<p>Where is this Greek chat website, MizzBee?</p>
<p>Some salve for the OP: I too have posted a question on CC (without parsing every nuance) and been surprised at the swiftness and intensity of the responses. I believe you were simply relaying a comment by your D, who, if she is like my 19 year old daughter, likes the occasional pithy, almost startling comment as a quick summing up of a situation without realizing how it sounds. I think (maybe I’m wrong) your D was commenting on how the financial outlay of sorority life (paying dues, buying outfits, sorority t-shirts) was part and parcel of the whole insta-friend thing sororities offer – the tight friendships among dozens of women you didn’t know before you pledged. </p>
<p>(putting on Kevlar) - anyone have any thoughts?</p>
<p>Class, you are a brave soul. But sadly, I think if we criticize the Greek system at all, we will be struck by lightning.</p>
<p>The comment is neither pity nor startling, it is repeated often by Greek-haters. It is obviously hurtful and unnecessary. Why not say membership is expensive if that is what you mean. Don’t insult women and men who join just because it is a quick and easy way to say that.</p>
<p>Ok, I started reading this thread because last week I was talking to my S about his cousin, and asked him about if they had been staying in touch (they attend the same college). The cousin has joined a sorority and is enjoying it very much. My S said, “yeah, I run into her once in a while… but I never understood why she joined the sorority, that’s just buying friends–what a waste!” Perhaps the perception that joining the Greek Life is “buying friends” is not so unusual. What I don’t understand is why that perception would be so offensive to some, or threatening. Some people see the value of Greek, so they join. Others don’t, so they don’t join. What’s the big deal?</p>
<p>What I have a hard time with is the whole “audition” system of pledging, where the criteria for passing the audition seem completely arbitrary, based upon, I don’t know, how cute, popular, rich, well-dressed, funny, or “which side of the tracks” you come from. At least at a dance or music audition, there are some actual perceivable aesthetic standards involved. </p>
<p>Probably some part of my S’s attitude goes back to the old Groucho Marx joke:
“I DON’T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER”. Which is really a way of saying, hey, I’d rather do my own thing, find my own friends as I wish, rather than following the restrictions of a social club that costs me $, and requires my participation in certain events whether I feel like it or not. </p>
<p>Some people feel like they have enough obligations already with work, friends, church, classes, studying, and family, do we really want another one? We really don’t want yet another person/organization telling us what to do with our lives. Why do some Greek fans take this so personally? It’s our deal, not yours, right?</p>
<p>I am very happy that I have not yet been struck by lightning.</p>
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<p>What other meaning does the “buying friends” (and on the other thread “renting friends”) comment really mean then? When I’ve heard it, it usually is meant as an insult or criticism.</p>
<p>There is no “insta friends” component either. Just because you pledge a sorority or fraternity doesn’t mean you are automatically friends with everyone. I’m sure there are people you hit it off with after knowing them for a while, and others you don’t care for. </p>
<p>As a non-Greek, it always seemed to me that the Greek orgs. just provided an easier way to meet and socialize with lots of people your age and potentially with at least a few things in common. You would still have to form relationships the same way you would in any other circumstance.</p>
<p>sopranomom,</p>
<p>What kind of activities do you engage in outside of work? Whatever they are, I’m sure they are such a “waste!” No offense, of course.</p>
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<p>Be fair now. No one called anyone any names.</p>
<p>Bay:
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<p>I’m not backpedaling (more likely burying myself) but I’d never heard the “buying friends” comment before now. I took it as a one off zinger (like something my daughter would say when she’s trying to sound funny or witty). I can see how it would hit people the wrong way.</p>
<p>Full disclosure: I wish D had been able to join a sorority. She tried, but GPA kept her out. I was actually positively impressed that they had a GPA minimum – I liked what it said about the sorority system.</p>
<p>There are some polarizing topics, and Greek is definitely one of them. Maybe I can inject some humor – friend of mine (who’s a little naive) took a college tour with her D a few years ago, and the tour guide said: “about 30% of the students are Greek.” And my friend thinks of the Greek families she knows in our town – one runs a diner – and she said “wow – that’s a lot. We only have a few Greek people where we’re from.”</p>
<p>You’re all laughing, right?</p>
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<p>That’s quite an assumption on your part, isn’t it? Where did you get that from - reality, or did you just make that up?</p>
