What score should this ESSAY get? HELP!!

<p>"The old saying, 'be careful what you wish for,' may be an apporpirate warning. The drive to achieve a particular goal can dangerously narrow one's perspective and encourage the fantasy that success in one endeavor will solve all of life's difficulties. In fact, success can sometimes ahve unexpected consequences. The who propel themselves toward thee achievement of one goal often find that their lives are worse once 'success' is achieved than they were before."</p>

<p>"Can success be disastrous? Plan and write..........."</p>

<p>Many people look for success, hoping that it would solve all the problems, however, not all success end with desirable consequences. When a person is blindly groping for success, he/she often cannot see the deleterious effects of the achievement the person is seeking. Personal experiences and literatures have taught me, a fantasy for success can often disillusion the person thus leading him/she to disastrous effects, even some would call failures.</p>

<p>In real life, a similiar cause was experienced by myself. While I was doing homework with a great friend of mine, a thought of plagiarism came up, I soon proposed the idea to my friend. Even though he first denied, claiming that it will only have negative effects on me, but he was later convinced of letting me copy his homework. Ironicly, a pop-quiz based on the homework was given the next day, just the time when i was ready to claim for success since I recieved a homework grade. To a person who did not do his homework by himself, the pop-quiz was a total chaos. I then learned a valuable lesson : desire for success can often lead to insignificant short-term pleasure, and long term devastating effects.</p>

<p>A similiar theme was revealed in DEATH OF A SALESMAN, a play written by Harper Lee. In the play, the Lomans', a middle class family, faces economical crisis after Willy is fired for his mental unstability and age. Willy, as a salesman, wishes his sons, Billy and Happy to also enter the business field. Eventhough Billy wishes to become a farmer, he was later convinced by Willy to enter the field of business. Ironically, when Billy is ready to enter the business world, he finds himself no money to start a business of any sort. Willy, sacraficingly, committs suicide, hoping to recieve money from the insurance company. Willy's fantasy for success convinces Willy that the insurance company will grant the money when he committs suicide, what he does not realize is the insurance company does not grant money for suicide and his death leaves the family nothing but grief.</p>

<p>While many people seek for success, they are unaware of the negative effects that may follow. Therefore, before one makes a move toward success, he/she must consider the consequences.</p>

<p>it took me around 30 min....so...i think many grammar errors are fixed, but i need to write faster i guess...</p>