<p>I was sobbing through all these tales, in anticipation of sending my twins off to college this August, my final offspring. And then I read this:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Nothing better than a bracing slap in the face. Thanks, I needed that!</p>
<p>Our son commuted for his first two years though he has an apartment on campus too. He went to his internship for the summer so it’s really our first time without him around. We did video chat for an hour a few days ago - no contact last night but our internet was iffy. We’re in electronic communications mode - computer only. His phone is off most of the time. I have the feeling that he’s very, very busy with his job.</p>
<p>I kept telling myself that if I thought it was harder for us, it was much harder for D…didn’t work, we both cried!</p>
<p>Just tell yourself that thanks to the magic of cell phones, texting, e-mail, etc., you will often think they never left!</p>
<p>Big tough Dad here all ready for the tears (D1’s) on final drop off. D1 gets out of car carrying her last minute items (wd-40 because the bed springs squeaked and a clothes drying rack because we couldn’t pass a Bed, Bath and Beyond without going in) she sees a suite-mate across the quad - bye Dad, love you - and that was it. </p>
<p>Seems like every other first drop off, Kindergarden - Elementary School - Middle School - High School … all ready for drama and I’m left wondering how I got so lucky … and putting on my sun glasses so its not obvious that I’m the one crying.</p>
<p>One of the best/hardest things we’ve done.</p>
<p>I "had ’ to leave S when he was 14 at boarding school. Though going to the school was a dream come true for him, as we were leaving he turned his head away so I wouldn’t see the tears rolling down his cheeks. All the way home and without relief for a solid week it felt like there was a knife in my heart, the pain was so bad - sooooooo leaving him off to college last year wasn’t so bad! We hugged, said good bye, some sadness but not agony! D leaves early next week (summer program) - I hope it won’t be too bad.</p>
<p>I was so sad her senior year thinking about her leaving home but as it got closer I started to get more excited for her and as corny as it sounds that excitement took the place of some of the sorror. When we dropped her off, we did stay overnight - which was a good thing. She was assigned (not by choice!) a single room and in the 3 - 4 hours we spent moving her in and setting up her room she had not met a single person. I felt funny leaving her like that, but we checked into the hotel, relaxed a bit and then went to dinner. I texted around 7:00 to ask if she had dinner yet and she said no. I had horrid thoughts that she was sitting in a room all alone with no one to dine with so I immediately called her and invited her to join us for dinner. She quickly said - “Mom, I’m fine I’m hanging out in a girl’s room with a bunch of girls and we are just waiting for one girl to get ready and then we are ALL going to dinner together”. Guess she shut me up fast! The university did have an orientation program for parents move in day and the following day - so we said our official good bye a day or so later. My husband and I took a few days “mini vacation” after dropping her off. Spending quality time with my husband and seeing my daughter happy made all the difference. I definitely recommend trying to schedule something fun immediately following drop off - it will take your mind off it! Good luck to all the freshman parents this summer!</p>
<p>Came the moment in the late afternoon when D and I were on a nearly empty quad, I gave her a hug and a kiss and she turned one way to walk to her first House meeting, I turned the other way to my rental car. Drove a few miles in pained daze with a very tight chest, got to a book story and picked up a copy of a Mary Renault novel…I think it was THE LAST OF THE WINE, though it’s possible it may have been THE PERSIAN BOY. Went to a decent restaurant just a few blocks from the college, ate a steak dinner alone…haven’t disliked dining alone in a restaurant since I was single…read my book and had couple of glasses of good red wine. Somewhere along the line I called TheMom on the West Coast and said “Terminus est” or something of that vein.</p>
