What would you do if your D calls you saying she doesn’t like where she is?

Parents Forum
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<p>Cressmom: Alumom brings up a really valid point, our kids may think it is the first two weeks or nothing on making connections, but that is not the reality. My D had a borderline hostile roommate situation as the other two girls in the triple were friends prior to being in that room & they would actually go out into the hall to talk privately. D is not overly sensitive, but was amazed they did not want to get to know her. They were not actively mean, but they basically ignored her & D has friends everywhere she goes so it was a whole new thing for her- in addition, she did not make great connections with girls on her sports team- so with sports 6 days a week and neither the team nor the roommates offering new BFF potential, she had to go elsewhere. D, a sport athlete big on the natural look & jeans & hoodies, rushed a sorrity in the spring- her HS & grade school friends totally made fun of her on facebook, as that did not sound like Ds thing at all, but she found a really nice group of lovely girls and has made some sweet friends. Her next year, with a roommate who was interested in being friendly made a world of difference.</p>

<p>Encourage your D not to give up and to be not overwhelmed, but to keep looking for her people, that will make life go from bareable to fun.</p>

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<p>Cressmom</p>

<p>Bad luck to have both children processing the same traumatic event.</p>

<p>Bad luck that your D missed Orientation activities.</p>

<p>Bad luck that she doesn't like her dorm or roomie.</p>

<p>I know you are disgusted with WUSTL, but your son has lived there for a few years and loves it. Think of him as the authority in the family. Try to let go of your own disappointment so that you can counsel your D with love and firmness.</p>

<p>What advice to give her?</p>

<p>Chin up. The bad luck is in the past and you have nothing but opportunities in front of you if you look for them.</p>

<p>Go to the housing department and request a roommie/dorm change for spring semester. There will be heaps of spots opening up.</p>

<p>Stop eating alone. Rearrange your schedule so that you can eat at busy times. Ask friends when and where they are eating and make a point of joining them.</p>

<p>Join the choir</p>

<p>Join a club sport--or take up a new sport.</p>

<p>And finally--something I tell my sons when they are obsessing about the misery of their own navels. Look outward. Find someone much less fortunate than your blessed self and do something nice for them. That ought to cure any self-pity in a hurry.</p>

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<p>I’m sorry to vent out my concern; I should look for help in private since most of you are very nice.</p>

<p>Cathymee, they said I’m sorry (we received the letter yesterday); I just expected that no more.
My own insurance is taking care of almost everything, except the ambulance that the Wash U insurance should pay but since my S was alone they didn’t get the right information, now they received it and they are processing it (they would cover 80% and 50% from the emergency surgeries)</p>

<p>My D isn’t afraid to ride the MetroLink by herself, she did it several times, and even she went to the movies alone, that is not a problem with her. She doesn’t mind to walk; she already visited all the museums. She also joined the gym and goes there regularly. She is just having a bad time. My impression is she just needs somebody to talk, and that Trapper is right (I didn’t think of it), when you hear people laughing and chatting or running along the halls and you are living apart from all that, you feel isolated. My D is easygoing, she loves to meet people and she enjoys large groups, but seems she can’t find them yet.</p>

<p>This thread is over for me; I received very good advices that I will keep them with me. As I said many times, my S loves the place, he could graduate next year but he doesn’t want it, he wants to stay longer but he understands my D and he says many kids are in the same situation. He made very good friends although it took a little longer than a month. He is always busy with something. I wish the same for my D, here or anywhere else.</p>

<p>A note for everybody: When my H had to rush to the university, we paid a large amount of money for booking and fly, he send an email to the company saying if would be nice if they have emergency fares (they usually have compassion fares in the case of death), and they reply immediately saying that they were sorry for what happened to our son and they were reimbursing what we paid. They also contact us again to see how our son was doing; I can’t believe a company with millions of customers had this nice gesture.</p>

