons why they might not be happy attending the school their sibling ultimately chose, this is probably the least significant. This is just one of those 'life' things that they seem comfortable with already. They know they are not the richest/not the smartest/not the most talented- just plenty comfortable/bright and capable. Relieves a whole lot of stress, doesn't it!</p>
<p>Suzanne Somers tells about her college years. Her room mate was Bob Hope's daughter! Suzanne had very little money while Nora Hope had unlimited funds! It drove Suzanne crazy! </p>
<p>(By the way, Nora Hope is now "Nora Hope Somers" because she is married to Suzanne's ex husband -- Bizarre!)</p>
<p>Once I had to drop off "little league" photos to a player's home. I knew the parents from practices and they seemed very "casual". The mom was pregnant and would just wear her husband's "big shirts". Well, when I called for directions to their home, I knew that it was in a "pricey area" of Anaheim Hills. I drove into the gated community and to the biggest home in the neighborhood. When I went into the house I couldn't stop looking at all the "stuff". But I laughed when I saw all the kids' drawings magnetted onto the frig. After seeing such a magnificant house, I couldn't resist asking, "What do you do for a living?" The mom said, 'we're retired" (she and hubby were about 32 at the time.) As my eyes got bigger she explained that her hubby and his brothers had owned "Clothestime" (a chain of teen clothing stores) but then they sold the whole chain and never have to work again. </p>
<p>I still can picture this multi-millionaire pregnant mom wearing her hubby's big polo shirts as maternity clothes with a frig full of kid drawings and photos of their First Communions in a house with every "bell and whistle" that you can imagine.</p>
<p>This thread brings back bittersweet memories. At Brown in the midseventies I never managed to feel that I belonged, in part because of the monied prep-school backgrounds of most of my peers. Yet the school had also been heavily recruiting for "diversity" for the first time in its history and had just gone co-ed, so there was a racial/sexual tension palpable on campus that for me was almost unbearable at times. To add to the unreality I dated a senior who had his own townhouse and a red MGB courtesy of parents and wanted to fly me down south to meet them. I declined. I was somewhat used to dealing with the very wealthy because I had cleaned their homes and watched their children (I grew up on eastern Long Island NY...) But I never could feel entirely comfortable on their social level and that unease continues to this day. </p>
<p>So I had some emotional reservations left over from my past when my daughter chose to attend boarding school (on scholarship). And I have witnessed her envying the girl with 50 pairs of Chanel sunglasses or the one with 7 for all Mankind jeans for every day of the week and spring break in Hawaii. But her perspective today, I think, is healthier than mine ever was because of her experience. She was not interested in colleges where she thought she sensed elitism, no matter how hard some adults in her life pushed her towards them, and is more ready in every sense for college than I was - ironically and in part, I think, because of her boarding school years, and having learned to live with - and earn the respect of - people from backgrounds very unlike her own.</p>
<p>My D is also at Dartmouth. During Family Weekend we had this conversation with her. We so clearly noticed a very preppy atmosphere which she confirmed. We are from a blue collar community and we are getting no financial aid at Dartmouth. She said she definately feels that most people are a lot more well off than we are. But I do think that it is not a problem at all there. She doesn't seem to spend much money at all. There are plenty of free and low cost entertainment options.</p>
<p>I learned a very good lesson at a fairly young age when I was in boarding school about money. My roommate came from an upscale suburb and always went to Vail for Xmas brought back to school the most lavish presents from Xmas. I assumed she was very well off. One night she got a phone call that her father had dropped dead of a heart attack. It turns out that he'd been borrowing on his life insurance to keep his family in this deluxe lifestyle, and there was no money for college for her or her siblings. I told my parents and my father said that just because someone SPENDS alot doesn't mean they HAVE alot. Later in life I learned that my parents were quite well off, but my sibs and I had no clue because they drove their cars into the ground and wore their clothes until they were practically threadbare. It was the way they were raised, not to be a conspicuous consumer. They considered it gauche. When my kids come home starry eyed from playdates over friends' houses and cars I roll my eyes and tell my story.</p>
<p>"I know poor people who hardly have a pot pee in or a window to throw it out..." Sybbie, I love that expression! It was one of my mom's. I too have a D who is a cheap fashionista. Incredibly in tune with fashion, loves Coach bags (earns her own $$$ if she wants one that badly) & the like, but takes pleasure in creating outfits from the clearance rack. She's only in h.s., but is surrounded by very, very wealthy girls. It's not an issue. She's quite grounded & comfortable with people from all walks of life.</p>
<p>"I have the feeling, too, that the things that students who live in NYC would do for entertainment would be very different than what people would choose to do who only get to visit NY in a blue moon."</p>
<p>You're right, Northstarmom. Kids from my town (only 10 miles west of NYC) attend NYU and live in university housing. They sniff out all the NYC on a budget haunts and have a blast. Not the type of city attractions they saw as toursits with their families & on class trips, that's for sure. Just the number of free concerts in NYC would keep anyone busy all year long.</p>