<p>There is working, then there is working for mom. I can always fill up a schedule for any child that says “I’m bored”; “I don’t have anything to do” around me. In this case, this “kid” would be put on a schedule, and given assignments in the house. Cleaning, painting, sanding/refinishing, building, and organizing. If I ran out of things for him to do, I would lend him out to various community groups for free. Shoot, I might just go straight to lending the kid out…might make some contacts that would lead to a real job then. Bottom line, no sitting around my house. You work for your food. Even if that is volunteer work.
I sound like a hard a$$, and I am not. But honestly, the only way to motivate someone that is in a slump is to get them moving. If he is truely depressed, he needs help, but also to be moving and productive is really good for that. If he is just an entitled brat, then someone needs to make him pull his own weight. He will either hate it and be more motivated to find a real job, or you will get the benefit of having a slave in the home.</p>
<p>vlines – </p>
<p>“In this case, this “kid” would be put on a schedule, and given assignments in the house. Cleaning, painting, sanding/refinishing, building, and organizing.”</p>
<p>You should hear the way he talks to his mother. He won’t lift a finger to do anything around the house. She asks him to take the trash out and he flat out refuses. She has always spoiled and pampered him because he is her “golden boy.” His sister (who did not go to college and still lives at home) has to work two jobs (retail and restaurant).</p>
<p>momofthreeboys – </p>
<p>“Sad, but unfortunately “success” is the kid not the college. Perhaps someday this student will wakeup and realize it’s on him to make something of his life…you could substitute any name college in the original post really. It takes more than smarts. Was it the parents, was it the kid thinking he would get handed stuff on a silver platter because of x, y, z…who knows.”</p>
<p>I truly think he believed that getting a degree from MIT was going to ensure instant success and wealth. He will eventually realize that he has to start from the bottom and work his way up . . . or go back to school and get a graduate degree.</p>
<p>mathmom –</p>
<p>“I think MIT can be an intimidating place, especially if you don’t really fit into the culture.”</p>
<p>On numerous occasions, he told family members how smart all the other kids were at MIT. He is to be commended for sticking it out and getting his degree. MIT provides plenty of services to assist URMs.</p>
<p>I kind of got that impression from the previous posts. But since the question was “what would you do”, I figured you wanted to know what I would do. But my son would not ever speak to me inappropriately, at least not get away with it! And he is already more productive than this kid is right now. </p>
<p>So, what to do if I were this mom? She needs to either stand up to him and be the head of the house and lay down the law, or deal with having a child in the house for the rest of her/his life. </p>
<p>I can also tell you that if I were the sister, I would not put up with it. I would express discontent loudly, if that did not work, I would be gone.</p>
<p>This MIT educated entitlement-mentality slacker could learn a lot from his non-college educated hard working sister and mother.</p>
<p>I think in this case, the adcom didn’t do a very good job. What a wasted spot.</p>
<p>This economy is throwing a lot of college grads into a world that is not ready for them. There still exists the belief that if you are an excellent student, go to a good college, and earn good enough grades that the world will open to you when you graduate. Many cities are seriously lacking in terms of opportunities for young college grads. In southern California, my son’s peer group had a going away party for their friends who needed to return home to live with family members because they could not land any job that paid a living wage. Every month a different friend would leave. It started with the graduating class of 2009 and after several months, even the friends who already had jobs began to be let go since they were the last ones hired. He said he backed up into 2008, 2007 and 2006 grads. The entire peer group has not relocated to areas of the country that are more job friendly. Note: Many of these grads were graduating with honors and were willing to work hard. I say that volunteerism is a good place to start. Doing whatever needs to be done with a good attitude. Someone this cohort of young people need to stay optimistic and support each other. I think people over 50 do not really understand what it is like to exit college and face the reality of this job market. It is easy to blame the family and the young person but at this point it is a bigger issue.</p>
<p>Excuse me?<br>
I am one of those people, and I graduated in 1982 during one of the worst economy.
