My H and I put ourselves through both college and law school, where we met. We both worked, had student loans and I had scholarships to law school, while H went at night to spread out the payments. We finished up with a combined total of $50K in loans (in 1970’s - 198’s dollars), which we eventually paid off. Unfortunately, that debt load didn’t really allow for a lot of college savings, particularly when you have 5 children.
For years, my mantra was that my kids were going to do the same as H and I. However, it became clear 10 years or so ago, when my oldest were getting ready to graduate HS, that it was not really possible to do that any longer. H and I then decided that we would cover a SUNY tuition for each child. If they wanted to attend a different school, they had to figure out how to fund the difference. I didn’t know about chasing merit at that time, but frankly, the type of schools at which my D would have achieved full merit were probably not as good as the SUNY she attended. The same thing with S17. He did get some merit money, but it wasn’t enough to beat a SUNY tuition. I live in an ultra-rich area (we have the starter home) and many kids go to private colleges as full pay. Knowing I was up against that, I told my kids from childhood that that was not happening for them, unless it was a SUNY.