What is wrong with me?

If you have to pay your way, the best way is to choose very high merit automatic scholarship colleges like Alabama. Large scholarships are too competitive. If you HAVE to take a gap year there are options like AmeriCorps. http://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/AmeriCorps where you can earn money. http://www.studentscholarshipsearch.com/scholarships/americorps-vista.php