<p>Schools and social groups really vary though. While of course there are places where the whole point is to get totally wasted and pass out- or at least all the behavior points in that direction, there are still parties where drinking isnt the main event, where there are discussions and games and dancing and going out to breakfast after- if you pass out, you pretty much look pathetic and miss the fun. ( not to mention how do you do all the homework if you spend the weekend recovering?)</p>
<p>To the OP - my DD is at a college well known the for amount of drinking, and comes from an area where the amount of drinking in high school is mind boggling - she lives in a substance free dorm and has had no trouble finding sub free friends. She has gone to a few frat parties, and has managed to have fun. She makes a distinction between "dance parties" and the other - evidently there is noticeably less drinking at the dance parties, although drunken people are present. She may recognize that she is not in the mainstream - but she doesn't really seem to care, and is quite happy with her social life.</p>
<p>She had very little social life in high school - she needs a fair amount of alone time by nature, and had a heavy schedule in high school - so maybe she is happier with "outside the mainstream" than someone who wants a party every night. My point is there is room for non-drinking at most any school, you just may have to work a little harder at finding your niche.</p>
<p>She is in sub-free housing, which actually means less drinking/pot, and little to none on premises. Like another poster, I find sub-free to be an oxymoron, shouldn't all housing for underage students be subfree??? Yes, I am being sarcastic.</p>
<p>i also found it true that by the time I was a junior/senior, friendships were strongly cemented, people were working very hard on academics/extracurriculars, and the emphasis turned to going out and relaxing with a couple of drinks rather than getting loaded, because we all had busy lives and din't have time to be hung over three days a week. (at least among the crowd I hung around with). That's when I really learned to enjoy drinking moderately and unwinding after a long week of work (like I do now in my late twenties!!). I think its almost impossible (or very rare) for kids going off to college to have a model for responsible, fun drinking because it hardly exists in high school (and probably shouldn't? I don't know, I'm not a parent...) but late in college you can develop that and not have to define yourself either as a "partier" or a "non partier". I worked really hard at school, took care of myself, drank, had a great time and tried hard to walk that line. </p>
<p>way too many parentheticals in that post! ha</p>
<p>In other words, you decide to grow up, now that you are nearing the end of your family's $120k-$180k undergraduate investment in you.</p>
<p>From ryan2288:</p>
<p>
[quote]
Something I hate to say is that a lot of the kids whos parents post on this thread may have some problems at first in college.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I'm sorry, but I do not think you have quite the same perspective as parents on the Parent Forum.</p>
<p>There is "experimental data" on the binge drinking issue (call it "heavy" or "problem" drinking if you like.) Several studies have found that, on average, students 1) underestimate the number of drinks they have by one, in the 4-7 drink range; and, 2) when asked to pour a standard drink, they pour one 1.75X the standard. In other words, a drinker who says he has four drinks in an episode, hence classified by HSPH as a "non-binge" drinker, had, on average 5 drinks, each being 1.75x a standard drink, or 8.75 drinks. That's a NON-BINGE drinker, and by any measure, is intoxicating for a 250-lb. male. A so-called minimum "binge drinker" (5 drinks), would have had 6, at 1.75x, or 10.5 drinks, or intoxicate a 350-lb male.</p>
<p>What the HSPH study did not do (but which the recent Williams College study did) is look at periodicity. It turns out to be relatively rare that a binge drinker does it only once every two weeks; and heavy drinking (a minimum of two drinks a day daily) can in fact affect more than 30% of the student population.</p>
<p>The reality is that it is likely a majority of OUR children, who we think (and they think) won't binge when they get to a heavy drinking campus, will do so. The majority will survive it just fine, with little ill effect. Some (using national data, likely around 22%) will develop heavy drinking habits. Some smaller number will be sexually assaulted or raped. Some will drink socially (though statistically this is not a very large number on some of the heavier drinking campuses) And some will join the 20-30% of students who are total abstainers or virtually so.</p>
<p>Two d's in college. One a frosh and the other a sophomore. The freshman is an athlete and had been vocal about choosing not to drink, yet says she does not feel pressure either. Sophomore at "alleged" party LAC says you can always find a party with alcohol if you wish to, but feels the thrill wears off midway through freshman year. Both are obtaining good grades and love there schools so it comes down to "choice", as all behaviors do.</p>
<p>you're son is a loser, sorry to say...you are a good parent though, hoping he drinks and does drugs.</p>
<p>I don't think it totally does come down to choice- I also acknowledge especially for younger adults the power of the group</p>
<p>Fr instance I may just be overly suggestible, but when my oldest was a toddler I was so horrified that when I swatted her on the bum and felt like crying with frustration more than I thought a "good" mother should, that I went to a support group that was for parents with anger issues.</p>
<p>However the other parents had gone so much farther than I ever dreamed or feared of going, that the result was I ended up feeling like I didn't have a problem, and it seemed like everyone just kind of rolled their eyes at me, when I confessed I swatted her diaper clad bottom ! ( but as soon as I was away from group- I regained my frustration with my behavior) </p>
<p>Same thing happened a few years ago when I was struggling with extra weight, several people at my workplace including the ones I worked most closely with, were significantly overweight, I felt- although admittedly I had help from their comments and glares, that my attempt to lose weight was unnecessary and excessively vain. ( of course I was about 100 lbs less already than my coworkers)</p>
<p>So while as an adult who is old enough to have an adult child, I feel comfortable going against the status quo, but when I was in my early 20s, I was much more unsure of myself, and I imagine that no matter how great the logic some of these new college students have when they are alone, when they are in a group, it is pretty difficult to stand apart and I think investigating the general school climate is very valuable</p>