What's Your Take?

<p>During the schoolyear for English I wrote a bit of a parody essentially mocking the English language (I'm a Math/Science guy lol, I hate English). Below is the story. Tell me what you think of it :) (It's fairly short)</p>

<p>Semper Field</p>

<p>She stands there in all of her glory; the vivacious figure with an unyielding stare of crimson, with her hair glistening in the sun. The morning dew clings to the fibers of her melodic hair. Every step carries the essence of the mistress of my passion. The curves of a voluptuous stature reminisce of a nightly ponder. Gallant strides across the park follow in a succinct parabola of beauty. The eloquence of her light divine gives the will to live once more. This was the day I met Karina, for I remember it so. The sense of playful banter in the air left the atmosphere mild and tender. For as the day went on, the tensions had risen. But to commence in remembrance, we must travel to that fateful morning, in the fields of wavy amber grains and mild Kentucky blue grass. The sun dispensed of its heavenly rays to light the passionate fire. Youth, and beauty; together in a harmonic unity.</p>

<p>One could say this park had neither the eloquence nor seclusion needed to inspire a palpitation of the heart. Yet, the sense of jubilation coming from the frolicking children and the romanticism protruding from earthly matter was the perfect setting for young love. As the soft, yet temperate breeze gently brushed upon my skin, I glanced off into the distance. Playing in the meadow with a squadron of companions was the girl with a crimson stare. An awe-inspiring sense of tranquility rushed over me, as I watched with admiration. Could it be possible, a pittance of heaven on earth? Dost’ my eyes deceive me, or does the sparkling sun tempt my imagination. Heaven has bounded us alike, on this fateful morning.</p>

<p>I slowly saunter to the fountain nearby, hoping to spy another glimpse. Temptation to meet cannot be overcome by any human emotion at this point. The squadron and I are as a magnet, myself being positive, and the squadron negative. The attraction is interminable, yet a sense of hesitation looms. This hesitation seeks to separate the bonds of human desire. I can not heed this hesitation, as I am a moth drawn to the flame. Neither civility nor decorum need apply, seeing as an act of desperation is imminent. If only Karina would severe her polar ties with the squadron, and come speak by the fountain; it’s not too much to wish for. Yet, it’s hard to imagine that such an act of free will is possible. The time for action is now, take flight dear Frisbee.</p>

<p>What good fortune! He has succeeded in his flight, and has landed amongst the squadron. The time for the polar bonds to be separated has come, as the girl with the crimson stare approaches. She gallantly strides towards the fountain, sparing not one moment. As she gallops across the field, her bouncing hair glistens in the sunlight. The anticipation is evident in her step, for she has a most gallant one. The crimson stare becomes more focused, with a triumphant smile included. She returns Frisbee from his successful flight, and strikes up a conversation. As we talk, we enjoy the cool mists escaping from the wrath of the fountain. This wrath you ask? Tis’ but a mere foreshadow of events to follow. For with every good thing in life, there comes a tragedy.</p>

<p>We spend the rest of the day at Semper Field, relaxing and enjoying the public atmosphere. Discussion of our past and present reveals secrets alike, as we plan ahead towards the future. As we talk, I begin to appreciate her witty personality. For this is the first time in which someone that I have met has come with both beauty and brains. Her charm leads me further down the road of inspiration, as I ponder about the possible future once more. Together, the girl with the crimson stare and I could change the world. We could lead the world to peaceful salvation, and bring hope to those alive. We could do anything that our hearts in pair desire. Together, anything is possible. It is a most glorious day one must exclaim, as I am enjoying our light-hearted spirit. We have not a care in the world, with simply no regard to any plight.</p>

<p>Karina and I are surrounded by the blinding mists of innocence. We know not of great sufferance, and of woeful misfortune. Our lives have been shielded from the afflicted masses, those who have loved and carried on, and we live in blissful ignorance. To experience such a misfortune would most likely alter our final decision here at Semper Field, for it would show us that it is possible to live and regret. However, our young lives have not experienced such a perspective-altering emotion. It is unfortunate that two purposeful lives must go to such waste, for the crimson stare and I could have accomplished so much more. Alas, I must keep my mind off of our grim fate, and continue with the story at hand.</p>

