Honesty is the best - either you or your husband (whoever he’d be more upfront with) should say, “this is third hand but we heard through the grapevine you might be having second thoughts about UA.” Don’t reveal the source. See what he says - if it seems like he is teetering, remind him it’s not May 1st yet - let him mull it over. If he looks at you like you’re nuts, that’s gossip for you. And as others have pointed out, it’s normal to have second thoughts … doesn’t necessarily mean you want to change your mind. He may very well be having second thoughts well into first semester (lots of kids do). It gets better by end of second semester. Good luck.
Let me check what I just read here…
You heard from your friend, who heard from her mechanic, who heard from his son, who happens to be your son’s best friend… that your son doesn’t want to go to UA?
There could be so many ways that got misheard, misunderstood or misinterpreted along the way that if it were me, I’d question the veracity.
Sure- it’s always worth always touching base with your kid to make sure things are going along as expected, or to address concerns as they come up. But I guess I see this as maybe just a step or two above pure hear-say. I wouldn’t worry about anything until there’s something to worry about.
You know your kid better than we do but you still might not have an accurate reading. I didn’t turn 18 until the very end of my first semester and was very immature. I was also very shy and introverted. I also went way out of state where I didn’t know a single person. Vegas probably would have given you serious odds on me struggling. I bet my parents had the same worries that you do because of the similarities. Instead, I actually thrived.
I second the people who say to gently ask him.
I am just wondering on this third hand rumor if it’s possible that maybe your son told his friend that to just make him feel better about his college choice?
Like… "aw man I wish I was going to college xyz with you but I can’t because my parents want me to go to UA…
I always thought “young for his age” was a nice way of saying “immature” in some way–like a 17yo who is more like a 15yo socially/emotionally or even physically. I have 3 boys who are all like that.
My oldest was also young for his grade. His parting words when he went (flew, alone) off to college were, “I don’t wanna go to college. . .” He was afraid he was “immature” compared to the other freshman. After a couple months he told me that he’d noticed that all the other freshman guys were “even more immature” than he was. (S graduated from college in '10)
I would not bring up something that you heard through friend’s dad’s conversation with your friend. Maybe your son expressed his unease about college/going far away to his friend. That’s normal. If it were that bad and he really wanted to change his decision, I think he’d tell you. I’m guessing it is just the usual nerves/cold feet. Don’t panic.
I’d bring it up casually and ask if he’s still happy about going to UA. I’d also make it clear that Temple is still on the table if he prefers having his uncle nearby and occasional visits on the weekend. Personally, I think having a closer proximity to family/home is a nice transition into college. In my opinion, those occasional weekend visits ease a younger acting kid into freshman year less stressfully. I know with my oldest, she was fortunate to have her aunt within an hour to visit, on a weekend once in awhile. It was just enough support to help her transition.
Has the OP come back after speaking to her son?
I hope that his is just 5th hand info. And, as someone has suggested, it could be something as simple as: “yeah, I wish I were going to X with you, but I have to go to Y because …” Or someone in the line of communication may have just put his/her spin on what was said.
I don’t know why everyone is saying to casually bring it up. ASK him. This week he still has options at Temple or to ask for a gap year. It’s a big decision, very common to have second thoughts, to be scared, to want to crawl back into bed and not think about it. But it has to be talked about. Ask him.
Laugh and do nothing.
Certainly ask him. It is normal to have more conversation before any deposit get sent in.
“You sure?” just before he hits the submit button to SIR.
In my case, I suggested being casual just in case he is choosing that school to please the parents. If you ask a kid directly in that case, he might say what he thinks you want to hear rather thanjust let his thoughts out with no filter.
Just a matter of style I guess. OP will know what approach works best with her kid.
I was young for my age at 17. Kids mature at different rates. If my son and his friends are any indication, some boys are younger for their age at 17 than many girls.
I think I’d be direct. Your son should know people are talking about him and, if he makes a habit of spreading his personal business, people will be happy to talk about him in the future. I’d tell him you heard that he has concerns about the school and ask for his thoughts. If he is worried about going away, see if the school will let him defer for a year.
You can be young for your age or young for your grade or both.
I agree with others. Just ask. You can mention the rumor or not - whatever seems more comfortable with you. I’d probably bring it up. I’d say something like “I heard third hand that you weren’t sure you actually wanted to attend UA. Was that just a passing feeling or are you still unsure, because you have some other options.” (Though realistically probably just for the next week!) Gap years or a different university where he’s been accepted should both still be on the table even if he’s already given his regrets to Temple or other closer places.
I turned 18 during freshman orientation, but I was definitely old for my age having already taken a gap year, and spent my senior year in boarding school with parents who lived overseas so I did a lot of solo travel. Most kids do rise to the occasion, but of course not all do. You know your kid best.
I get what you mean, young for his age. My son was the same way, and I noticed at a very early age. He was a late summer baby. I had him to two years of pre-k. So he didnt start kindergarten until he was 6. Honestly, socially, he was still a bit behind, but I couldnt imagine, if he were going to college at 17. He attends a school about an hour and it is a great fit for him. He is actually graduating next month!
??
Has the OP come back after talking to her son??? I
There are some pretty valuable scholarships at play here with regard to both Bama and Temple that disappear if he doesn’t accept them as a freshman. He really needs to go with the option he feels gives him the greatest shot at success, even if he decides to take a gap year. (Unless he wants to reapply to both schools and others next year.)
In my opinion he has two excellent, affordable options. The two schools are quite different, however. so he should have some sense of which feels like a better fit for him, irrespective even of the distance from home. In the end, it’s not that hard to get back to PA from AL if you purchase plane tix in advance. The $2500 engineering stipend should more than cover that. But if he realizes he’d prefer a more urban experience, then Temple is clearly a better fit. The being closer to home is just icing on the cake in that regard.
Well, update on the situation. I actually spent time looking at Temple programs and dorms, etc. just in case.
Then, I pulled him out of school early so we could sit down without the distractions of his sibs, father, or the normal family chaos.
I told him what I had heard, and who mentioned it. I let him know he still had time to change his mind and if he wanted to go to the local Penn State campus, he could do that as well. Or he could wait. He needed to be comfortable with his choice.
He said he never said he didn’t want to go to UA. He and his friends don’t actually talk about their college plans all that much. Boys! He did say he mentioned it was cool that Pete & Jim were going to the same school, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to go to UA. UA is a much better school then where his friends are going.
So maybe they read more into what he said then he meant. He is “definitely” going to UA.
And I am very, very relieved.
Phew! GOOD to hear!! 
Roll Tide! 