What Happens When You Can't Pay The Bill?

Parents Forum
1

<p>DS has his heart set on a school that he may or may not get merit $ towards. We wouldn't likely qualify for financial aid (we are finally succeeding with solid income after years of struggle/debt) and I have an ongoing, raging debate in my head about how much debt we can all handle if he were to go and whether or not it is responsible. The part that keeps me up at night is the "What if?". What if something were to happen and we couldn't continue to take on debt each year? Given the uncertain economy or any potential health crisis or any other unforseen event - where do you go from there? </p>

<p>Has anyone known students who have had to leave the dream school midway due to finances? How on earth do students handle that and what kind of options would be available to them?</p>

2

<p>My guess would be that the kids transfer to CC's and/or State U's or drop out.</p>

3

<p>APPLY for financial aid. Don't assume you won't get it. Apply and see what happens. </p>

<p>Students who don't stay in one college often go on to another and thrive there. I knew two men in my generation who each attended FOUR different colleges for their undergraduate degrees, and still managed to finish their four-year degree programs in four years. Lots of colleges are glad to accept transfer students.</p>

4

<p>D#2 "really liked" three schools. One offered an exceptional scholarship -- but only for the first year. After that maybe yes, maybe no. D#2 said forget it, that she wasn't going to a school where she might have to transfer because the cost was suddenly to great to attend. YMMV.</p>

5

<p>If I was losing sleep before I even signed the loan documents, I'd have my answer. I think the recent days have taught all of us that the unforeseen does happen! Your kids need to get an education that the family can afford with endangering it's future.</p>

6

<p>I agree with hmom5.</p>

7

<p>We told our sons that they should not have their hearts set on attending any school. We told them that it will come down to cost. We also told them that they should not apply to any school where they could not be happy.</p>

8

<p>This is a VERY long time ago, but when I went to an Ivy, I knew someone who wasn't able to pay around freshman or sophomore year (he didn't want to register for the draft so he couldn't get federal financial aid) and the school let him take one course a semester and he worked full time. You might want to see if the dream school has any options like that.</p>

9

<p>Do not mislead your DS in what you can manage. My parents did not tell me until I was accepted into my first choice school that they could/would not pay for it. I went to a backup school for 2 years before transferring to one that was a better match for me. Had I known ahead I could have selected differently. </p>

<p>That stuck with me all these years. Ever since mine were little they knew how much we would contribute to their college. They could make a choice from there to apply and see what other financial help they received, but always had to have a place we could afford and they would be happy with in their mix. 2 stayed in state with what we could afford, 2 went out and got merit aid to go to the school they wanted. DD could not go to her first choice, but all ended up for the best because she is definitely where she belongs and is thriving. She put together some merit awards with our contribution to make the financial fit. . </p>

<p>Bottom line, if you do not think you can afford it, do not mislead your DS. Have that tough conversation now and then let him decide how to proceed. Fit has to include financial fit, too. .</p>

10

<p>Listen to hmom5. There are plenty of other more affordable colleges out there. Dismiss the whole idea of "dream school." I think it's a term used by guidance counselors and admission's offices to guilt parents and convince a bunch of 17 and 18 year olds that only the most expensive colleges will insure happiness and success.</p>

11

<p>This happened to me (starting a school that became unaffordable mid-way)...granted, it was years (decades) ago, but I suspect the psychology is much the same now...it was devastating (despite a happy ending), with lifelong lasting impact...</p>

<p>So, here's the story:</p>

<p>I desperately wanted to go away for college--I'd have done anything at all to make it happen...won a scholarship (a one-year one) that paid almost all of my first-year costs.</p>

<p>Second year the scholarship went away, but one way or another my parents & I scratched together the necessary money.</p>

<p>Third year I lived in a coop (which I hated with an all-consuming passion--but not enough to give up and go back home for college) to save money; added add'l work (I worked all thru college and contributed about 1/3 of the total cost)...mid-way thru, my parents told me they really could not afford to keep me there because my older sister had decided she, too, wanted to go away to college and it wasn't fair that one of us could go but not both of us and there simply wasn't the money to pay for both of us.</p>

<p>That caused an "issue" that even 10 years of "shrinkage" (seeing a counselor for all sorts of mental health issues) didn't completely solve. To this day I resent my sister...(I could go on for pages about the unfairness of it all...I earned straight As; she had flunked out and was trying again--etc.)</p>

<p>But, to cut to the chase: I refused to even consider not returning to my college. I took out a loan (an absolute "horror" in my parents' household, and the equivalent, economically, of an Ivy kid borrowing enough to pay for half the full cost of an Ivy today)...I got an extra job; I "guilt-tripped" my father, who just couldn't "force himself" to make me come back home.</p>

<p>I wound up w/a nervous breakdown requiring a week of hospitalization; my parents had the worst year, economically, of their lower-middle-class lives...but I stayed at my college and I didn't then and don't now regret it. Bad as were the consequences of my refusal to make things easier, financially, for my parents, I felt then (and still feel) it would have been worse to have to leave my school...</p>

<p>Bottom line: pulling a kid who loves being where he/she is out "in the middle" can be HUGE (depending on the kid)...DEFINITELY factor it in before making the decision to send the kid...but give the kid his/her options, too...had I known before I started I still would have taken the loan (or whatever "extreme option" that is today's equivalent) in order to go...I still would have worked the extra jobs. I wanted to go that badly. If your DS is willing to commit to extra work/borrowing, etc to make it happen, let him. </p>