<p>Let’s say, for the sake of argument, our fearless freshman is in a dorm with 100 other people, and they all eat in the same dining hall. How does our fearless freshman make friends? She talks and mingles with other people - and on the basis of those interactions, she decides that this one has a sense of humor or sensibility that she likes. Or that one has a common interest. Or that one likes the same TV shows. Or that one she just sparks to for some reason. Were they “passing an audition”? It’s the same darn thing. You meet people at rush parties in a structured setting and you decide whether you want to get to know them better - the same way you meet people in classes or through the dining hall and decide whether or not you want to get to know them better.</p>
<p>Heck, here on CC, there are people that I can clearly identify - wow, I feel some kind of kinship with them, I’d like to get to know them offline (and have). And others, I feel - eh, nice people, not so interested. What’s the difference?</p>
<p>By calling us “Greek-haters” you can dismiss us with ease. Personally, I am not a Greek-hater. I am Greek-critical.</p>
<p>Maybe also Greek-curious. Lol.</p>
<p>Classof2015, I am. :D</p>
<p>redpoint, I do not believe that I have ever seen you directly acknowledge any of the personal stories people have shared on these threads in an effort to debunk some of the more pernicious generalizations. I think your bias is very clear. I was strongly biased against the whole concept of Greek organizations before I actually came to know one very well. Then, like any rational person, I had to admit that the data did not support my preconceptions, at least in that case. I am still not a huge fan of such organizations in general. But I know enough to know that there are positives, and that the character of such groups varies widely from house to house, school to school, region to region, so I resist the vicious negative stereotyping so common in these threads.</p>
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<p>Exactly. It’s just more structured socialization, which is helpful particularly for students who don’t otherwise have a set of activities / interests that might form common ground (such as theater or a sport).</p>
<p>I think we have been over this before pizza. Normally you don’t ask a potential friend for their resume. You don’t have parties where you judge them in order to winnow some away. Im not so critical of my friends. And I don’t care how they dress and if they are on a sports team or have been president of a club. And I don’t chose my friends hoping that the connection made will help get me a job.</p>
<p>Yeah, well one of them, like you, Bay, is spending time on CC, which is definitely a fantastic time waster 
! But I sure have learned a lot, some really valuable information, and some less so. </p>
<p>Some skin is far thinner than others. It’s easy to forget that the choice of how one spends one’s $ and time can be perceived as a negative value judgement against how others choose to spend their money and time. Being a teacher (union member) in the arts as I am, I could be insulted all day long every day listening to the prevailing view that what I do is pointless, and definitely a waste of taxpayer money…But I don’t worry too much about that. My students, parents, and administrators vehemently disagree.</p>
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<p>Considering the massive volume of “Greek-critical” posts you have made in the last few days, I think this is mere semantics.</p>
<p>redpoint,
Some people just want to make a lot of friends, because friends and relationships are the most important things in life. The Greek system puts you touch with other students who also want to make friends and know you are there for the same reason. I’ve never understood why people do not understand this, and often instead find all kinds of ways to criticize them for it. Do you criticize and judge people who use social media or social meet-up organizations, or who go to alumni or other myriad events in efforts to meet people and make more friends, too?</p>
<p>By the way, why was it necessary to start yet another thread on this subject? Was the other one shut down?</p>
<p>Also, someone correct me if I’m wrong: isn’t the purpose of the resume in recruitment to give the sororities an idea of GPA, community service history, and other activities so that the potential new member’s ability to juggle other activities with academic rigor can be evaluated (they do not want to initiate “grade risks” who will be unable to dedicate the time involved in Greek life and maintain grades)? Additionally, they want to see if the potential new members are truly committed to the idea of community service and school involvement? I mean, what other reason would there be for requiring a resume?</p>
<p>Bay, described like that, it sounds great. If that’s all it is, wonderful.</p>
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<p>I think my S’s very laid back house accepts guys on the basis of who likes to hang out with them. It is really a matter of self-selection. Of course, they have a year to get to know people, and they do not have the highly-structured rush process that sororities do. When S tells me about brothers, he never mentions resume items or potential job leads. I think it is rare that they actively discourage or reject anyone. The one case S told me about was someone who behaved inappropriately with women.</p>
<p>Many years ago I was behind the scenes at another fraternity, and saw how they kept track of potential pledges and how they were discussed. It was all about whether they appeared to be nice guys that the brothers felt comfortable hanging with. No mention of background, appearance, clothing, club membership, sports, or anything else.</p>
<p>Sorry to disappoint you.</p>