Disregard old posts from this account because they were made when I was younger and does not reflect my opinions now
I’m a current junior that is struggling with the idea of going to college. I’m in all AP and IB classes right now, except for regular math, but I’m lowering that number down to only 3 IB classes next year. I don’t have the strong urge to go to college anymore and my motivation to work towards it is steadily decreasing. I feel burned out after these few years of high school so I kind of can’t even imagine going through 4 more years of schooling right away, especially because I don’t have a strong inclination of anything I want to major in. However, my parents are expecting college for me because I’ve been working so hard to hopefully get some college credit and I’ve always been the kid in the family that would be going.
How do I tell my parents that I’m considering not going? Could someone who has taken a gap year tell me about the pros and cons?
There is a difference between a gap year and a longer delay (or never going). Honestly, it is easier to apply and get in, then defer for a year. You’d want to check websites or ask out here if the website doesn’t say before applying, since some schools don’t allow it.
If you were my kid and said you weren’t going or weren’t applying til later, I’d say, fine. But you need to start paying your own way, getting a job and your own place if you have no college plans. If you wanted to attend a trade school or commute to college, I’d say it would be fine to live at home.
I told my kids they could take a gap year, but I’d want them to go the deferred route vs sweating applying during the gap year. Also told them they had to fund what they did themselves, and it had to be productive. I was okay with something like au pair in another country, or living at home and working to then fund some travel. They decided to go straight to college.
Another thing you can do is simply target slightly less rigorous colleges. Don’t know your stats, but you don’t HAVE to apply to or attend the most rigorous school possible. One of my kids attended her safety. She graduated Phi Beta Kappa, got really great attention from profs and opportunities on campus, did two different interesting off campus semesters (one abroad and one in DC), and got a very good job after graduating. She had time to enjoy her college experience, too.
Yes, I absolutely understand that there is a difference between taking a gap year, a longer delay, or simply never going and I am toying with the idea of each and every one. Thank you so much for the information about deferring an acceptance because I’ve heard of it occurring, but never truly understood it, and it could definetly be an option at this point.
My biggest fear at this point is going to college when I’m not ready and despising that decision later in life. I obviously want to be happy with my life decisions and thank you for all the information you have provided @intparent
You will find some excellent threads on this site by searching “gap year” and either “reasons” or “why.”
There are lots of great reasons to take some time to clear your mind, pursue other interests (and responsibilities), and see what your inclinations are after the pressures of HS are behind you. Applying while you’re still in high school and then deferring might ease everyone’s mind, and you’d still have the option to decide to forfeit the deposit and apply elsewhere or take an indefinite break from formal learning.
Not all cultures (and certainly not all classes) share the expectation that students will go from HS directly to college. In Israel, for instance, young people serve in the army after high school. The length of time will vary, but after their service, most people travel cheaply, often for a year or more, before university. From that cultural perspective, going directly to college—without an interlude of service, traveling, and exploring facets of oneself outside of academic pursuits—seems really odd!
Thank you so much @Lynnski, this truly helped me a lot and I will definitely be searching for some gap year threads 
As stated above a lot of Europeans also travel for a year then go to college. It’s more the norm. My daughter was on a study abroad to South East Asia and met tons of 18/19 year Olds traveling in Vietnam etc. BUT they all knew where they were going to University afterwards.
I would totally apply to colleges, get accepted then defer. This way, you have a solid choice to make and might change your mind. If you don’t apply to college at all. You are not giving yourself that choice. Many have regretted that decision and many just work dead end jobs and don’t get out of that rut.
So apply to colleges to give yourself that choice and talk to your parents this summer about it. Have a plan. Don’t cheat yourself out now since you might change your mind.
Reading your most recent post in January, I think are letting yourself get paralyzed by the pressure of a major decision. The thing is, tons of students change majors (sometimes more than once), or have double majors or minors if they have more than one interest. Some of them aren’t sure what they’ll major in when the start, which can still work out - you can try intro classes in a few areas to see what you think.
And some people don’t necessarily work in their major area once out of college. I don’t work in the field I studied. Neither does one of my kids.
