If we have choices, why not go with “fit”? People in India, Russia, Japan, and all the other countries you mentioned do not have those choices - therefore “fit” is less of an idea. Going to the “best” school you get into does not make sense. Example: You get into Princeton and Stanford. What is the “better” school? Both schools are likely to offer great financial aid, and probably will match each other’s offers. Fit comes into play in this situation.
“Fair point. But what if you get it wrong. What then?
Do you ditch your choice and look for the next best fit? Or do you then just work on it? Given that there is no guarantee, what happens when the reality doesn’t live up to your expectations. You thought “College A” fit you well, and then you realize, “Holy Smoke” I was wrong! Now what?”
I think it would depend on how poor a fit it was. Sure, you could work to make the best out of it. If you are having a hard time socially, you can take steps to improve your situation. If you decide to major in something that your college doesn’t offer or the department is a disappointment or you feel it isn’t a good fit in terms of rigor, maybe you consider transferring as those things aren’t in your control.
Same goes for marriages and jobs. Some problems are fixable with effort and a change in attitude. Some aren’t necessarily in our control - abusive or serially cheating spouse, psycho boss, etc - and one is better off making a change to find a better “fit”.
“No, it’s hard to build character if you insist on being relentlessly unhappy for four years just because you didn’t get to go to your dream school or your “best fit” school”
I don’t think most folks on CC (although some do) define fit as only one school - the dream school. I think most prudent CC posters build a list of safeties, reaches, and matches that are good fits.
I guess it all depends on your definition of “fit,” which like “success” and “best” is subjective. Maybe fit includes a school one can afford, challenges, etc. It doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive and no need to martyr ourselves at every opportunity. When I have the option of choice, I prefer to exercise it based on my needs, wants or both. It hasn’t affected my ability to accept the things I cannot change. There’s a balance at play.
I have so many issues with the OP, I’ll just take a few of them in chronological order.
You make a good point about college fit being similar to marriage fit, indicating that you think in both cases “you make it work.” Are you a believer in arranged marriage? If not, how should fit for a life together play a role? Is it wrong for someone to try to choose a spouse that will be compatible? You may think so, but others disagree and have every right to make their own decisions without constraints from your ideas of morality or values.
Many people go to Universities for many different reasons. Do you really think you’re in a position to deem any that don’t agree with your notions illegitimate? How about going to get a job? How about going to prepare for grad school? How about going for whatever a student and the person paying tuition deem appropriate? Who says University life is supposed to be tough (besides you)? Should everything in life have to fit to a one-size fits all concept? Tough schooling surely works well for some kids. Are you really positive that another approach might not actually be better for others? If so, shouldn’t those others be free to pursue them?
There’s a big difference between considering fit important and an “obsession.” You are making a straw man argument throughout this thread with terms like that.
That works well for some, not as well for others. The comment seems very small-minded and doesn’t appear to show the ability to empathize with people with different emotional make-ups.
Correct for some students. Completely incorrect for others.
right but if your reaches, matches, and safeties are all good fits then why would you be unhappy to attend any one of them? in that case a student’s unhappiness would be rooted in some other cause unrelated to the school itself, or by some unforeseen aspect of the school that could not figured out thru the school’s website + a campus visit.
@Wien2NC I’d argue that a “prudent person” would be happy to attend all (even if they still might have a pecking order) schools on their list if it is well crafted. Those who aren’t were not careful in their selection or are not prudent. However, even doing your homework, life can through you a curveball. Perhaps, your academic interests change and you decide that engineering major isn’t what you really want for example. Most things can be dealt with for anyone with some modicum of flexibility. However, even then, if someone is able to and wants to transfer, why not? It’s a huge investment and for that investment one should be able to exercise the options available to them.
One thing that does come up on these forums is the phenomenon that the student or parents have a definition of “fit” that is prestige or exclusivity based. I.e. they will be unhappy about any school that could possibly be an admission safety because the student will have to be with “lesser” students. Such students or parents may be quit unhappy in the usual case of not getting into any reach schools, since those are the desirable ones by their definition.
From my viewpoint, a college choice with some emphasis on “fit” suggests that the student is thinking about his/her real needs and preferences rather than relying totally on “prestige” rankings by popular news magazines to make decisions about their own lives. That’s a good thing, IMO.
I’d argue that this example (#28) is an example of someone not behaving in a prudent fashion by equating USNews or some other ranking as an overriding indicator of academic quality.
i’m wondering if this is really a fruitless discussion. if you have enough $$$ to afford many different schools, you’re not going to pick a name out of a hat and go there. naturally you are going to pick a place that checks off as many marks on your “fit” list as possible.
if you don’t have $$$ but have the stats to get generous merit awards and/or need-based aid packages that make several schools affordable, then you are going to bust out your “fit” checklist to make your decision.
but if the only thing you can afford is CC + local State U, then fit goes out the window. assuming they have your major, you make it work. you have to. this is the reality for millions of students.
that was the reality for my D. fortunately it is a really good path for her major, and she is happy and doing well. fortunately the only option happened to be a good fit. my S will have the GPA/SAT to put multiple options on the table. so although our $$$ situation has not changed, for him we will be able to factor fit into the equation.
