what should i do?

Parents Forum
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<p>hi i came on this blog some time ago, and i was wondering if any of you could offer advice. </p>

<p>i am 20 years old in college, but i am living with my parents, and i have absolutly no friends. i have never, ever had any friends, and i feel so depressed and lonely. in high school i used to talk to some kids, but i never would give them my phone number since my parents would not like it, and now in college i cannot talk to anyone. i talk to kids in class, but i can never go to parties, i have to tell my parents wherever i am going, and such. </p>

<p>i just stay in my room the whole day. i just wake, up, go to class, and drive back. i feel sooooo depressed and hopeless. i feel guilty because i am having so much opportnity, and in most such countries they will never have such opportunity, but i cannot make use of anything, and i feel like my head is exploding with bordom. i am having so much difficulty concentrating. </p>

<p>to make things worse i have a suttering problem, and i am very shy. but i can make friends with a few people and i regret it so much that i have never talked to anyone or that i felt so shy to give someone my phone number and have them call me. in high school i remember i had such a good friend in english class, and he asked several times for my phone number, and i would alyws says "i don't know" and he was so hurt and did not ask again, and then he switched classes, and i always think what would my life be if i were his friend??</p>

<p>Would my life have been different? Would I have more social skills?</p>

<p>I wanted to go to a university some hours away, but then my parents pushed my to go to a local school they were telling me that it would be too diffcult, etc. </p>

<p>in high school i was hopeful that i could get into a good college, make friend, and live a normal life, and i got good grades. but now i see no hope. my parents want me to go to medical school but i don't want, becuase i don't want to be a doctor and because the medical school is right near our house. i feel so depressed that when i try to learn i cannot. </p>

<p>i want to go into computer science, but my parents will not allwo, and they PAY ALL MY BILLS, AND SO I FEEL GULTY THAT I AM GETTING SO MUCH BENIFIT BUT CANNOT MAKE USE OF THE OPPOTUNIRY AND OTHERS HAVE IT MUCH WORSE. </p>

<p>i want to start my own web company, and i have thought of a new idea but I HAVE SO PROGRAMMING SKILLS. i have asked some local developers and students if they wanted to partner with me to develop the project BUT THEY ALL SAY NO BECASUE I HAVE NO SKILLS AND MONEY </p>

<p>i am thinking of getting a part time job to save up so that i can hire a developer to develop the program for me, but my parents WILL NOT ALLOW MY TO GET A JOB THEY WANT ME TO STAY HOME AND STUDY ALL DAY. </p>

<p>WHAT SHOULD I SAY? I HAVE NO SOCIAL SKILLS and have no clue how to live in real life. I have NEVER HAD A FRIEND, AND NEVER LIVED ON MY OWN. IF I RUN AWAY, HOW WILL I BUY A LIVING SPACE? INSURANCE, ETC. i am no sure what to do but i cannot continue this way, i feel trapped in a cage, with no door....</p>

<p>Thank you so much for your advice.</p>

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<p>Look for some work/ internship possibilities that go with what you are studying so that your parents feel this is a worth while enterprise. That gives you a bit more of a relaxed environment to meet some people. Just take it slow and easy. People too eager make others back off and uncomfortable. Go visit a counselor at your school’s mental health clinic, and get some ideas as to how to interact with others and opportunities to do so. Just understand that this is going to be a very slow process, but try to get yourself in more informal situations little by little.</p>

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<p>I wish you luck. I don’t know what to do, but if your parents are forcing you to do what they want, you can’t live your life. See if you can persuade them that you need to live your life, and see if you can make them understand what you want for a career. And cpt is right - visit a counselor at your school and see what suggestions he/she might have.</p>

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<p>I also encourage you to see a therapist. A combination of meds and cognitive therapy can be an enormous help in overcoming social anxiety issues.</p>

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<p>bookworm’s suggestion is excellent. Also, try making some friends online. You may feel less anxiety (for example, about stuttering) online. Find some forums or bulletin boards where people have similar interests to yours, and begin reading them, and participate if you like. Perhaps a tech forum for would-be programmers?</p>

<p>Why won’t your parents pay for computer science? It is likely to lead to good job prospects. </p>

<p>Please don’t worry about how your life “could have been,” but concentrate on how it can be. Many people do not blossom socially until early adulthood.</p>

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<ol>
<li>find a club at school with activities that interest you, either in your comfort zone of what’s familiar or outside. Even if it is a club that corresponds with your cultural heritage.<br></li>
</ol>

