What would you have done differently?

<p>I regret not having regrets. Just kidding. I suppose I do, but I have also been around long enough to know it's easy to think what one should have done in the past, or how one could have taken better advantage of opportunities, etc. Who was it that said youth was wasted on the young? (the quote is better than that, but that's the jist). I also realize you can't preach on that subject with any effectiveness. </p>

<p>On a related note, a couple of my contemporaries (mid-agers) have recently said things like "I wish my parents had ..." or "I blame my parents for not ...." usually providing something for them as kids or pushing them further. I have no tolerance for statements of that kind. If you felt you didn't get 'x', then go out and get it for yourself. Life is complicated, people usually do the best they can do, it's often not enough or underappreciated, hope that you learn from your own experiences but rest assured there will be enough 'life' left for your kids to make their own mistakes and learn. Learning is a process, so how can we regret the things that brought us to where we are today?</p>

<p>I think it is good to recognize that it isn't all my fault that it has been so difficult for me, and that there are things I can do to give my kids a different place to start from.
I think if we don't examine what got us here, itis too easy to repeat it.
What is it they say about history repeating itself?</p>

<p>I think its one thing for adults to wish that their parents had pushed them into a more competitive college or given them lessons, but it is something else to recognize when parents were neglectful/abusive and seperate who they are now from who their parents were. My parents frankly should have never gotten married ( when someone threatens suicide unless you marry them, that should be a red flag you'd think?)and should have never had kids. It doesn't take away from who I am to recognize that. I am sure my kids feel the same way, and I doubt they will even have children. I don't blame them.</p>

<p>Dont get me wrong Im not bitter but the way I was raised affects my relationship with my mother ( father died 30 years ago) and she has a very minimum relationship with the girls. Since they don't have a relationship with their other grandparents either, this really cuts down on the extended family support ( I guess I should put away the violins now!)</p>

<p>I am thinking about going back to school BTW but I am worried about the amount of brain cells I have left!</p>

<p>I should have stayed on campus and had fun instead of running off to home/work. In 7 yrs at USC attended only 4 games (all football) as a student-UCLA,Stanford, 2 Rose bowls. I was a commuter living on campus.</p>

<p>Great question. Do more drugs?</p>

<p>I have difficulty remembering the person I was then, and I have a sense that I don't like him very much. He was even more arrogant and pompous than I am now! I don't really know what I would do to change HIS education.</p>

<p>As I am today....well, I wouldn't go to the same place I chose then. While I did extremely well, and was rewarded for the effort, and got a great education, it wasn't really a great fit for me. I'd go to some place like Earlham (or some place warmer!), spend time abroad, put much heavier emphasis on learning languages (I was never particularly good at them, but I still think that, with help, I could have gotten much further along). I would have done more music. I would have paid more attention to friendships (not wholly my fault - my best friend, and roommate, was murdered soon after he moved to Cambridge.) I would try to find an academic advisor who really was an advisor - or at least a decent mentor. </p>

<p>I'll have to mull on this one some more....</p>

<p>emeraldcity - Don't worry about lost brain cells. Just walk on in to cc and we'll be here for you. We can start a "get emerald city thru school" thread. ;) I bet there are qualified tutors here in every conceivable course of study. :cool: Go for it. I am in awe of your drive and what you have done/are doing for your kids without having the support and history of some of us.</p>

<p>Emerald, I second jmmom. You seem like such an intelligent and interesting person - you would do well and enjoy going back to school, I have no doubt.</p>

<p>Good question...I guess I would have put more thought into focusing my on-the-job work experience. The skills that I had didn't provide me with the skills that I needed to get a decent job right out of college, at least here in the SF Bay Area in 1980. I had a lot of work experience and training in other areas, but none in technology and office skills, which was where most of the available, career-type jobs were. Dreams, schmeams...by that time, I had a student loan to pay off, I was married, and we finally had a decent place to live. I needed a JOB, fast! :)</p>

<p>Not very much. Maybe take a bit more in the liberal arts--especially art history, music appreciation, film history. I felt like I had a good balance between academics (Sunday afternoon/evening through Thursday 11pm with no TV), social life, and political activity. Did two trips for the big DC anti-war rallies in the late 60's and two spring breaks in Florida and one in Mexico(all for under $200 each) for no more purpose than a good time. We still talk about the Mexico trip 30 years later and a picture from the trip was featured on my friend's 50th birthday invites.</p>

<p>There was a fascinating article in "Fast Company" a while back titled "are you deciding on purpose". Its very apt for college students because its easy to lose site of the bigger picture when you're busy studying for tests, doing all the reading, and generally in the midst of the storm that is college.</p>

<p>The article is at <a href="http://www.fastcompany.com/online/13/ldrplus.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.fastcompany.com/online/13/ldrplus.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

