What's wrong with me?

Parents Forum
1

<p>(NOTE: I made a new account to remain sort of anonymous. Without much effort you can find out who I am. Please don't. And if you do, please don't spread word.)</p>

<p>So, I don't know if this is normal, or if I'm weird (well, I know I'm weird, but in a different way...), but meh.</p>

<p>In March I was fortunate to receive a bunch of offers from some really nice schools. I knew then that I had a difficult choice to make. I got it down to Caltech and Olin College of Engineering, and had a month to decide.</p>

<p>Enter my mind:</p>

<p>Caltech I held as the best math/science school around. Since a little before freshman year, I believed that if I wanted to do anything related to math or science, I should go there if I could. And since I'm a math/science geek, it quickly became my #1 choice. In those years, my choice of potential major was all over the place, from math to chemistry to physics to astrophysics to biochemistry to computer science. But it was all math/science, and I knew I would be happy at Caltech.</p>

<p>Olin was a new school I heard about last February from a place none other then CC. My college counselor also suggested it, so I decided to apply, not knowing much about the school. I place it at about 8th on my list of ten schools, well below Caltech, even below Harvard and Princeton (schools I wasn't really interested in but was applying to because of parents). It placed above my safeties, RPI and HMC, because it was free and nearby. </p>

<p>In the next few months, my mind was focused on applying EA to Caltech and MIT. I had really hoped I would get in so I wouldn't have to file other applications (I would not have applied to Olin had I gotten in early at either place), but alas, I was deferred at both, and resigned to the fact of filing eight more apps. </p>

<p>February rolled along and I got a letter from Olin saying I made Candidates Weekend, a time when 170 potential Oliners come for design builds and interviews. 100 of them will be offered spots, 30 waitlisted. I was excited (although I was kinda annoyed I would have to give up an already planned-for weekend). </p>

<p>I went to CW and was amazed. The students were happy, the engineering great, overall, it was a wonderful place to be. I remember an Olin '10 asked me if I would come if accepted, and I immediately said yes. So Olin had jumped from 8th to 1st in my list that night. By the time I got home however, it "fell" to a tie with Caltech. </p>

<p>So, back to the beginning of the story. A bunch of acceptances, two to chose from, but which one? At first, I immediately chose Olin and told my family and friends. But soon, Caltech came nudging back. My preference was literally a sine wave. Caltech one day, Olin the next. </p>

<p>In the middle of all this debate, I asked some family and friends what they thought. My family, particularly my dad, an EE, really liked the idea of Olin and encouraged me to go there. I had suspected his motives might have been either the closeness or the lack of price. Now I'm pretty sure it wasn't the money, but I can't say I've ruled out the distance factor. I was annoyed he wouldn't let me visit Caltech for prefrosh weekend. I had seen Olin firsthand and wanted to make a good comparison, but he said it wasn't necessary. Meh. Of my friends, the ones who answered said they could see me at Caltech more than at Olin. They thought I was more of a scientist than an engineer. I still wasn't sure.</p>

<p>As the days dwindled down, I kept flip flopping. A week before May, I told my friends and family that I had decided on Olin. However, a few days later, when it came time to write the check and sign the postcard, I started to have regrets. I spent the weekend agonizing about the decision. I remember my parents going to bed April 30th and saying good night as I was still on the internet trying to decide. This way, that way, which way! I had thought about it so much that I was even questioning the guidelines by which I was considering the schools. Did I really want to be an engineer? Was I wiling to leave home for the West Coast? Would I go through college with only 80 students in my class? Was I starting to pick a college based on how far I would be from my GF ? Or based on what my parents wanted me to do? Gah! I was really confused, but by the early morning, had settled on Olin. My parents came to my room in the morning, a bit worried I would chose Caltech, but relieved when I said Olin. I went to school and was happy, wearing my Olin shirt I got at CW.</p>

<p>Soon, however, I began to doubt myself once again. What about that astrophysics major I dreamed about as a little boy? What about hardcore math/science? What about my first choice school for the past four years? What if, what if! I passed these off as buyer's remorse, and decided that at the worst case I would go to Olin for a year, and then transfer to Caltech. I'd gotten in as a prefrosh, of course I could do it again, especially if I applied for class of '12, right?</p>

