What score would you give me for this essay? SAT ESSAY out of 6.?

Test Preparation
1

<p>What score would you give me for this essay? SAT ESSAY out of 6.?
prompt: why should people take more responsibility for solving a problem that affects their community or nation in general?
I gave myself a 4 so it's 8 out of 12... please give me some comments about how i can improve it</p>

<pre><code> Many factors affect a community or a nations in general. one of the factors is decision making or solving problems. It is true that people must take more responsibility for solving problems that have effects on their community or nation. One example that can prove this thesis is the earth quake of Rey, Iran in 2000.

I'm from Iran. I remember that a large number of people in Rey needed houses and places where they could live in. After several petitions by the citizens, the government gave money to a group of civil engineers an constructors to find an area where they could build houses and apartments. I remember that it only took the professionals couple weeks to start building. It was obvious that no one actually took the time to plan where and how they should build apartments. No one cared. They were in a haste to just receive their salaries since government had offered good amount of money if they could get the project over with in a short time. After about three months, people were already moving to their apartments and houses. In almost five months every citizen had a place to live in. When a year later the Iranian famous earth quake of Rey 2000 hit the city, it looked liked ( I KNOW LOOK) that god had unleashed his wrath to take the people into hell. It took only eight seconds after the new-build houses were eradicated. Many people were killed as well. As a result, the country went to ( THROUGH) a crisis. The government had to rebuild the area, many families sued the government, and lots of citizens wanted money from their insurance company. Thus, if the professionals had built better houses then this crisis would have never happened.

In conclusion, people must take responsibility to solve the problems because every decision affects the community. The Iranian earth quake of Rey in 2000 shows clearly that what can happen if people don't take responsibility for solving a problem
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2

<p>Hey farzzin2012,</p>

<p>Your essay has too much storytelling and too little analyzing. You provide a relatively detailed paragraph of background information on the earthquake so we get a nice story, but you need to analyze it more and make it relate to the essay topic. </p>

<p>Your last sentence is “The Iranian earth quake of Rey in 2000 shows clearly that what can happen if people don’t take responsibility for solving a problem”. You need to explain how the earthquake showed what can happen if people don’t take responsibility, don’t just say that it does.</p>

3

<p>Your essay is off topic. It does not address the thesis: “Why should people take more responsibility for solving a problem that affects their community or nation in general?”</p>

<p>So “What was the problem that effected the community?” When I read the first half of your example I assumed that the problem was the need for housing. But your exposition went far afield from the problem statement. Perhaps you meant that the problem was dealing with the earthquake? Or rebuilding the houses destroyed by the earthquake? Or reimbursing the homeowners for the damage due to poor construction? </p>

<p>You may very well get a “0” on this essay because it does not connect to the thesis – i.e. it’s off topic.</p>

4

<p>A 0? I don’t think so! A 6/12 will be appropriate for this essay.</p>