<p>Well if you figure it out let me know. My high IQ son does very well on the standardized tests, clearly understands the material being taught in his classes at school but rarely gets above a B+ for a term grade. Nothing has motivated this kid short of sitting down with him every night for hours reviewing the material with him. And that doesn't really motivate him it just forces him, DH and I to spend more time together agonizing over school. Now in his sophomore year we have decided to let the chips fall where they may. He is in honors/AP classes, getting his B's and satisfied. He will probably get merit money (don't qualify for FA) from some schools because of his SAT scores and mediocore grades but it may not be enough to allow him to go to some of the 50-60K a year schools he would like to. He knows it, but but I am not seeing more A's.</p>
<p>Two recommended paths that we chose in our family:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Accepted the fact that kids mature at different rates, and until they find the spark within you can't ignite it for them. Lots of amazing bright and wonderfully successful people started out at "lesser" colleges, or even none at all -at least immediately upon HS graduation.</p></li>
<li><p>Listen to your kid. Has he ever expressed any interest, casual, flippant or otherwise, in any particular school? Ours had. So I went on-line and printed out the raw data for the 2012 incoming class for each. I waited until an opportune moment when the timing was right, and showed it to ours. I said this is not our dream for you, this is a dream you have expressed before. Here are the numbers showing what you need to have to be considered for admission there. I said we won't be disappointed in you if you choose not to aspire to this. But you should consider whether you might be disappointed in yourself. You are capable of achieving it, no question, but the question is do you want it. That we, as your parents, cannot answer for you. Only you can. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>And then we left it.</p>
<p>Am I the only parent who has a GIRL that mimics all of these qualities? I feel like an alien;</p>
<p>If you were to define "lazy" as one who doesn't have a passion for anything (other than socializing). she would fit the bill.....does all her work, gets B's, but really no spark....except she could easily talk her way around most of her friends; gift of verbal communication, but it doesn't translate to anything that interests her.. (and we have tried alot of EC's, etc)</p>
<p>She was tested in 7th grade by an ed psych.....very borderline focusing issues, but not enough to explain "lazy" attitude....</p>
<p>Thanks again for all your support! I feels good to have other parents who are going through this or have already gotten through it.</p>
<p>My son is NOT HPY driven. The only competitive school he has mentioned is Brown and that is because guess what..... NO GRADES. He is committed to finding the right "fit" for him and will probably look at many schools to find one that he loves. He refuses to talk about colleges this early on. He does choose to take challenging classes..... honors and AP's ( next year, no AP's in 9th) and basically gets the same grades in the harder classes as the easiest, so at least he gets the weighted grade. It's just hard as a parent.... and I am NOT a helicopter parent in any way..... he is my #4 boy, I'm long over micro-managing my kids, to give up the expectations of a VERY smart boy not working up to his potential. He got 1950 on the SAT in 7th grade and so he has natural talent and is not using it. On the other hand, one of my boys did not have that natural gift and had to work sooo hard in school and it just doesn't seem fair. I guess life is just crazy like that. I feel very lucky though that he is such a great kid, and I tell him everyday how proud I am of him because of that.</p>
<p>hjlee, I enjoy reading your post. I guess my daughter would have fall into the "organic free range chicken" category. I left her at home in the summer with her sister, nothing planned, my husband and I had to work. She took our small camera, wrote a few short stories and using the camera to shoot the short videos and her younger sister as a muse. She seemed to discover her passion that way because that is the major she is going to do at her college which is known for film.</p>
<p>From a college student, not parent, here -- perhaps see if you can excite the son with either A) A challenge, or B) some genuinely interesting subject matter which captivates him. </p>
<p>Generally, people work very hard because either they naturally like the material, or want to achieve a specific goal. It might be easier to arrange (A) than (B)!!</p>
<p>Seems like that's an issue that parents have to endure until academic maturity sets in... Had the same problem with one of my sons... and one of my daughters... Then about in the 11th grade my son's attitude just changed. My daughter got it when she was in her junior year of college... She got fair grades but no effort. She is doing her doctoral program now and there is no one more focused than her.</p>
<p>Could it be the typical suburban malaise which is affecting these boys and girls? </p>
<p>A lifetime of entitlement, creature comforts, no reason to work up to one's potential?</p>
<p>I would encourage parents to look at summer programs like National Outdoor Leadership (NOLS) based in Wyoming, or other reality-based experiences which challenge kids physically, mentally and socially. </p>
<p>I've seen kids emerge stronger, more focussed, with a sense of their amazing capabilities. These young 17 and 18 year olds are built to slay woolly mammouths and rarely have profound challenges in their lives (excepting athletics). </p>
<p>There are a variety of different programs with different companies--mountaineering, trekking, sailing, canoeing, in some breathtaking locations.</p>