Or they change careers later on — one thing about the current employment landscape is that many people reinvent themselves career wise repeatedly during their working life. To me, it sounds like you are so afraid of choosing wrong that you are just shutting down. But… not going is a choice, too. It is a LOT harder to go back later in life, there is something to be said for getting a degree sooner rather than waiting.
There is a reason that “undecided” is like the number one major at most colleges… BTW…
I suspect your parents will comprehend it better if you have a plan to do something - probably one that doesn’t cost them money. Is there a job you know you can get and like? Is trade school more appealing? Some choose the military committing a few years of their lives and schooling often comes with it if needed or desired.
The students at our school who feel the worst right now are the seniors with no clue what they are doing after graduation at the end of the month.
It’s perfectly fine to start with a workable idea (undecided in college, starting a job at X, etc) and then change your mind once you find what draws you (though don’t go into huge amounts of debt). Many students do that. On here and in some articles I read about gap years, but quite honestly, I live in an area where kids/parents can afford to do that if the kids aren’t also earning money with what they do. If it’s affordable to your parents, it could be considered.
When I encounter kids in your position I tell them to pick a path that they think they might like and head that direction, but keep their eyes open for something they might like better along the way. The worst thing is being paralyzed by indecision as that stress only increases. I’ve seen some of their lives post graduation and it rarely gets better, though once in a while it’s ok. For those, most end up attending college - at least most who return to tell their story.
Can you have a frank talk with your Guidance Counselor at school to get some ideas?
Keep in mind that many students love college even if they hated high school. Schoolwork happens at both, but the schedules and everything else included is completely different. Many students love their chosen trades too.
Yes, we’re scheduled next Friday to have individual discussions with our guidance counselors so hopefully I can ask her about all my options.
@Dancer14 What schools have you been considering? I don’t know what makes the most sense for you, but if you go to a liberal arts college, you won’t even be allowed to declare a major until the end of your freshman year (or later). That would allow you to focus on your general education requirements that will be valuable toward any/every career path, as well as focusing on a few introductory classes that might cultivate an ultimate passion.
"How do I tell my parents that I’m considering not going? " I don’t think we can answer this, for your parents.
Don’t let fear guide your thoughts and decisions. Let it be information.
Growing up, my mother’s mantra ws, “At leat get two years. Easier to later go back and finish two than need to tackle 4.”
I agree that you can chose colleges that will provide you with a supportive, less stressed learning environment. Please do submit applications to keep your choices open.
@RandyErika I’ve actually been looking at my state schools and other large publics.
There’s a truth that kids grow a lot, from now to this September. And more between then and December.
Give yourself time. See how you evolve, what feasible ideas you come up with. Carry on as if. But you have almost a year before you would commit.
Meantime, explore all sorts of colleges and their affordability.
I dropped out at beginning of junior year. Learned immediately that college was where I wanted to be. Fortunately, they had space for me 2nd semester. I changed majors, at that point, to one I adored. No looking back.
I understand the ennui and exhaustion. But work on that for the next months. See how it goes.
I know this will sound counter productive but do you live close to a University? If so, go have lunch on campus with your parent’s or friends. Just walk around. Walk through a few buildings usually the library’s are nice. Sit down and chill for a bit.
Many are scared of this next step. We took both our kids when they were younger and older to some campuses with no pressure of going to that particular school. We literally did what I am telling you to do. It might be useful to see how large of a school, fit/feel you might like.
If there is a music performance or theater performance maybe go check it out.
If you feel this is right later you can go back for the school tour etc.
Yes I do live close-by to a university and I also have seen theater performances at a couple of schools around me and I’ve done some college tours. But I will definitely consider hanging out more at campuses just to see.
Based on your description, you seem like a good student as you are taking on AP and IB courses. If you really don’t want to go to college, you may change your mind so taking a gap year can be a good option for you. There are a lot of gap year programs such as traveling abroad or academic discovery programs such as the School of the New York Times. Look into these programs and you might find something cool!
Have you visited any smaller schools? You should maybe see one or two, they might appeal to you.
Yes, I have visited smaller private schools and I actually did not end up liking them. I liked the bigger state schools better.