^Very wise. Happy for your D.
Use an analogy of cars. Any of them will transport us, but with the thousands of available models, brands, colors, and years, we go for fit. We don’t choose a pickup truck and “make it work” for a family of five. Some things in life we do not choose (personalities of our children, many health problems, getting laid off, etc.) Others we do, and in any every case we make comparisons based on our personal criteria (fit). You choose your spouse, career, house, car, and college.
Bingo. The key here is ** some emphasis** but I feel that here on CC some folks worship at the feet of “Fit” putting it on a pedestal where it trumps pretty much everything else and often it is very fuzzy on what that “fit” really is. It is almost like telling a student. “Go to a good school”. That is how fatuous telling somebody “Fit is important” seems to me. Of course that is just my personal opinion YMMV
Shouldn’t we be telling students * Go where you will be challenged, where you will be stretched, where your opinions will be constantly challenged. Where you will have to work incredibly hard to survive. Where you will meet students who you are unlikely to meet if you don’t go that school etc etc.*
So, if fit is unimportant and your child is unhappy at a school and struggles to thrive, what do you do? Do you say to the child, “Just tough it out! This is what you have to do in the real world!” and then let them struggle through four years? You see, I don’t understand that viewpoint.
Fit is important but I also think people idealize “fit”. The chosen college doesn’t have to be the Perfect Fit. That’s where people tend to go astray. “What if I don’t make The Right Choice??!!” In fact, there are several “right choices” or schools that fit. Most likely, the student will need to compromise on several factors but at least, if the student considers fit, she will know what may not be what she wants/likes. Better to be prepared than to be surprised.
I don’t think I spoiled my child by saying “Let’s look at the following factors…” in researching colleges. In fact, this is an exercise that can teach students how to assess what is and is not important. What one child may think is important (size of school) may be unimportant to another. Also, fit likely includes academics (if my child doesn’t have a 4.0 GPA, Harvard isn’t a fit), cost (any college over $45,000 wasn’t a fit for us), location as well as the feel-good things you seem to think fit means (has D1 sports, in a city, Greek life, etc.)
Last year, D made a list of 7 schools with several of her fit criteria. None had all - for her, there was no such thing as The Perfect Fit or a Dream School. But she had researched these schools, saw their shortcomings and felt each school was suitable despite the shortcomings. When she was accepted to all, we tossed out one immediately because it was too expensive (the shortcoming). Then she considered the rest and made a choice.
Is the school she’s attending perfect? No.
Does she wish it was located on a coast? Yes…
Does she wish it was more diverse? Definitely.
Does she wish it was slightly closer to home? I think she wishes it was easier and cheaper to come home.
Does she wish it was located in a larger town? Maybe.
But does she like the academics and its structure? Absolutely.
Looking at fit simply means (to me) that the student has looked closely at the schools, considered what each school has to offer and what it doesn’t have. Then the student must decide whether or not the school will work. I think it’s better than just attending a school because of a number attached to it or to hear people gasp when they hear the name.
But that’s a personal definition of “fit” in and of itself.
One of the things that I think is undervalued in the college application process is the chance it gives young people to think about what they really value, take an inventory of their own strengths and weaknesses, and define what they want their futures to look like. To me, that’s what “fit” is about.
For my daughter, who prefers a cooperative rather than competitive academic environment, a place “where you will have to work incredibly hard to survive” would definitely not be a good fit. Other kids might thrive in a situation like that. But it’s not for her.
I am not advocating for picking your partner or college at random. But lets continue using the marriage analogy for a little longer. Just as “expecting” to meet the “one true love” with an incredible “compatibility” or “fit” based on some fairy tale version of what marriage should be like is often a recipe for disaster, worshiping at the feet of “Fit” is also asking for trouble when choosing a college. Fit does not trump everything. Fit may not even be the most important criteria. In my opinion, telling a student to make a choice on “fit” is a vacuous suggestion. It really tells them nothing useful and may convey the impression that if a college does not meet some fantasy criteria they may have in their mind then it is very important to reject that college.
“So, if fit is unimportant and your child is unhappy at a school and struggles to thrive, what do you do?”
Steer them to the college’s counseling dept. Because if your child is struggling with depression or a mental health issue that has nothing to do with the college being a bad fit, then it’s not likely to be solved by transferring to a school that seems to be a better fit. in fact, assuming it’s a fit issue and going thru the transfer process will make things worse by creating more stress, diverting your time and resources, and delaying the necessary treatment your child may need.
I’m not sure we all agree on the definition of “fit.” Your posts seem to suggest it means frivolous criteria. One online definition that I agree with: “(of a thing) of a suitable quality, standard, or type to meet the required purpose.”