<p>Today was move-in day at my college (I've already been moved in since I did summer school) and I stayed in my dorm almost all day. Before move-in day I would normally go get lunch or dinner at a nearby cafe that was connected to the campus but when I went today everything was crowded with people...right outside my dorm, the streets, the cafe..everywhere people.</p>
<p>Almost everyone I see is with other people talking or laughing or just by themselves being happy. I don't understand this. I don't like to be around all these people..it makes me uncomfortable. I'm not really content with sitting in my room all day though either. </p>
<p>And classes start next week. People ask me "Hey, excited about college?" and I answer back "No" because I am actually not looking forward to classes next week. I am dreading having to study for hours everyday and work my butt off to keep a scholarship and get a high gpa. It seems like there is no reason for it anyways. Work hard for 4 years in college and then work even harder for the rest of my life? that doesn't really appeal to me. The funny thing is I am very lucky to be in this college and it is a high rank/well-known in my major or whatever. And I didn't work very hard in high school so I should be glad that I even got here. But I'm not, because it is high school all over again only with more work. </p>
<p>Maybe it would be better if had interests and things that excited me. But nothing excites me. I think I would get excited if I did something meaningful. But nothing is really meaningful...I feel like school is pointless and everyone is just being retarded by coming here. I guess they have distractions, they distract themselves with friends and family so that the work is bearable. Maybe that is what I need, but the problem is I don't like to get too close to people. I don't see the point of being friends with anyone because it doesn't make me happier. I still have "acquaintances" that I talk to to keep my sanity but nothing super close.</p>
<p>I'm not really good at simply existing, I like to focus on one thing, analyze it, and work at it (or get addicted to it or something). But I don't know what I want because nothing makes me happy. I'm so lost...</p>
<p>And It's like everyone is having a good time being young and everything. But I am always serious it seems. I want a girlfriend but I don't know how to get one. I want to have fun but I don't know how to. I don't understand it. I wish they had instruction manuals for this stuff.</p>
<p>I've thought about counseling but I don't think that would work/I would dislike it very much.</p>
<p>So I don't really know what I'm asking (or if I'm just venting). But I am looking for a solution I think..if there is one.</p>
<p>I had that same problem (in regards to not seeing a point to anything) and it definitely had a bad impact during school. I do recommend you see a counselor at the school, they should have services covered by your insurance or tuition.</p>
<p>It'll sort out your priorities and what you really want out of life.</p>
<p>In short, get up off your butt, suck it up, and do something. This clearly isn't the response you're looking for, but it's what you need to do. Nobody's going to feel bad for you about not caring about school and nobody's going to feel bad for you about not being passionate.</p>
<p>You've got too much time to think. Consuming yourself with schoolwork might take your mind off of all the internal chatter you've got going on. I say give yourself a few weeks of focusing on school work and what not before going to see the school shrink. You might find yourself over all your worries. If not, maybe you do need some help.</p>
<p>I think the issue is that so many of us go to College because it's the 'thing to do'. Not because we have some specific goal in life that we're striving for. Which then turns everything we do into menial work and that can slowly wear on a person and poison their psyche.</p>
<p>You have a lot of negative thinking going on. It will be tempting for those around you (including perhaps some posters here) to tell you to snap out of it, but you may find that difficult, which would only add to your negative self talk. Counseling could really help you, as an effective counselor will help you to redirect that negative energy rather than add to it by being critical. You've made a big and courageous step by questioning what's wrong and initially seeking help here..take it the next step to counseling. If you don't like it, you can always stop. You have nothing to lose. Best of luck.</p>
<p>welcome to everyday of my life since i was thirteen. depression is tough. everyone goes through thr blues every once and awhile but if this keeps ups or has been going on for some time, see someone, it couldn't hurt and even though i hate therapy, i also need someone to make sure i'm safe and check up on me at school.</p>
<p>Something to think about is that you experienced all these people on move-in day...a day with LOTS of people (students, family, etc). After the first couple weeks of school, everything will start settling down, and friendships and interests will hopefully start to become clear.
Your classes may give you insight into future interests, so take in everything that you do, and build from there.</p>
<p>go out, get some fresh air..i have those moments sometimes..you just have to learn not to let those negatives take over your life..go out with people, relax, let loose a little, just give it some time..hopefully things will get better :)</p>
<p>I do go out with people and get fresh air and have given it years.</p>
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In short, get up off your butt, suck it up, and do something. This clearly isn't the response you're looking for, but it's what you need to do. Nobody's going to feel bad for you about not caring about school and nobody's going to feel bad for you about not being passionate.
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<p>Thanks, some posts in that link (esp 1 on third page) were helpful. I agree I was probably given everything to me as a child (material) so that I didn't have to work hard but I did not get much emotional comfort. I do have a passion for jets, and I am at a top school for studying aerospace, and I want to get a high gpa/do well in rotc so that I might have a chance for a fighter pilot slot, which would be my dream. </p>
<p>The problem is, I'm having trouble staying motivated short-term. I feel like I'm at one side of the grand canyon and I have to get to the other. I'd rather just sit down and watch the clouds pass. Which I know sounds stupid because you only get one life right? Well there's all these obstacles (school, loneliness, boredom, consuming myself in thought-processes, questioning the meaning of life, trying to understand girls) that I have to deal right now that make it seem not worth the effort. It's like I have to waste 4 years of my life to get there.</p>
<p>I mean I guess I need to deal with it since it's part of life, but it isn't that easy. To the counselor idea, thanks for affirming that option, but I can't see doing that until I'm desperate (which I guess I'm not too far away from that).</p>
<p>
[quote]
The problem is, I'm having trouble staying motivated short-term. I feel like I'm at one side of the grand canyon and I have to get to the other. I'd rather just sit down and watch the clouds pass. Which I know sounds stupid because you only get one life right? Well there's all these obstacles (school, loneliness, boredom, consuming myself in thought-processes, questioning the meaning of life, trying to understand girls) that I have to deal right now that make it seem not worth the effort. It's like I have to waste 4 years of my life to get there.
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I think this paragraph is revealing. It describes my current temperament pretty accurately so I can't really give you a concrete solution but I think your problem is that you're almost paralyzed with hesitation and fear. I myself can't engage in anything significant because I see the enormity of the task ahead and I immediately quit or unconsciously find a way to distract myself. The result is that the task never gets completed (whether intellectual or social or whatever) because my fear of failure stops me cold. I then dismiss/rationalize this as some sort of "existential angst" or epic boredom. Perhaps this describes you as well?</p>
<p>That's great that you have a long term goal (4 years of college/ROTC). But I think you also need some short term goals to keep you motivated in your day to day life. Is there anything you really want to do that you could accomplish in the short term?</p>
<p>Try to change your focus to short term. Make a list of things you like doing and go do one thing, no matter how simple it is. </p>
<p>Take a long walk. Try out the gym at your school. Both of these will raise your mood. </p>
<p>The first few days of move in at college are hectic and overwhelming. It may also be more uncomfortable for you as you had the school more to yourself over the summer and now all these people are invading your space. Once classes start and a routine is established, it should feel more organized. </p>
<p>Talking to someone in counseling is a good option. It might be you need to vent your feelings right now. Being at college can feel lonely at times. You may just need a jump start with a listening ear and some helpful suggestions. If you don't find it helpful you can always discontinue it.</p>