<p>Her charm now enthralls me to the point of no return. I feel as if I’ve finally met the true counter-point to my soul. Karina and I are now spiritually connected. My love for her is unwavering, and I’m certain she feels the same. These moments of great desire we now experience are truly the strings to Cupid’s harp of love. Our chatter is now ceaseless, as we spill our passions and beliefs into the lucent goblet of truth. I cannot possibly reveal anymore of my secrets, as I have poured my heart and soul into our discussions. Lying here in the field is truly a magnificent moment in the history of love, and I feel as if I have run out of things to discuss.</p>

<p>A key element is missing however; one failed to be mentioned in our discussion. There has been not a single mention of her family, to whom she so humbly belongs to. I must ask her, for it is necessary in this day of might. I wonder if she is a Caprinet, a Monolaith, or maybe even a Glithe? These times of worry now rush over me as I prepare myself for great fright. Eghast! Can this be that she is indeed a Caprinet! My dreams and hopes have now crashed before me. Why did fate tempt me so, with such cruel intentions to begin? Now it is not even possible to lead our lives within.
I now must profess to her that my family is indeed Sirlien, and of my inter-woven woes within. Why must our families be of different factions, in this war of moral sin? It will not last, it cannot last, our friendship that has been forged. Our day of romantic indulgence now lies in spoil from the great robber of youth; fate. Do our colors really matter; are not red hearts true in pairs. So then why does our desire to be with each other truly stand with not a chance to begin? Our familial roots are our past, yet our love is now our present.</p>

<p>There looms a sense of mystery in this field, and I feel as if Karina and I are both aware of this presence. Its ancient power seems to grab hold of us and suck us in to another world. Our lives are spinning faster and faster, seeming as if to collide. The power of this field begins to transform us into a single beast, a beast with great desire to pounce at any opportunity, no matter how rash it may seem. Our emotions now begin to run rampant, as we can no longer think clearly. This devilish ensnarement can not possibly be healthy, and must lead to an unfortunate event. I feel as if my life is spiraling out of control, and that the only way to cease the spinning now lies within the spirit of Semper Field.</p>

<p>Our mind is made up, for now we shall depart from this world. The crimson stare and I shall go on the crusade. So we shall take a stance, towards the chance of being sane once more. May the world feel our wrath, as we take off with positively no delay. What’s done has been done and is now irreversible all the same. The volume-displaced fountain is now marked with great disdain, for two fresh souls have joined the depths with Poseidon. Never forget Semper Field one says, for that is where two desperate humans now so humbly lay.</p>

<p>Before I comment, let me just make sure... this is 100% parody, correct? =)</p>

<p>Indeed, lol :)</p>

<p>Haha... nice.I definitely got the point... in fact, you made it so clear that I had to skim instead of endure your extra-showy language =P</p>

<p>Try to make the piece a bit more satirical, though! As you can probably tell from my first post, I wasn't exactly sure if the melodrama and overcomplicated descriptions were allllll parody, or just the way that you wrote. Even with your explanation, I was a bit scared to comment right away (I mean, some people really DO write like that!!!). There are probably some ways that you can make the element of satire more evident in your piece. You can also probably edit your parody... I think that it would be far more effective if it were more concise. It's a (sadly) accurate depiction of some writing "styles," though...! =)</p>

<p>^^ I definitely know someone who tries to write like that, except he's actually serious and thinks he's doing it well.</p>

<p>You know what this reminds me of?</p>

<p><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanda_McKittrick_Ros%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanda_McKittrick_Ros&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Excerpt:
"Have you ever visited that portion of Erin's plot that offers its sympathetic soil for the minute survey and scrutinous examination of those in political power, whose decision has wisely been the means before now of converting the stern and prejudiced, and reaching the hand of slight aid to share its strength in augmenting its agricultural richness?"</p>

<p>Another excerpt:
"She tried hard to keep herself a stranger to her poor old father's slight income by the use of the finest production of steel, whose blunt edge eyed the reely covering with marked greed, and offered its sharp dart to faultless fabrics of flaxen fineness."</p>

<p>^Ohhh WOW. That Amanda McKittrick Ros has an amazing talent.</p>

<p>This looks like good old British Lit to me. Lol, it's kind of a wake up call because I started using all those big words in my writing. I've had many students ask me "You wrote that yourself?!?!?!?"</p>

<p>If you were to improve this, you should make it more verbose. Really. You've used big words that aren't common and complex sentence structure. But somehow it seems concise to me.</p>

<p>The longer you talk and the less that happens, the better.</p>

<p>
[QUOTE]
^Ohhh WOW. That Amanda McKittrick Ros has an amazing talent.

[/QUOTE]
</p>

<p>I really hope this is sarcasm.</p>