Unemployment Rate:
1982-06-01 9.6
1982-07-01 9.8
1982-08-01 9.8
1982-09-01 10.1
1982-10-01 10.4
…
2011-05-01 9.1
2011-06-01 9.2
2011-07-01 9.1</p>
<p>Yes, I do understand what it means to graduate without a job, have to move home, and have to accept any job that is available. I also do remember having $30/week for 2 people to live on after paying off all bills. But H and I were on our own, and didn’t live off my parents, even though they offered for us to live with them.</p>
<p>It’s worth remembering that a full quarter of MIT graduates graduate in the bottom 25% of their class. </p>
<p>It’s only September. There aren’t a lot of jobs out there. Really. I’ve been hearing about 26-year-olds with prestige degrees, hired for 304 years being thrown out of work, and they can’t find anything! (even Burger King.) The unemployment for new college grads is something like 40%, and that includes all those who have lots of work experience (remember: the average undergrad in the U.S. is 24.8 years old). And many of the rest are underemployed. </p>
<p>I’d be more worried about the depression (IF he is really depressed) than the living at home part. They may have no health insurance. As far as I’m concerned, my kids can move back home any time they like (fat chance of that). (And there are an awful lot of depressed unemployed folks these days.)</p>
<p>And he still may make a boatload of money. He just may need a chance to develop his sea legs. I’ve seen that happen to others (and 40 years ago, I had a roommate just like that. He did - eventually - find a very good job that fit his personality to a tee.)</p>
<p>good post busdriver (#14). </p>
<p>We just don’t know what’s happening behind closed doors and it’s really not fair to judge. My sense is this kid has defenses up when he says he wouldn’t take an entry level job.</p>
<p>I want to just add something here. From who are you hearing this version of reality? I mean do you know first hand (from talking to him) that he’s not held a job, done ECs or summer work, barely passed, and isn’t willing to take any job nor is looking for one now and wants his mom to buy him a car? </p>
<p>What you see in terms of conflict might be something way deeper. He’s stressed and anxious. She’s constantly on his case (understandably too). But the point is people living together under stressful conditions are going to be jerks to each other, and maybe moreso when there is an audience. That doesn’t make him a spoiled good for nothing necessarily. He might be, but can you really know? </p>
<p>The reason I ask is you mention the mom plays the victim. How do you know she’s not playing it again? He might be just one of MANY top school graduates who has fallen victim himself to the terrible job market. He may have barely passed or have a low GPA (so can’t consider grad school) but still have worked his butt off! I think we may find it preposterous that someone as smart as an MIT graduate might be sitting at home unemployed and still hasn’t quite come to terms with flipping burgers, but I have a feeling it’s more common than most of us are willing to admit.</p>
<p>Could it be that mom is telling you HER version of the situation when in fact this kid is really struggling and isn’t just some slouch sitting on the couch asking for a car?</p>
<p>The OP and some others sound so frustrated at the kid. As I see it, the only one who is being hurt by his behavior right now is a) himself and b) his mother (who by accounts of the OP, seems to have created this situation). So why does anyone care?</p>
<p>Or is the anger emanating from this?: He’s ‘taken up a spot as an URM’ at MIT, which clearly was because of his URM status because he obviously had an weak resume, and we all know ‘its so hard to get into’ and now he’s ‘wasting it’. So how dare he?</p>
<p>Methinks if a graduate got into a top college because of all the huge advantages of growing up in a high income environment (right highschool, right tutors, SAT coaching, legacy and the like) but a) decided become a stay at home parent, or b) picked a career that is entirely unrelated to his education, or c) was unemployed now and unmotivated to find a job…no one would be outraged that ‘he took a spot’ or that the educational opportunity ‘was wasted’. Just sayin’</p>
<p>What is his peer group or extended family at home like? Is he the first college grad or the first grad of a college like MIT? If yes, he may be reluctant to look for “regular” jobs – including any number of entry level retail or office jobs – because he may be thinking ‘how is it going to look if I’m working retail at the same store where my HS friends without degrees are working, after I made such a big deal about MIT.’</p>
<p>I agree with those of you that posted that it all starts and ends at home. OK maybe he didnt have the parents/peers with the experience to guide him in the right direction? </p>
<p>In our case my son has decided to study Enironmental Engineering he knows that if he decides not to study engineering. Then his other options are either to study Environmental Sciences and get his masters or a degree in Law. His passion is the Environment so he knows this is where he wants to make his living and form his life. But my wife and I have told him that whatever he decides to do it must be a marketable degree.</p>
<p>While this young mans cases seems to be at a deadend? All is not lost. I assume he has his health and obviously is capable of doing some academic work. He is young and does have his degree. He just needs to be motivated to get up and out and to make something out of himself.</p>
<p>I dont care how bad his grades where. IF?? he did graduate from MIT he must have some marketable qualities.</p>