<p>Finally, don't let the "extreme what if's" matter too much...life happens and extreme reversals in fortune are among the things that can happen. I told my DS when he went to his Ivy that I'd saved enough to pay for his school, and so I could promise it to him...but I haven't saved enough for some of the extra's he's done, or for his post-undergrad school (I know lots of parents don't pay for post-undergrad, but I want to, if I can...my choice) I'll pay if I can, but he needs to be prepared to borrow/work/use financial aid in case I cannot. He's grappling w/that now...it's likely he'll be offered merit aid at several of the post-undergrad schools on his list, but the ones he most wants to attend will be full-pay...he knows his tuition (and living expenses) are NOT guaranteed by Mom; he also knows that there is NOTHING Mom would rather pay for...so he's watching the current economic mess as closely as us older folks are! I don't know what he'll decide. But he at least has all the info he needs w/which to make his decision...</p>

<p>For me as a college student, and for me as the mother of a college student, I'd plan for the worst (including the burden on the child), and if the child is willing to shoulder his/her share of the burden--even if it's extreme, I'd go ahead and let the kid go to his dream school...But I absolutely wouldn't let the "worst case scenario plan" come as a surprise to the student...emotionally, nothing worse (except deaths and my divorce) has happened to me in 56 years of life than the day my mother told me I would have to leave my school because finances wouldn't permit me returning...</p>

<p>Good luck w/your decision-making!</p>

12

<p>I filled out the FAFSA once. Never again. No aid. And now our family financial information is in a database somewhere with access by people that want to sell you a very expensive product.</p>

13

<p>Make sure to apply for fin aid, even if you don't think you'll qualify. Than if your circumstances change midway, you'll have a better chance of getting the aid you need.</p>

14

<p>BCEagle91 unfortunately if you want a merit award some places you have to fill them out. We did not do them for the first 3 but DD's merit award requires it. She could not go where she is without the merit award so we fill them out. </p>

<p>Re counting on merit awards - make sure they go for more than one year before making a decision. Especially if it factors into go or no go. We had a letter from the school guaranteeing 4 years as long as she held up her end. Would not have gone without it.</p>

15

<p>Agree with BC re FAFSA, unfortunately we had to fill it out because we were looking at merit aid. Additionally we were told that if you don't fill it out the first year and your circumstances change you may not be eligible in subsequent years.</p>

16

<p>For our D, she went to local community college & will be transferring to dream school--saved us money up front & will still get her diploma from dream school, where she'll reconnect with her friends. It isn't the ideal scenario, but sure saved us over $100,000 so we are actually able to sleep at night.</p>

<p>We don't qualify for any need-based aid & she doesn't qualify for merit aid. We would have had a very tough time coming up with more money than it will take to send her to school for the 2.5 years she'll be there anyway, so we're hoping she stays on track & graduates at least "on time."</p>

<p>I have heard of many kids who have had to drop out of dream school because $ wasn't enough, especially as the economy hits tough times. I would definitely think carefully about the options and not blindly expect that "things will work out," because unfortunately, wishing won't really get the job done.</p>

17

<p>If there were a realistic shot at merit aid that required it, I'd fill it out. Our son's school listed scholarships that were merit-only, merit-need and need-only. If they are merit-only, there's no need for the FAFSA.</p>

<p>It's like signing up for a free internet service and get spammed with so much email and flash ads that you drop the service in disgust. But your information is out there for some hacker or marketer to abuse in the future.</p>

<p>We have the money laid out for the rest of the years and barring our money markets going belly-up, we should be okay. Fortunately there are merit scholarships out there to go with his 4.0 GPA.</p>

18

<p>sunset, I suggest that you sit down with your student and discuss your financial situation, your fears and your concerns. We were in a similar situation in that we were not prepared to spend $125k of our retirement savings for our son's college education(he already had $75k in his college savings account). We had a discussion about this during his jr high school year and he understood and appreciated our concern. He totally took this into account during his college search process and had a list of very good colleges which were probably going to be very affordable with merit aid.</p>

<p>He did his homework well, rec'd about $375k in merit aid offers and attended RPI with $25k/yr merit scholarships.</p>

<p>The important thing about our early discussion with him was that he merely adjusted his definition of "dream" college. He had a fantastic 4 yrs at RPI and is now working in California in the computer gaming industry as a game designer, his "dream" job.</p>

19

<p>Also, consider your savings/investments worth. They will be required on the FAFSA. If you struggled with debt and have had a decent income for a few years, I'm guessing you don't have a ton in the bank. That may affect things also. </p>

<p>Bottom line - If you can't afford to pay everything out of pocket, then there is no reason for not filling out a FAFSA.</p>

20

<p>
[quote]
...DS has his heart set on a school that he may or may not get merit $ towards. ..The part that keeps me up at night is the "What if?". What if something were to happen and we couldn't continue to take on debt each year? Given the uncertain economy or any potential health crisis or any other unforseen event - where do you go from there?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>If you've not already, start with a frank discussion with your son. Explain to him that if he gets into this school and does not get a four year guarentee of X amount of dollars, there is a chance that he might not be able to finish all four years there. Be sure he understands that that really could happen. Explain to him that if can find a school that costs X total or where he does get enough merit aid then you are in a position to assure him that he will be able to attend for four years.</p>

<p>With my son, who is a high school junior, his dream school is 50K per year and offers no merit aid. We've had an on-going conversation about money for college for years but he still fell in love with this place and it really would be an excellent match for him. It took him several months to process that this was not going to happen. He's sad about it, so are we. </p>

<p>However, he's done a lot of research and found a few other colleges that do not have all of his wish list items that dream college does on them but they have the key ones. The process has not been easy on any of us, but he is taking pride in finding schools that fit both his needs and our family budget. If we'd offered him a list of these colleges, he probably would not be so keen on them but giving him ownership of this problem has brought out a maturity in him that is nice to see. </p>

<p>Good luck with this situation.</p>