<p>I'm at an out of state college, and I'm not very happy. I'm extremely homesick and lonely. I try to meet people, but the conversations never really progress or I don't end up hanging out with them again. I go whenever someone like my roommate invites me somewhere, including to parties even though I'm not into drinking, but I don't feel comfortable. I know that many people feel homesick in the beginning, but I know myself, and I don't see it getting better. I'm not the typical college student--I'm not into drinking, sex, hookah, whatever. I'm already looking into transferring to the university in my hometown where I could live at home and be with my family and friends. I feel like if I do leave even after a year that I'm a failure, but I'm not happy here. I'm also afraid that my parents wouldn't let me transfer because they want me to "leave the nest" and form my own life. I just don't think I can do this anymore.</p>
<p>What do you like to do?</p>
<p>You don't have to be into those things to make friends, in fact I know alot of college students who refrain from those things for many reasons. I'm pretty sure there might be someone like you in the college, also even if everyone in the college are into one of those things then try to find someone who can accept that you aren't into doing that and not pressure you into it. I'm pretty sure there are some people like that in your college.</p>
<p>As Minty said, no matter where you are, you can find people that share your values and people who you'll soon feel comfortable around. If there's any sort of substance-free community on campus (maybe a sub-free dorm or sub-free event planning group), getting involved with that, while it might be intimidating to do, would definitely springboard you into a group of people who share or greatly respect your lifestyle.</p>
<p>How long have you been at school? The first couple weeks are pretty shakey for most people, even those who are the more typical crazy/partying college student. I know it sucks now, but try to hang in there and give things a little more time, because there's a very high chance that you'll settle in there and find your niche. On the very slim chance that things don't get any easier over time, you can certainly transfer and shouldn't at all feel like a failure if you tried to make the situation work.</p>
<p>I think it's great that you're going out when the roommate or others invite you. Keep on trying to do that as much as you can. You never know -- you might meet someone at a party who also out of their element but just trying to meet people. </p>
<p>Best wishes.</p>
<p>Go to your college web site and see what clubs there are on campus. If you are at all interested in a club go to their meetings and get involved. Another good place to meet people are religious groups, which are very student focused at colleges. I don't believe you have to belong to the particular denomination, just keep an open mind. When you are in your room always leave your door open and if someone stops and says hi invite them in. Trust me no matter how it appears to you there are others who feel the same way you do. Give yourself at least a month before you decide anything. All you need is one friend the rest will follow. Wishing you happy days.</p>
<p>On any campus there are people who aren't into hook-ups, partying and drinking. </p>
<p>No matter whether one is in state or from out of state, it takes virtually everyone at least a few months to adjust to life on campus. Even people who seem to have made friends and to be well adjusted probably still are sometimes depressed/stressed because it is a major transition to go to college, and one doesn't get instant friends. Often people hang around at first out of desperation and loneliness with people whom they don't have much in common with.</p>
<p>Typically, the best way to make friends is to start participating in some clubs that interest you -- whether or not you have past experience in those kind of clubs. The best part of being a freshman is that when you join clubs, no one expects that you'll know everything about them. </p>
<p>Most of the time, people make their closest friends through things like clubs that bring them together with people whom they have things in common with. Make a point also of volunteering for committees, projects, etc. with the clubs. By working closely with others, you'll get friends.</p>
<p>Realize, too, that you didn't get your h.s. friends instantly. It takes a while for friendships to develop, so give yourself that time.</p>
<p>I have looked into joining clubs, but most clubs here that I'm interested in have huge membership. Going to a meeting is like going to one of my huge lecture classes--not very conducive to meeting people or holding conversations beyond the basic niceties. </p>
<p>One of the parties that I've gone to was actually all people who were part of a community service organization I was thinking of joining. I'm not so sure I'm interested anymore now that I see what they do in their spare time.</p>
<p>I had a miserable freshman year in high school, and it took me a really long time to make friends. I don't think I can go through that again, especially on such a large scale and when I'm away from my home and family. </p>
<p>I know that I should give it time and try to stick it out, but I know myself, and I really can't see myself being happy here. I don't even know why I posted this because I knew what the replies would say. I'm not looking for validation of my plan to transfer; I just don't know what else to do. Thanks for taking the time to answer and give me your advice. I do really appreciate it.</p>
<p>Not all people in community service organizations party the way that the people whom you saw did.</p>
<p>On any campus, there have to be some people whom you have things in common with.</p>
<p>My suggestion is that you make an appointment with your college counseling center. Your seem very sad, and when one is sad, it is very hard to see the good possibilities that are in your life. Even if you do decide to transfer, having some counseling can help you have a better experience during your time at the college you're attending.</p>
<p>ahhh im in the exact same situation as you! In HS i had a fair amount of friends, but i went to a large public university 1000 miles away from me (not in my state, obviously) where 85% of students are in state and it seems like everyone knows at least 5 people from their HS. It's been hard making friends, but i'm just telling myself this: College is a HUGE change for everyone, and its human nature to resist change so people are sticking with the people they know. I'm hoping/assuming that when people get more acclimated, they will be friendlier. Oh, also, try not to look desperate when meeting people. It WILL get better! (It has to, right?)</p>
<p>ok, you might not be religious at all, but if you check out some Christian fellowship groups on campus you might find your niche. A lot of groups don't fit the "judgmental Christian" stereotype and will accept you for who you are, and in addition, there is no drinking and partying. Plus, no one is going to force you to become religious if you don't want to - but you can meet a lot of great people.</p>
<p>Work for Starbucks! I'm being slightly facetious, but I really did learn a lot about confidence and how to meet people just by having to be constantly friendly and make small talk with customers and co-workers. </p>
<p>On a serious note, I feel ya. I've gotten to the point where I accept the college I'm at, even though I can't stand it and a good majority of the people here. I know I can last until I graduate. But if you show that you're having a miserable time, people pick up on it, and will be put off. Smile! And honestly, being an out-of-state student myself, you'll probably feel like your first semester SUCKS, but going back home isn't going to change the issues you're having right now (unless you plan to live at home for the rest of your life and never come out, then, well, I guess moving back would work). College is the perfect opportunity to learn valuable social skills and learn how to deal with people from all walks of life. </p>
<p>I think I might have read this on here, but definitely give a club at least three meetings before you give up on it. Check out religious affiliations even just to make contacts. Use those Starbucks skills and ask people how their days were. See if anyone wants to be in a study group in your classes. Be yourself. I can't even begin to tell you how much better I feel like my semester is going this year. I know my enthusiasm must be disgusting right now, haha, but cheer up! I hope things get better for you :).</p>
<p>I had the exact same problem when I first went to college. Here's my advice.</p>
<p>1) I'm not sure how long you've been there, but you owe it to yourself to stick it out for a year. I was miserable until March of my freshman year, but now I really couldn't be happier with my college choice. You can do transfer apps and whatever, but I don't recommend transferring until your sophomore year. You never know.
2) Don't try to find a group of people to hang out with. Try to find one person that you relate to and go with that. They can introduce you to their friends and you can find a "group" that way, but it's way less intimidating and difficult than trying to make a connection with a lot of people at once.
3) If you're looking at clubs, I recommend something that's interest based as opposed to accomplishment based. Community service and student government are great, but they tend to have agendas that they exist solely to accomplish. If you look for something that doesn't have a goal like that, there will be more time to connect with the other students.
4) Try to get a study group going for a class. Bring cookies. Chances are, you'll get distracted and start talking about other things. That's how friendships start.</p>