<p>I won’t deny it, it was painful. I was just as certain that it was the best thing for D and the beginning of a terrific four years of experience and I was right. The semesters and years as they unfolded were a joy to watch and vicariously experience. Sometimes you have to keep your eye on the horizon and ignore the rocks you’re stubbing your toe on at the moment.</p>
<p>In any event, I do recommend a couple of glasses of good wine when the time comes.</p>
<p>I focused hard on how proud I was of him and how grateful I was to have been his mother and to have had him with me for 18 years. </p>
<p>Proud and grateful. Proud and grateful. I have loved being his mother–thinking about it was uplifting.</p>
<p>It worked. I can’t be grateful and feel sorry for myself at the same time. </p>
<p>Then I fell apart a day or so after I got home.</p>
<p>I’ve had to stop after reading puzzeled88 and oldfort’s posts. I’m already crying from those two alone, and today is NOT a day I need a good cry.</p>
<p>It wasn’t as bad as I thought. After move-in, each college (residential colleges) had a nice luncheon for students and parents, then all sorts of parent orientation activities. We left our children at about 1:00 PM (with forewarning) to head off to the parent activities. It was exciting. I really felt his excitement, so didn’t feel sad. His roomate’s parents took me under their wing for a bit. Their daughter had just graduated, they knew many people on campus, and they were from nearby. We were 2000 miles from home and didn’t know ANYONE!</p>
<p>I got a little weepy when I checked out of the hotel the next day; all I kept thinking was “I’m leaving this state without my son.” </p>
<p>A word of advice: As soon as I got home, I cleaned his room. That was a bad idea. Everytime I walked by the empty room, I felt sad. Now, I leave it messy for a week after each time he’s home on break!</p>
<p>I cried a little when I said goodbye after move-in but I sobbed heaving sobs at the airport after I got through security…at that moment the sadness/pain was as if I’d abandoned my child…and I didn’t care who was looking. With 2nd child it was easier because I guess I knew I’d survived and so had 1st child; I still cried but no heaving sobs.</p>
<p>We did the drop-off twice. S1 had to attend an off campus orientation (for ROTC) the week before dorm move-in. So we drove him to his sch., stood by watching a U.S. Marine Gunnery Sarg. yell at the kids ( a lot…none of it was nice) then hustle them onto a bus for a 5 hour trip to a vacation in H#@#.</p>
<p>We returned the following week (when he had been released fr. his week in the Stalag )with all his stuff for moving in the dorm. He was mentally and physically exhausted.</p>
<p>He was happy though. He was at big state u. rooming with his best friend fr. home with several other good friends in the dorm next to his. We took him out to eat and then back to campus Just as we are about to say our good-byes (trying not to cry), his cell ph. rings. It’s one of his crazy compadres yelling into the phone for S to get his “hind parts” over to their dorm room asap. </p>
<p>S1 lights up like a Christmas tree (obviously a night of fun had been planned), gives us each a quick hug good-bye and practically skips up the sidewalk to meet the guys…never looked back.
He was so happy that I couldn’t cry. </p>
<p>It went basically the same way with S2. Goes to big state u. rooming with good friend plus other friends from home in nearby dorms. No tearful goodbyes. He was somewhat impatient. His friends had already been by the room ready to go check out the dining hall. He gives us a quick hug goodbye and a “seeya”. No tears.</p>
<p>Dh and I went straight to the beach for a week vacation after the drop-off of S2. It really helped take my mind off the fact that there would be no kids in the house when I got home. </p>
<p>A long time ago someone on CC said that once back home, she found herself missing the sweet young boys/girls they had been rather than the know-it-all 18 yr. old she just dropped off. I found that to be true for me. I did go and sit in their bedrooms a time or two reliving all the years and times that had transpired there. There were a few tears then.
It didn’t last too long though. DH and I have learned to enjoy the empty-nest lfe.