<p>PS: Westcoastmom love your message!
CGM you are right.
Alumother, congrats to your D!
Somemom, I’m sorry for you D’s triple room, that is a bad situation, my D is fine with her roommate, only that she expected to have a friend not only a roommate.</p>

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<p>Cressmom - Don't feel beat up here. It happens, it's the Internet, but if you look back the large majority of people are very supportive to you. I personally have been so whacked a couple of times I had to crawl into a corner and lick my wounds but I have realized over time that most of the cc community is very nice. So if you feel you have gotten any good nuggets here just use them. Your family went through a dreadful experience, you were very close to your kids, both were far away, it frankly was truly sucky.</p>

<p>I hope everything works out. I somehow think that it will.</p>

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<p>Does anyone else think AlphaOmega's post was a little too personal and provided too much specific detail for this kind of forum? Perhaps this is why Cressmom suggested she should look for help in private.</p>

<p>I realize that many of those on this thread associated with the university in question want to give it a more positive "spin"....but I thought the detail in the post was much too specific.</p>

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<p>Yes, I agree, it did reveal too much. Perhaps we can ask for it to be removed?</p>

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<p>AlphaOmega works for Wash U.</p>

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<p>Wherever Danforth is, I would be concerned that now, this information is all over the building.</p>

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<p>Visited our S for Family Weekend. He is miserable. His dorm is full of drunk lacrosse players who come back from parties at 5 am and throw trash cans down the hall and punch in doors, walls and anything punchable. The couple that lives on the floor does absolutely nothing and neither do the RAs. My son has to go upstairs to another room to sleep. It's really bad so he's talking to his advisor tomorrow. Shouldn't we insist he switch dorms? He says he'll stick it out this year, but doesn't really like anything about the school. We think if he switches dorms it will make a difference but I really don't know at this point.</p>

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<p>Having bad roommates make kids miserable, and universities don't care too much about it.
The OP didn't complain about the roommate, the issue were the activities.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
Shouldn't we insist he switch dorms? He says he'll stick it out this year, but doesn't really like anything about the school. We think if he switches dorms it will make a difference but I really don't know at this point.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Absolutely switch dorms if he possibly can. Our eldest S was put into a drunken, jocky dorm with tons of drinking, because he didn't answer his housing form until the deadline date. Live and learn, he now returns every college form ASAP and taught his younger sister and brother to do the same.</p>

<p>In his case, he kept his ears open and learned of an opportunity in a French/Spansih language theme house, second semester of freshman year. Instead of wretching roommates who fell upon his musical instrument, he was put in with a wonderful sophomore from the Dominican Republic. Language houses sometimes get openings because so many students take Jr. Year Abroad. It worked out FINE to live with a sophomore. </p>

<p>He handled it all himelf, but the college worked with anyone who wanted to switch as soon as the student could identify a place to move to. College was eager to de-triple doubles that year, and his was one. He did not have to speak anything negative about his roommates therefore. </p>

<p>Not only was he much happier, but since he lived in an upperclass dorm, he had some kind of angle on it so that in sophomore year he got a nice single there. </p>

<p>He first heard about the opportunity in his French language class. It was SO much better. Although he never ever talked of transferring schools, this change of housing mid-Freshman year made him quite happy, and it all went great after that for 4 years.</p>

<p>Don't HESitate to switch if they'll let him! Nothing to lose, everything to gain.</p>

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<p>Cressmom, if you come back, which airline was so kind?? Or did i misunderstand, was it your husband's company? If so, don't answer.</p>

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<p>imajerseygirl: Just want to clarify. You're talking about Roanoke College, not WashU, right? The Parents Weekend for WashU hasn't happened yet.</p>

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<p>jazzymom, yes, it was Roanoke College.
paying3tuitions, thanks for the great advice. My S is talking to his advisor today, but he doesn't want to request a dorm change, he wants to see what she suggests. I told him that I'm going to insist on a dorm change but I don't know if I can force him to move.</p>