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<p>hehe ... Ithaca to Florida (for a week) and back in a van that got 10 mpg on $100 each (3 guys) ... the first night we slept on hole #5 of a putt-putt golf course for something like $5 ... eating rule was we could not eat anywhere with a floor. College is the best time!</p>

<p>That article is really good. I just sent it to my college junior son who is agonizing over some decisions which relate to his future career choices.</p>

<p>I had a great undergraduate experience at UCSC in the early 1970s. But like most, I have a few regrets:
1)Not taking full advantage of the music scene in Santa Cruz
2)Not going to Europe during a summer vacation or right after graduation
3)Started smoking tobacco my freshman year; Ultimately quit 8 years later.</p>

<p>Emeraldkity-go for it. My work partner is going back for her BA and she is doing so well. In fact I think she is getting smarter.</p>

<p>barrons - it looks like you may have been in school when I was (BA 1970) and I have often wondered where I was when the "spring break" train went by. I don't remember anything like that in my time, so wasn't sure it even existed back in the day. But from your post, I see that it did. Was it prevalent? It also sounds like it was a lot different for you than what we see in the "girls gone wild" type publicity of today. Anyone think we should start a "Spring Break - Yea or Nay" thread for those of about to, or already, facing that qx from our S/Ds?</p>

<p>Went to Miami Beach in 1968--drove 24 hours straight and slept 4 to the room. No flashing that I can recall--and I was looking--but we drank some and smoked some and mostly fried in the sun for the entire day. I met someone from my school and we dated for the next year so the first trip was good. There were 1000's of kids in Miami Beach and more up in Ft Lauderdale at that time. Second trip was 2 years later and we stayed in Key West--nicer and much quieter.<br>
Mexico was the last great trip and we pulled some good stunts- Being too cheap for motels on the drive, we just walked into college dorms and slept in the lounges. Took a hot shower in the morning and took off without a word. We camped on the beach in Ensenada and spent the evenings at Hussongs. No one got lucky that trip but my friend did a cliff dive into the famous Blowhole south of Ensenada and scared the crap out of us. I'd say 90% of the trip was male bonding and 10% chasing girls.</p>

<p>
[quote]
we just walked into college dorms and slept in the lounges. Took a hot shower in the morning and took off without a word.

[/quote]
Resourceful, weren't you?;)</p>

<p>I regret just about everything I did between the ages of 15 and 22. BUT. . . everything worked out so well, so I guess there were some things that I just had to learn for myself. As far as college goes 1. I would have gone to an LAC instead of a gigantic university. 2. At the gigantic university I wish I had reached out more – to professors, to other students, to advisors, you name it. It just wasn’t in my personality make up at the time (and the times they were a changing).</p>

<p>The things I did right were to take classes outside my major – like music appreciation, anthropology, astronomy and to choose my majors based on what interested in me with nary a thought to a future career. The career part worked out okay and I still love E.M Forster and Medieval art. Being able to lose myself in literature and art is what’s kept me sane in a high-stress business.</p>

<p>Advice I would give to students is much the same as you hear over and over again – get involved in non-academic activities, experiment outside of your area of expertise, travel to weird and wonderful places.</p>

<p>I would have stopped worrying about my weight, had my housing checked out by a qualified adult (lived in one house right next to the traintracks that was condemed due to termite damage the year after I moved out. The other house had no heat except a gas mantle system in the kitchen. I slept with hats on in a polarguard sleeping bag all through the long winter, and it's lucky the upstairs bathtub didn't just fall right through the floor into the kitchen below.) I should have taken more classes in music, and NONE in medieval history. (It was all about dead white male priests - nothing else. Just all the famous religious folk.) But I was glad about most other things.</p>

<p>OP asks "did you get into your first choice?" back in the day, you didn't have most people applying to 6+ colleges. The UC schools were nowhere near as competitive to get into, and I applied to exactly one college and got in (you were only allowed to apply to one UC campus, not multiple campuses).</p>

<p>regrets? how many do I list!! I grew up in a lower-middle-class area where the HS counted kids going to the local CC as college successes, cal-state was a reach for many, and UC was the big time. I had no idea about the differences between the mega-U and a LAC or smaller private until I started working and met people who's college experience was totally different than mine. So first of all, I would have gone to a college where you weren't just a anonymous face in a lecture hall with 100-500 students.</p>

<p>A few more: should have spend a semester abroad, should have taken 5 years to graduate and taken more classes and had time to reflect/learn as I was going thru That's not so practical these days with the high cost of college; when I started one quarter at UC cost $234, period. The only extras were books and housing (but UC schools were mainly commuter colleges back in the day). Should have gotten to know some profs. Should have explored some career fields with internships. Should have spent at least one summer living near the college instead of returning home. Should have joined a frat since they were a center of campus life at that time.</p>