<p>Meh. Well, something inside me isn't satisfied. At all.</p>

<p>I got an internship this summer at an engineering company. I'm doing some work in IT. I was really excited about it, but now I'm a bit annoyed that I have a job. I have come to almost dread getting up at 6:30 in the morning to get to work. I find my project boring. I dunno. I'm beginning to doubt that I ever wanted to be an engineer. </p>

<p>So, my questions to all you wonderful parents: what is going on in my head? Did I make a wrong choice? Is it possible to have made a wrong choice when the choices are Olin and Caltech? If I do want to switch, is it too late to call Caltech and tell that I made a mistake? What if I try Olin for a year and want to transfer? Anything else I should tell you, or you me?</p>

2

<p>Is it really possible there are parents who don't want to save $200K? Unless you're really rich, this should factor in. You can be whatever you want as a grad of either school.</p>

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<p>Save 200K (actually, much less than that, since you still have to pay room and board), but at what cost?</p>

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<p>confusedperson: Well, if science/engineering doesn't work out for you...you can definitely write. I enjoyed reading your post. Seriously, though...just stay where you are. Don't base whether or not you want to be an engineer off of the job you have now. Of course you're getting the boring stuff now, because the real engineers don't feel like/have time for doing that stuff. I think it will be quite a while before you know if you'll really like being an engineer. It's a starting point.....that's what I told MY son. If, after a reasonable amount of time, it becomes evident to you that you don't want to do it or that you'd prefer something else...SWITCH MAJORS. My daughter did (a couple of times) lol. Hey, not everybody knows exactly what they want to do right off.
I know what you mean about being sorry about having to go to a job, having to wake up early, etc. It's a commitment that you really don't feel like having right now. Yeah, it definitely would be better to have the summer off, but, oh well, you're there. Learn everything you can where you are. Take initiative. Someone important may just notice.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
What if I try Olin for a year and want to transfer?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>That of course would be a possibility. What are your views on it?</p>

<p>To what extent (if at all) is your view of engineering/Olin being colored by your summer experience?</p>

<p>(cross posted with sonssecty)</p>

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<p>You brought up wondering if cost was a factor to your parents. You seem not to be considering it but I wanted to point out that money does matter to the vast majority of families. As a 2 doctor family we are hardly poor but saving $100K on one of our kid's college bills would matter a lot to us.</p>

<p>I thought understanding how it might effect your family might make the angst lessen.</p>

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<p>In a big decision like this, there often is no "right" or "wrong" choice. They are both great schools, and I'm sure you could be happy at either one. You had some good reasons for choosing Olin. Maybe it would be a good time to really give yourself over to Olin. Choose to be excited about it!</p>

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<p>I could have written this post! I have the same kind of angst in the same situations. I really saw myself in the part about hovering over the keyboard late at night, trying to decide what to do. Gah, indeed.</p>

<p>I think that a big part of your angst may be that Caltech is the "logical" choice, because it is better known, more prestigious, was your dream for a long time, etc. You may be thinking that you chose Olin impulsively, based on distance and your parent's prodding, and now fear that you have made the wrong decision. (Btw, not being able to go to the pre-frosh weekend at Caltech was a huge drawback in my view.)</p>

<p>This may be true (or maybe not). But in either case, you have agreed to go to Olin. If it were me, I'd feel happier if I called Caltech and checked to see if I could get my spot back. If so, then you can go back and re-make your decision if you'd like to go the other way. If not, then you are in a different situation and your options have now changed to either 1) going to Olin and making the best of it, which includes finding ways to fall in love with it 2) taking a gap year. </p>

<p>Whether you get the chance to re-make the decision or not, I think it's important to note that you have a lot of dreams attached to the idea of Caltech, and very few attached to Olin. It's hard to let go of the dream of astrophysics and hardcore math/science and your "first choice", if there's nothing to replace them with other than one good weekend. I would spend some time finding really cool things about Olin. Post on the board for Olin students and ask them why they love their school. Surf their website and make a list of awesome things about the place. Check out cool professors, interesting honors programs, fun activities. Make a case for Olin to yourself that meets your own internal standards. Don't just "talk happy" to yourself, but find genuinely amazing things about the place. </p>

<p>I hope this helps. It's a bit of bitter wisdom I've learned from lots of decision-related angst. :)</p>

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<p>sonssecty--the problem with switching majors is that Olin has a very limited number of majors. It's a hardcore engineering school.</p>

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<p>Hello again. Please, don't judge this summer's job with E as a field.</p>

<p>Have you shared your feelings with your parents? I know they felt very strongly that you should attend Olin, both because of the distance and the money. The only real disadvantage to Olin is the small range of majors.</p>

