What would this essay probably get (out of 12)?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>If I wrote this essay on the SAT, what do you think my essay would receive by two graders?</p>

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<p>The prompt is:
"Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today?"</p>

<p>My essay:
Today’s work industries come up with the most creative ideas the world has seen in order to keep things new and exciting. Apple Technologies, the Walt Disney Company, and James Cameron provide prime examples of modern originality.</p>

<p>Steve Jobs’ trend-setting designs in the world of technology provide examples of originality and creativity. Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple Technologies, has helped to create some of the most original and unique design concepts the world has seen. Because his designs tend to be so sleek, simple, and modern, they have taken the world by storm. Apple’s products show that originality and creativity are plentiful in today’s world of business.</p>

<p>In addition, the Walt Disney Company has exemplified creativity through the 11 theme parks that they run today. One of Disney’s major philosophies is that to keep visitor levels high in their theme parks, new and unique attractions need to be added. The Walt Disney Company’s new nighttime spectacular of fountains of vivid colors dancing in unison, World of Color, has recently debuted at Disney California Adventure. Since it’s debut, park attendance has increased by about 20%. This attraction uses technology that has never been seen used together; its creativity allows it to be so successful.</p>

<p>Another demonstration of modern creativity are the movie plots that the movie industry is coming out with. James Cameron’s Academy Award winning movie, Avatar, shows the originality that can be found in today’s theaters. When asked how he thought of the idea for Avatar, Cameron simply replied that “[he] just thought about it.” The originality found in the idea of Avatar exemplifies much creativity.</p>

<p>Is creativity lacking in today’s society? The answer is simply that creativity is actually quite plentiful. People such as Steve Jobs and James Cameron, along with companies such as the Walt Disney Company, demonstrate that creativity is, indeed, still alive.</p>

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<p>Suggestions on how I can improve my essay writing are also appreciated. Last time I took the SAT, I received an 8/12.</p>

<p>I would be glad to grade your practice essays as well.</p>

2

<ul>
<li>Kind of missing a thesis (or it’s a weak one). I would personally recommend a 3 sentence intro; 2 just seems too short.</li>
<li>Redundant with the Steve Jobs starting the first two sentences.</li>
<li>Definitely elaborate more on the kinds of products he’s created. You generically speak about designs, but it’s not detailed enough (not a strong supporting paragraph)</li>
<li>3rd paragraph is adequate, though I don’t see a direct connection with the essay prompt (The park attendance statistic is out of place and unnecessary)</li>
<li>“is coming out with” sounds kind of lame - think of a better phrase to put here</li>
<li>Also it’s a very weak paragraph; it does not detail anything about how creativity is evident today. There is literally one sentence in the paragraph that somewhat details it, but it’s not nearly strong enough.</li>
<li><p>Elaborate a bit more on the things you mentioned beforehand in the paragraphs in the conclusion.</p></li>
<li><p>Overall, your essay is definitely lacking in details and supporting sentences. As a result, the length isn’t so great either.</p></li>
<li><p>I would give this essay a 3/6. With more detailed sentences a 5 is easily reachable. Sorry for the critical review, and by no means am I a qualified grader or an expert essay writer. These are just based off personal experience with what teachers have marked on my essays, and how I’d improve it.</p></li>
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