<p>Do more things outside the house - in small increments -> attend events at the school, your local library, museum - I’m not sure what interests you. There’s an online group called Meetups, I think; you can find out when local folks are getting together (for talk and socializing about different programming languages etc). Yes, it’s hard attending the first time; it gets easier. You need to do these things for yourself, and so your parents acclimate to your independence. They are being irrationally strict about not attending parties; surely there are some activities that would be acceptable to them and you.</p>

<p>Granted, you need to keep your grades up while you slowly integrate more activities into your life.</p>

<p>

</p>

<ol>
<li>Continue to work at finding someone with computer skills. It took me about 2 years to find the right person to work with on my web app (and I do have a bit of money to sink into my idea). Finding the right person to work with does not happen overnight. You have to keep hounding away at it, until you find the right ‘match.’ Find local clubs of computer folks, especially at the school. The school may even have a program set up where the students get credit for doing a project. The problem is, you don’t want the other folks to take your idea and run with it. But the kids in the computer sci dept need real-life practical problems to solve (rather than working things thru from their textbook). So, it can be a win-win situation. They may have a job board of kids looking for work to fulfill their class requirements. They may have a bulletin board where you can post something. You may have to be willing to give up some of the actual income when/if the company is lucrative. Make sure you have some written agreement (the best is that they are getting school credit, and have no further interest in the company). If you can’t find a college kid, go to the local high schools.</li>
</ol>

<p>Alternatively, since it sounds like you have the TIME, acquire the skills to build your site. Not easy, but very satisfying. I’m not sure if you are paying for each class you take piecemeal, or if you can sign up for additional classes. Whatever - you are young and can learn programming. </p>

<ol>
<li><p>as cptofthehouse says, definitely go to the school’s mental health clinic. You are not the first to have troubles, and you won’t be the last.</p></li>
<li><p>I take it you don’t have a cell phone, and don’t want to give out your home phone number. Surely you have an email address? Make up ‘business cards’ with your name and email address; that way, if you are in a social situation where people are exchanging phone numbers, you can hand the person card and say, “I use email more than phones”</p></li>
<li><p>Find some physical activity to engage in, at the school’s gym or wellness center or a club. This is very important and I need to do it myself!</p></li>
<li><p>And, like it or not, you have to sit down with your parents and tell them that you are not happy, and do not want to pursue med school.</p></li>
</ol>

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<p>I like the idea of going to your campus counseling center. It is confidential. No one need know you are going. It can be a gateway to other services that might help. Have you had speech therapy, for example? Sometimes a very low dose of an antidepressant can reduce anxiety enough that stuttering improves. It can also help social anxiety. </p>

<p>I also like cptofthehouse’s advice about a parttime job or internship related to your studies. Your parents might ok that if they felt it would increase your chances of getting a job after college (and it might indeed help). It also gets you out more and gives you a valid reason to interact with others, but the focus is on the work, not you. that usually makes it easier to approach others. Good luck!</p>

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<p>Cut class one afternoon, and go to see “The King’s Speech”. You will be inspired by how one shy man was able to overcome his speech difficulties and take on the job his country required of him even though it was one he never desired to have. With the right help, you too can learn to speak with more confidence, and your life can change. The counselors at your student health office can help you find the help that you need.</p>

<p>One possibility that you need to consider, is that your parents think that they are protecting you. They are fully aware that you are shy, and that you have difficulty speaking with strangers. They think that they are doing the right thing by encouraging you to live at home. The counselors at your college can help you find good ways to become more independent, so that you will be able to help your parents understand that you are more in need of support than protection.</p>

<p>Wishing you all the best.</p>

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<p>hopeful77</p>

<p>You need to go to the student counseling center of your University for some professional assistance and then just work yourself up from there with their guidance. There is no shame in that at all, which is why more than one person has already mentioned that on this thread :slight_smile: Everything with your parents will come about in due time, dear. In the here and now, please avail yourself of some professional assistance. </p>

<p>My late great uncle had a very, very severe stutter and so I most sincerely do emphasize with you on that a very great deal. The ladies and gentlemen from The Stuttering Foundation of America have a fair amount of resources which might help you and they are a non profit organization. [Stuttering</a> Foundation of America](<a href=“http://www.stutteringhelp.org%5DStuttering”>http://www.stutteringhelp.org)</p>

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<p>I agreed with happymomof1’s advice about seeing the movie 'The King’s Speech". Have you seen it yet?</p>

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<p>Oh, and hopeful77, I like your username.</p>