What's a good way to let your freshman roommate know you're on the spectrum/Aspergers?

Parents Forum
1

Has anyone successfully dealt with this? (Or unsuccessfully - so we know what to try to avoid??)

S may or may not have a roommate in the fall and if he does…we think/are hearing it would be smart for him to let his roommate know ahead of time. Has anyone’s student had a roommate who was on the spectrum(?) or vice versa?

2

The Kids I knew on the spectrum back in the day did not fare well socially at college. Few finished, because of social factors. The only ones I knew who got through commuted.

Yes, I think that if you are on the spectrum, the roommate should be told so that he can mentally prepare for it. If it’s someone who has a deep bias against this, he can work on getting another room. Yes, this happens for all kinds of reason. My son’s friend who is an insulin dependent diabetic had a roommate who couldn’t cope with that and I know of several seizure prone students who had their roommates bail. Your son should just briefly go over some of the autism traits that annoy people if they don’t understand the cause, and focus on the usual aspects of personality after that. Looking people in the eyes, getting stuck on a subject, remarks that come out as callous are some things Ive seen get those on the spectrum in trouble with others. Stimming too, but that and other things might be better to bring up later.

3

Thanks for your feedback. No stimming issues in this instance. S is pretty good at eye contact and is polite, showers every day, keeps a (fairly) neat room. Wants to be social and has a sense of humor, but isn’t great at picking up some social cues and small talk is not a strength!

4

@Acadia2023 your son sounds like mine, and he is now finishing his senior year. The social stuff was a struggle, but he is almost at the finish line, so it can be done.

He told his first year roommate. The roommate was more concerned about the fact that my son was a Christian (roommate was gay), but they got along and roomed together 2 years.

5

Thanks @Massmomm - and congratulations!

6

I would think it would be good to point out that he doesn’t pick up on social cues…so roommate? you can be more direct with me. I don’t mind.

Also you should go over with him how much compromise he should do with a roommate.
Let us say that Roommate wants to have a romantic partner over and asks him to leave.
If he has notice? sure. If it is once in a while? sure.
But all the time ? no.

7

Thanks for the suggestions @bopper - good ideas for things to cover.