S1 graduated last month. It still hasn’t sunk in that he’s not in school anymore and won’t be coming home for long breaks…OK , there may be some more tears.</p>
<p>Did anyone feel as relieved as I did when I dropped off my D?? I guess I’m the odd one out. Crying didn’t even cross my mind.</p>
<p>We’re on S4, so we should be used to it. My W, however, refused to take the first 3, so it was left to me. She’s debating hard on our last about going. One thing that might help her go is that S4 spent last summer at a university program and we both took him. In any case, W will be crying, either at the airport or school when we leave.</p>
<p>S1 attends the same school as JHS’s kids. S was so ready to tear through the gates, it was all we could do to get a few pics. They have sweet young O-Week aides with tissue boxes and sympathy at the gate for parents. (I took a picture to prove it!) I teared up a little, but did not fall apart. S went running through the gates to cheers and never looked back. (I had to remind DH that he had done something very similar the weekend we met.) The parents were then funnelled to the outdoor reception, where the tables were loaded with beer and wine. Food, too.</p>
<p>DH and went back to our hotel, took a nap, then went out for ribs. Left the following morning and we weren’t on the road half an hour before S called asking where I had packed his shampoo. We’re not obsolete just yet!</p>
<p>I did most of my crying before HS graduation. By then, he was done and so was I. Time to move on. The first week after dropped off S I was fine, as he was SO happy and I knew he had made a wonderful choice. The second week, when I thought I had it all together, I fell apart. I also got weepy when S said goodbye to our dog. </p>
<p>I expected dropping S off to be worse than it was, but DH was having an epic week w/the Lehman Bros. bankruptcy and and frantic travel trying to be in two places at once, but still insisting on being at Chicago for move-in. He managed it, but it was brutal (was in court til 1:30 am, on the way to the airport at 5:30 am, at UofC by 9:30 am. And that was the eighth day of this kind of schedule!). The insanity of that week overrode the sadness of taking S to school – it became a big adventure, which in retrospect, is exactly what it should have been in the first place.</p>
<p>My dad left for a two-year military assignment three weeks before I left for college. My mom took me to school, anded me $50 and said, “you’re on your own.” It wasn’t til we dropped off S (29 years, almost to the day later) that she told me “You know, it’s really hard when the first kid leaves.” That was the first time she had EVER said anything about what she must have felt.</p>
<p>S asked me to please not cry when we said good-bye. I just gulped and told H to start the car. We were very close but of course things changes with time and distance. D and I have grown VERY close over last two years. Last night, she said she going to miss my tuck-ins and good night kisses most of all. (Yes, we still give special good night kisses. Please don’t tell her friends.)
Interestingly, for drop off this year she goes 2 weeks before S. He’s never been the only one home! Should be interesting but VERY difficult I think for her to say goodbye to the 3 of us!</p>
<p>Honestly, the high school graduation aftermath was so sad that I cannot imagine the drop off being any more sad. </p>
<p>Someone here suggested giving “college supplies” for a grad gift – this was excellent advice – not only do we have a head start but it also helps prepare one when the child already has a desk lamp, dorm room rug, linens, and a cute pink hamper. </p>
<p>I was not prepared for how sad I was the day after HS graduation. Reading this thread, I know to schedule a freaking vacation for myself right after D leaves for her college!!</p>
<p>Son signed into Google around 9 PM and we’ve had a video chat session open for two hours. He comes and goes and my laptop is like a portal into his room. I think that he’s chatting with the other guys in his frat right now. My wife and daughter already had their chats with him this evening.</p>
<p>I have the feeling that we can’t get in touch with him. He leaves his phone off most of the time. Worst case: I can always drive up there (it’s 4 hours away).</p>
<p>I’m a single-parent of an only child (just finished Junior year in HS). It’ll just be me and her dog in the house when I come home from dropping her off wherever she goes. </p>
<p>I don’t know how I’ll feel when the time comes - but she’s so excited and I’m so excited for her, I hope that those feelings rule the day. I’m a huge sap though - gently laughed at in my family for being the one who cries at everything. </p>
<p>God, I hope I’m not a sobbing mess on campus. At home, sure, but not on campus. :)</p>
<p>I started to feel sad the summer between junior and senior year and spent most of that summer bursting into tears at random times. I felt like I was experiencing so many “lasts”. When we dropped D1s things off at school there was a flurry of activity and it was fun to help her set up her room in a way that I thought would feel cozy for her (curtains, pillows, pictures). </p>
<p>I tried to keep our goodbye brief and not too emotional because I wanted her to be able to jump into college life with joy and without a swollen red face. As we drove away the song “Miss You” by Blink 182 came on and when the words “don’t waste your time on me, you’re already the voice inside my head” came on, I sobbed for most of the long drive home. The rest of the lyrics aren’t really that related, but that line just struck me. Whenever I feel sad, I think of those lyrics and realize that I am the voice inside D1’s head. I’ve done everything I can to teach her and prepare her. </p>
<p>The year FLEW by and she LOVED every minute of school, which made it a lot easier. We texted/IMd/Facebook chatted or talked by telephone every day. Sometimes it would be just a quick “i love you mom good morning!” or every once in a while, I got the wonderful opportunity to have a long conversation with her. I started a box each month and as I shopped picked up little things for her. I often sent her multiples of things so she could share with her friends. She’s home now and is still basically the same kid - she’s just on the phone with a lot of people I don’t know! You will always be the voice inside their heads and have a special connection. It just changes over the years, but not necessarily for the worse. Good luck!</p>