<p>Because you had 2 very good choices, you would always have had doubts.</p>

<p>In addition to all the scenarios you yourself presented, I'd add that you could apply to Caltech for a SURF next summer in astrophysics.</p>

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<p>Returningstudent, I remember a recent post of your well. I think for people who agonize over every decision, the idea is not to go back and revisit them. It's to have confidence that you made the decision you did at the time for sound reasons, believe in yourself and move forward. Otherwise, the self torture never ends. This is not to say that it's not OK to change your mind sometimes. But when you understand that your analysis and angst always produce doubts, you need to deal with it by looking forward, not backward.</p>

<p>I don't believe most kids are any more sure of their college choice than the OP.</p>

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<p>You sound like the typical engineer, and, I should know, I am one. We engineers are so analytical that it's very hard for us to make decisions. I second guess myself all the time (it gets even worse when you are raising children and making decisions that affect them). I think one of the posters said it best - look for reasons to like Olin. Read the Olin message boards, think about the great dorm rooms, the free tuition, how easy it will be to pick up stuff from home that you forgot, the close relationships you will have with your profs, etc. Drop all thoughts of Cal Tech. You will make yourself sick. That's what works for me when I get in one of these remorse situations. And, certainly, don't worry about the long-term future. These things have a way of working out when you start your career. Ungraduate education doesn't cement you into a career. An engineering undergraduate degree from Olin will allow you to go anywhere. You have not ruled out ANY options. If you want a career in astrophysics, you can go get your Phd in astrophysics after Olin.</p>

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<p>Question: if I do decide to transfer, would I have a good shot at getting in considering I was accepted before? Or will they think I'm not interested? Or are transfer admissions vastly different? If I do, I'll most likely be applying as class of '12, not '11.</p>

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<p>Transfer admissions are MUCH different. And it is MUCH, MUCH harder to get in. Instead of a 10% or so rate of acceptance, transfer admissions to elite schools often have a 2 - 3% rate of acceptance.</p>

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<p>I don't know anything about transfers, but I agree with those who say it's time to get excited about your choice. You know it's a great school and you'll get to try out whether engineering is right for you at almost no cost. I'm certain that if you had picked Cal Tech, you'd be having exactly the same doubts, with the addition of a big tuition bill for your parents. Congratulations--you must be an excellent student!</p>

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<p>"Question: if I do decide to transfer, would I have a good shot at getting in considering I was accepted before? "
The answer is probably yes, as long as you keep you grades at the same level that got you in originally.
I will also say that, if you still feel this way when you get to Olin, contact Caltech early and let them know you will be applying to transfer. My son is transfering to a more prestigious, academic U [where is was accepted] from a big U where he received a full scholarship. He did let the admissions office know early that he made a mistake, and I think that helped give him an edge. Another thing, I noticed that the only succesful transfer applicants to this U this year among posters on CC were both students who were accepted last year.</p>

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<p>I will also say that I think you should listen to your gut. My son was also vassillating between 2 U's last year right up the last minute, but chose door # 2 because of the scholarship $$, which did not, in retrospect, make it a good "fit". You are obviously a very bright student, and I think you probably know yourself better than anyone else. So if you want to transfer, with your parents blessing, then try to do so. Just my 2 cents.</p>

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<p>If I call up Caltech, what are the odds they´ll give me a spot?</p>

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<p>CFP, It is definitely worth a try to call. In any case your chance of transfer should be excellent given that you had been admitted previously. </p>

<p>Caltech and Olin are very different schools. While Olin is excellent, there is no place on earth that compares with Caltech in certain areas. If you are seriously interested in science, not the applied or engineering side of it, that is the place to go. Don't let others deter you from able to do what you truly love.</p>

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<p>"If I call up Caltech, what are the odds they´ll give me a spot?" No one knows, but "your chance of transfer should be excellent given that you had been admitted previously" is probably very true. The only way to know is to contact the admissions office. My son contacted the U he is now transferring to when he had a change of heart last year during the summer, but it was too late- they had already filled the class. But he kept in touch all year by email with the admissions officer assigned to him, checking to make sure he was taking the kind of classes they wanted to see on his transcript, reporting his grades, etc.- in general letting them know that there was no doubt that he wanted to transfer there next year. He and one other student, who had also been accepted last year, were the only accepted transfer students that I heard about on the CC transfer forums this May.</p>