<p>Hi. I think my mom might be dying. She was never this way before. Now she goes to hospital everyday and food was like her life but she does not even eat anymore. She cries all the time when she is talking on the phone and she lies in bed all day. She told me that now I have to do everything alone and she wouldn't go shopping with me anymore but gave me her credit card so that I'd go shopping alone and buy whatever I think will look good on me.Today she asked me what I am going to do if she is gone. I asked her what was wrong and she just told me she is very sick but she said she does not want me to know the details and would get angry when I ask. My dad won't tell me either. He pretends nothing is wrong. I am actually mad at my dad for pretending nothing is wrong when he knows that I know something is obviously wrong with mom. I think it's so unfair for them to not tell me what is going on but I feel like if I ask my dad one more time and he doesnt tell me, I might hurt him by telling him that he will be responsible for what he said and if something goes wrong later on, then everything is his fault for playing dumb when we all know somethings very wrong.</p>
<p>Anyway, my heart is broken. I just want to cry like a baby and tell mom not to die and ask her how sick she is but that will break her heart. So I pretend I don't care and talk only about how I want some new makeup or clothes and I can only cry when I take shower. I am going back to school in a week for summer classes and I am worried and afraid. If she is really sick, then I am more than willing to take a leave from school and stay with her but I think she is not telling me how sick she is for that reason. I've been the biggest mommys girl and I always caused her troubles but I thought it was okay because I knew in my heart I would graduate from a good school, get a nice job and buy mom everything she wanted and make her happy so if she dies soon, she will be the most pitiful Mommy.</p>
<p>What should I do? If she is really sick as I think she is, then how am I going to live?</p>
<p>First of all, despair is for people who know the future. Since you do not know the future, you should not despair. I’m not saying you shouldn’t cry or feel sad. But I am saying that you should not act as if all hope were lost.</p>
<p>Your imagination, your worry over what it could be, is torturing you, and you need to tell your parents that your imagination is torturing you, and that you’d prefer to have the truth. If they are sparing you from the truth then they are inflicting your own imagination on you, and that is not good.</p>
<p>Even if the news is the worst possible news about your mom’s health, the certainty will give your mind something to settle on which is better than letting what-ifs consume your every waking thought. There is a certain peace that comes with knowing that some unfortunate thing is certain, it unburdens you from worry that you didn’t even realize was there.</p>
<p>Obviously some very bad news about your mom’s health will not make you happy, but knowing it would put you in a better position than you are in now.</p>
<p>I know absolutely nothing about your mom or her health, so I am in no position to tell you “it’s probably not that bad,” but I can tell you this, and you may not want to hear it: there is no good time for a parent to die. No matter how old you are, saying goodbye to a parent is not easy. But you will survive this. I know it is hard to imagine life without your mom but there <em>is</em> life without your mom. People move on from the death of a loved one.</p>
<p>I’m a Christian, and so is my family. I don’t believe that a person who is saved by the Grace of God (not because they are better or more deserving than other people, but because by their faith in Jesus have surrendered themselves to His Grace) ever dies, I believe in the promise of everlasting life. You may not be a believer, you may be Hindu, but if I have God’s Grace and fulfillment, how could I not share it with you?</p>
<p>^A beautiful response Tom</p>
<p>OP…You do need to have a talk with your parents. You need to tell them that if they are holding something back you will not have been able to do what you want and need to do if your mom is really very sick. Has your mom ever been ill before? Ever been in bed or seeing many doctors? Let your mom know that you want to be there for her and if they are failing to tell you the truth than that would be robbing both you and your mom of precious time together. You need your mom now and she needs you. I hope things are better than they seem.</p>
<p>You might also consider seeing a counselor to help you work through this. A counselor can suggest ways of approaching your parents and, if the worst happens, will be able to help you cope.</p>
<p>OP,
if you feel you cannot say what you are thinking to your parents out loud, try writing each of them a letter expressing your feelings and your needs.
It’s obvious that right now there is something wrong and that your parents are overwhelmed, and in their love for you, are trying their best to protect you…
by writing to them perhaps they will not feel they need to be so in-the-moment defensive, and they will be able to take the time to digest your message to them, and come to you with the information in a way that is more forthcoming but within their comfort zone.
It never hurts to let parents know how much you love them…and how much you love them for trying to protect you from life’s harshness…and how much you love them and want to get through this together.</p>
<p>liveforever…Have you been able to communicate with your mom or dad? Hope you are doing O.K.</p>