<p>Then he can join the ranks of the unemployed environmental laws with $150k in law school debt? (No, I’m not joking, or being sarcastic.)</p>
<p>Why do folks assume there are all those entry level or retail jobs out there?</p>
<p>The crack that the adcom chose wrong IMHO is off the mark. </p>
<p>If he’s able to graduate from MIT as a bio major, he’s proven some bona fide merit to those adcoms as he’s demonstrated he’s fulfilled their academic requirements. </p>
<p>Moreover, I agree with some of the commenters that we’re possibly getting a very one-sided and incomplete account. It has a whiff of a theme very familiar to me as it’s the type of story one aunt who disdains those who values intellectualism and higher education beyond socializing relishes telling anyone unfortunate enough to be corralled into one of her dinner parties. </p>
<p>Whether it is “Look at how this once mighty Fullbright scholar from National Taiwan U/Yale is bankrupt”, “Harvard Phd Prof with no common sense in being handy around a house”, or “…that guy’s been unemployed for 2-3 years after the dotcom crash…doesn’t seem so damned smart with that Stanford graduate engineering degree”…there’s a strong theme of disdaining and crapping on those who have college/university educations from elite institutions. </p>
<p>I do wonder whether some element of that is at play, especially considering this does seem to be a favorite pastime with a subset of Americans who disdain those who value elite university educations and/or learning for anything beyond narrowly defined social advancement/vocational purposes.</p>
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<p>Someone who decided to become a stay at home parent is still been productive, giving back to the next generation, and maybe helping his/her spouse to move ahead in his/her career.</p>
<p>As far as going into a career that’s not related to one’s education, who is to say that. Someone who got a CS degree from MIT, may not be working in technology, but problem solving ability may indeed be directly related to the education from MIT.</p>
<p>Someone who could get into MIT, must have some intelligence. The fact he is sitting at home doing nothing, not even doing something to just give back is indeed taking a spot from someone else, especially an URM spot.</p>
<p>
Why is that? How many spots are there? It takes a village to raise a child. If he isn’t doing it for himself, he owes it to the people who gave him a great opportunity to be educated by the best of the best to make something of himself, to help people like him to have the same opportunity someday.</p>
<p>mini I disagree with you. Today in America the Environment is a major concern. Most major corporations have environmental complaince departments and either have a lawyer heading up the department or hire an Environmental Law firm. Not to mention the fact that Law firms are hiring lawyers with a degree in Environmental sciences combined with a law degree.</p>
<p>sure the economy has hit all segments. But when you compare Environmental law to litigation, estate planning, real estate, corporate and others Environmental Law shows the most potential.</p>
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<p>I don’t disagree with you in that there are MANY ways one can use their degree/give back or whatever…whether stay at home, doing a job that requires no degree, etc and I don’t think any education spot is ‘wasted’ nor do I think we can ever say an adcom made a mistake!</p>
<p>I am personally not judging those choices at all! But others are making such a judgment. My point is, the reality is, is we would be hard pressed to say that anyone has ‘wasted a spot’ at any university, or ‘someone made a mistake’ about admissions if someone graduates. So supposed you got an expensive engineering degree (that costs far more than your tuition)…and you decided not to use it…one might say its wasted. Or you went to college on a merit scholarship but decided to work at your dad’s business. One might say the scholarship committee screwed up. Or the kid that graduated from Ivy College and is working in retail or spent eight months unemployed holding out for a career related position. We could go on and on here if we want to but where do we then draw the line? </p>
<p>I believe that what one chooses to do or not do with a degree really isn’t our business to judge and nor can we possibly judge accurately whether it was a wasted spot or wasted merit money or an adcom screwed up. It’s the person (and the person supporting them) that might care but why do we?</p>
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<p>Because I hold what may be a somewhat old-fashioned view that he’s proven his worthiness by graduating from MIT with a degree…even with a low average rather than dropping out or being academically expelled altogether. That is demonstrated bona fide accomplishment in itself. </p>
<p>Secondly, the account being given by the OP sounds one-sided, incomplete, and a bit off. </p>
<p>It fits too closely with the commonplace themes I’ve seen used by that aunt and a subset of Americans to disparage those who value higher education or were educated in elite institutions for a mix of anti-intellectual reasons and a feeling they must put down those with elite educations to puff themselves up. </p>
<p>Heck, one US political movement has made it one of their defining campaign themes.</p>
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<p>Tell that to two recent law school grad friends who demonstrated strong interest in environmental law through journals/internships, top 5-15% of their law school class at a T-5 or T-30 school, and yet are gainfully unemployed with $180K+ in law school loan debt because the jobs aren’t really there.</p>