@cooledwhip No problem - like I said, take my suggestion with a grain of salt. Sorry, didn’t mean to offend.
@leastcomplicated no it’s fine. I get to see people’s opinions from an outside perspective. I do want to emphasize the importance of eagle scout, so now I know I should do that in the essay. It’s just I don’t know how to make my essay pop. I can’t get it down where it “looks like another student couldn’t have written it” and “it’s very original”. I feel like it’s not original and anyone else could have written it.
@cooledwhip I don’t know man. I still think you should pick one interesting thing that happened during your years of scouting to start with, kind of like an introduction, and maybe then talk about how that event forged your love or interest in scouting which let to you eventually becoming an Eagle scout? In all the years you devoted to scouting, there must have been at least one notable event that happened that could add some “pop” to the essay. Did you have to suffer through a cold miserable camp out? Did you have any problems trying to achieve a particular merit badge? Was some activity really exciting? Something like that. You could talk about that event, about how it made you feel (miserable, frustrated, scared, excited), and then how after it was over, it made you want to stick with the program and become an Eagle scout? Again just throwing out ideas here.
I’m a forester, and I can think of several things that happened in my childhood that made me want to become a forester, and then about a million other interesting things happened to me out in the woods while I was a forester. So I’m confident that can come up with a hook-y story that you can tell, related to your journey to Eagle scout, that would put some pizzazz into the essay.
I’ll be sending inspirational thoughts your way :).
Ok so I have an idea but I am not sure if it will work. I want to have the Hook/intro be something that happens later on in the story. Can I do that? Like can I describe the hook part in the beginning, maybe as a thought just to draw the reader in? and say like “that was what I was thinking when I wasadhf;alkdsjfa;lsdkjfa;f”
Of course you can. That sounds like a great approach. Good luck!
Just remember that almost all of those Eagle Scouts are applying to college. If even a few hundred apply to the same colleges you do, and all write about their projects, it isn’t something very new to admissions. And they have been doing it for year after year. I’m not saying don’t do it, but pointing out that it isn’t a completely unique topic,
Cooledwhip you have some good advice here, but some not very strong examples of “good writing.”
Actually, do a bit of research: Find great writers on the topic of exploration, wilderness camping, and scouting (off the top of my head, Last of the Mohigans, My Journey to Llasa, Moby Dick, and Treasure Island or Kidnapped.)
Enrich your language of adventure that way, and/or focus on the history–accounts such as Theodore Roosevelt’s (who sort of invented the idea of enjoying the outdoors in the U.S.)
Thus fortified internally, focus your experience and create your full first draft. (And you can read those background sources as you get stuck.)
The difference between first-rate writing and average writing is not only talent, but also in the quality of formation and foundation. It’s writing–your language background matters very much.
Most peoples’ “selves” are a heck of a lot less interesting than they think; thus benighted admissions must read truckloads of essay dreck. Don’t be on that truck.
Let’s face the obvious too, the vast majority of applicants do not get accepted on the basis of the essay. (With the possible exception of Bard College’s admirable option for truly great writers and original thinkers.)
–Yet the parents or advisors of average essay writers now self-appoint as writing experts in various threads! Grain of salt, kid, always, with most advice.
Good luck!
This poster is a long way from James Fenore Cooper in writing style. Just trying to get him past “My name is…,” so he at least has some showing/action in the essay. And pulling in a bunch of references that aren’t part of his experience and personality is probably not helpful to the process. The goal of the essay is for him to reveal himself, not spout on about a bunch of other people’s wilderness experiences.
@intparent Ok I think I changed up my work a bit. What I had before was some: story, story story, explanation and defining of what an eagle project is, then story story story. Right now I have my first sentence as a quote, then “This is what went through my head when I was working on my eagle project”. Then I describe what an eagle project is, then should I say “This is my story”? I want to do the intro, explanation of what a project is, then I start the story.
You don’t need to explain what an Eagle Scout project is. Admission officers know that. The project itself should be no more than 25% of your essay. It’s the launch point to talk about you.
@sportsman88 @intparent I understand but I mean like I am explaining myself through the essay… Idk. I have no clue! Help. what do you mean it shouldn’t be more than 25%? Obviously I’m not just explaining it I’m describing my emotions and my actions as I go through the story. What else should I include?
You say you are defining what an Eagle Scout project is. I don’t think you need to do that. You can assume your reader knows what an Eagle Project is. Most adults do and admission officers definitely will. Yes, you may need to explain your project but the focus is what you learned, not the specifics of the project.
@sportsman88 I guess one reason why I am defining it is so the reader sees the importance of what a project is and what it means to ME. Not just defining it but I’m showing the reader what it is through my eyes.
The point I want to make to you guys is I already decided I want the story to be about or have relation to my project. I want that to be the “theme” or whatever of the story. I just don’t know how to explain it so they learn about me. Do I explain the story or not explain the story?
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Then just start writing. Think about how you’d tell it to a friend and just start writing. Then edit. Then give to an adult to review it. But just start writing.
Agree. Just start writing so you can see how you do with the word limit.
Tell a story about an event within the eagle scouts. Do not write a timeline. Its a moment in time not years. You are trying to incorporate too much information. It has to be about you. It is similiar to telling a friend a story and the intro you mentioned is not how you would tell your friend a story.