A family member recently announced that he and his fiancé will be taking his mom’s last name (she never legally changed her last name when she married) rather than his (and his dad’s). I was surprised but it made me think a bit about the tradition of a wife taking her husband’s last name. Just curious if anyone has had family or friends embrace this idea? How was it received by the family? Will it become more commonplace?
2 Likes
Very interesting read. They seemed not to be attached to their surnames for one reason or another. I applaud them for doing something that fits them, but in all honesty if my sons did that I’d be very hurt and I know my husband even more so. I know that’s sort of irrational, because I changed my name. But it’s how I feel anyway.
I know a couple who married almost 40 years ago and changed BOTH of their last names. I can’t remember the significance of the name they chose, but it’s a lot easier to say & spell than either of their former names.
4 Likes
I know one couple who took the wife’s name but I think they both hyphenated/made his name their middle name.
I also know a couple who made up their own last name and both legally changed to that.
In general I’m seeing much more creativity these days!
2 Likes
My husband and I both hyphenated our names when we got married. I have no brothers, only sisters that had already taken their husbands last names. And, I have no cousins on my dad’s side of the family. My dad’s family name was going to die out if I did not keep my name. I told my husband that I wanted to keep my dad’s name.
My husband asked what last name the kids would have. I said girls could have mine and boys could have his. He didn’t really like that and suggested the hyphenation.
So, we both use both names. The kids have the hyphenated names. Our daughter is married and legally uses our last name though casually uses her husband’s last name. Our son is not in a relationship and uses our hyphenated last name.
4 Likes
It could be cumbersome depending on the last names but I sort of applaud this couple hyphenation!
I agree with whatever the couple decides on and appreciate if/when they do at least thing of the choice and potential children down the road.
I wonder if you did a study of divorced people who changed their names at marriage how much regret after divorce that they took someone else’s name
1 Like
Whenever this comes up I am reminded of Irene Curie, daughter of Pierre and Marie Curie. When Irene married Frederic Joliot, he took the last name Joliot-Curie. I guess if you marry into THAT family, you take their name!!
3 Likes
I think people should take whatever name they like. My H’s father was Scots and H has a hyphenated name. I took H’s name. Our D’s love their hyphenated last name. I haven’t asked D1 if she will keep her last name or take her fiance’s.
3 Likes
When my niece got married her new husband took her last name. They had discussed it with both immediate families ahead of time but the rest of us found out when they were announced as husband and wife after the ceremony. He also changed his first name too, to a name he had been using as a sort of nickname that was unrelated to his actual first name.
1 Like
We never changed either of our names when we got married. There was no consideration for a second if I would take his name, but my husband seriously considered changing to mine. He is a slack with paperwork though. We hyphenated kids’ names, Mine-His.
Mine name is just objectively better!
1 Like
Some of my relatives have the BEST last name. Like they get compliments on it all the time. One of the women left it behind and took her husband’s mundane last name when she married.
She is now divorced and in a serious relationship with a woman (who had traded her own mundane last name for her ex-husband’s). My relative expressed regret at not having her awesome maiden name anymore. I asked if she might change it back and her girlfriend piped up “Yes, and I want to change my name to that when we get married”! That brought a big grin to everyone. Not many people would give up the chance at such a great name!
Many academic women don’t change their names when they marry (or they hyphenate). But I know tons of career-focused women who changed their names when they got married, reverted to maiden name when they got divorced, and then keep the maiden name forever (despite subsequent marriages). They’re over it, LOL.
4 Likes
I knew a guy who took his wife’s surname. It was a very cool Native American name and my reaction was heck yeah, take the cool surname! That superficial reaction aside, it likely had deep meaning for his wife and her family to keep their name alive.
1 Like
A male colleague (young) took his wife’s last name as his middle name and his email signature reflects all three (John Smith Doe). I was so impressed by that. I think she incorporated his name into her’s too.
My ex SIL keep my bother’s last name when they divorced as she wanted to keep the name her kids had; they were 13,15, and 17 at the time. Lets just say we don’t have a close relationship to ex, who is now remarried, and still has our family name. The children are now in their mid-late 30s, I don’t think they would have care if mom had changed her name to new husband’s or her maiden name!
My daughter has dear friends that did a hyphenated version of both names for each of them. One had a longer name, so they shorten it; think Jones-Michael instead of Michaelson. Their daughter has the same last name.
I hyphenated when we married; DH did not. And it’s been a headache ever since - depending on the filing system I come up as either Name A, Name B, or Name A-B.
Kind of liking the two couples I know that created an entirely new name when they married.
1 Like
I married DH for his hair and his short (non-Czech) last name, in that order. I would never revert to my horrific maiden name.
Couples should do whatever they want. I like the idea of selecting an altogether new cool last name, though.
3 Likes
Old friends took both names when they married 30+ years ago. Her name is first, his is second. I like it.
2 Likes
My cousin and her husband chose a new last name to each take when they got married recently, and I have friends who chose to do that, as well.
I had already published under my maiden name when I married, and my husband had also published under his, so at the time we opted to each keep our last names and the original plan was to hyphenate future kids’ names so that they each had part of our last names. While in labor with our first, I had a sudden change of heart about hyphenating and decided to give my maiden name as a second middle name to the kids instead and they just had my husband’s last name. I ended up officially hyphenating my last name and now legally use that but still publish under my maiden name.
In retrospect, my husband and I now wish we had just both chosen to hyphenate our names so that everyone would have the same name. I’ve grown fond of the hyphenated name and we end up referring to our family as the “hyphenated name” family anyways. So, definitely some regrets there…and I see why more and more couples just opt for entirely new last names now.
I know this headache all too well! I recently renewed my passport and when checking the system I looked for Name A, Name B, and Name A-B, and couldn’t find any record of my application being received. it finally occurred to me after a few days to check for Name AB and there it was…and then I had to wait and hope they actually printed it as A-B and not AB in the end!
2 Likes
Shortly after John Lennon and Yoko Ono got married, John changed his middle name from “Winston” to “Ono.” He said that Yoko had taken his last name, so it was only fair that he changed at least his middle name to take hers.
Off-topic, but it infuriates me when I see “et ux” on deeds etc. It means “and wife,” as if the wife had no real identity except as a wife.
2 Likes