When does the Honeymoon End--Do First Weeks at College Predict What's Ahead?

Parents Forum
21

<p>I never had a honeymoon period when I was a freshman/first year. I was pretty much kind of uncomfortable on campus despite having visited and overnighted twice. Coming back after each break was very hard and I would end up counting down to the next break. It made a very long year that did eventually fly fast with busy work schedule.</p>

<p>But when I transferred to my school for my sophomore year, I experienced honeymoon... the same kind of feelings that I was "supposed" to have as a freshman. That lasted until.... well it's still there, even after 4 months after graduation :mr green: Now I'm experiencing a second honeymoon at my grad school (Michigan)... not sure how long this is going to last given that it's grad school! :)</p>

<p>It's a matter of finding your own niche. I'm not sure how my brother is doing.... But if you're talking about... freedom, independence... it's still part of the equation.</p>

22

<p>Freshman honeymoon lasted until the first test. Then panic and buckle down. Then things were great until near the end of the semester and drama with the room-mate. Like other poster's - D went back and forth between "I love college, and I hate it here." So...the answer...there was definately a honeymoon period, followed by a rollercoaster - then things eventually leveled out to a rolly-polly stress-stress-fun-fun-stress-stress-finals are over Yahoooo!...ahh summer's over....I can't wait to go see my friends!</p>

23

<p>Back in the day, my honeymoon lasted from the time I transferred to an out-of-state college thru grad school. For S, he was happy from the day he started & just today (as a junior) he said he wasn't happy with the instructors that just a little while ago he said were great. Not sure what's up with that, but maybe it's not been a good week? He tends to be pretty even-keeled, but who knows?
D has not yet had a honeymoon period because she's a a commuter community college she does NOT like. She's going to enter the U as a transfer in January & we'll see whether she has a honeymoon. Her friends are having some homesickness, but otherwise seem happy enough at their Us.</p>

24

<p>Last year my daughter left the Midwest for the East Coast over 1900 miles away from her home. She knew no one at her school. It’s an urban art school. I’ll tell you I’ve never admired a kid so much as I did when we left her there. I could not have done this when I was her age. It is a very hard and demanding school. I got alternating text messages thanking me for sending her and she was so miserable. They call freshman year boot camp. She lost both her dear grandparents within two months of going to school. She was utterly exhausted by the time she came home in May. She stated she couldn’t go back to school. Also, two of her friends dropped out. So we discussed her options. She was also doing an internship at the time and discussed her career with some pretty smart people. They told she was doing the right thing at the right school and after a couple of months of sleep and good food, she left again for another year. I’m hoping she has some fun this year and not work so hard. On the good side, she had a great roommate, whom she is living with again. Honeymoon starts this year, I hope?</p>

25

<p>i kinda had a honeymoon period, still am in some respects, but the big money bull has really pulled his tricks...burst our bubbles (family and i). </p>

<p>i've also had some homesickness, even though i only live about 20-30 minutes away from my college. i've gone home twice, one for each weekend i've been here so far, and my mom has come up a few times to bring me stuff and just so we can go out somewhere like a late-night run to taco bell and talk. this weekend however, i'm not planning ongoing home because i have a paper for my freshman seminar class due tuesday and an adovacy presentation/paper for my foundations of music ed class due monday, and also a short set of program notes for the piece i'm studying for flute lessons due monday also....so we'll see how that goes...</p>

<p>as for now, i'm still in the process of hammering out a schedule that will most effectively manage my time. i think once i do that and have a month or so and a few couple of "first exams" under my belt, i'll be better. i HATE not being on a regular schedule and everything, drives me up the wall. keeping my fingers crossed something will work out soon! :)</p>

26

<p>i think my honeymoon period ended at the end of october freshman year. thats when all the excitedness of meeting new people and my new "group". the willingness to be freidns with everyone disappered for some people and groups really began to form. this caused me to realize i really wasnt in with the right group and eveyrthing. and until about february it was pretty rough becuase i had to start from scratch with friends. but even during that rough period i still loved my college and where i was, even if i did miss my friends and relationships from home.</p>

<p>sophmore year began a whole new honeymoon period for me. im loving everything more than ever. these last two weeks have been amazing, cant wait for the rest of the eya becuase i know its just going to be great.</p>

27

<p>Hasn't ended yet...</p>

<p>Son #2 started out loving his setup, getting along with his roommates, enjoying the activities and making new friends. A year later he is in the same dorm with 2 of the same boys (the other left to be an R.A. - no problems) and still hanging out with all the new friends. Good grades, likes the major....</p>

<p>Knocking wood as I type. It's really been a great experience so far.</p>

28

<p>It has almost nothing to do with the school per se, but rather with the student's emotional, psychological makeup, and of course their maturity.</p>

<p>Living in close quarters, cafeteria food, fast paced classes, demanding and sometimes cold professors, dorm drama, bf or gf problems, being away from home, the shock of realizing they are responsible for their own behavior and often the outcome of their work, too much freedom, too much money, not enough money, weather issues, cultural issues and sometimes extreme shock, noisy and immoral neighbors or room mates, on and on. But all of that depends on the individual person and how they deal with it and respond to it.</p>

<p>There is not one pat answer. But in general, the honeymoon lasts until just before Thanksgiving when papers come due, exam anxiety sets in, weather changes. Its most pronounced after Christmas. By spring break things are looking up.</p>

<p>Yes, some kids picked the wrong school for THEM. But most of the transfer mania is about anxiety and not knowing how to channel it so they attempt to "run away from it." Be careful with that. The grass is not always greener. Examine the issues carefully and unemotionally. </p>

<p>The best advice is to have fun and balance your life in college. Being 4.0 is not the ONLY thing you need to be fixated upon. In fact, its likely a mistake. Some professors are harder graders than others. Even for the same course...you might get different results. Define yourself from within, not from without...meaning, not by your environment and what others are doing or saying about you.</p>

<p>And learn to laugh at things and roll with the punches. College is an experience and your goal is to graduate, not to be a perfect Phi Beta Kappa person. Of course, if you achieve that...great! But its not the ONLY objective.</p>

<p>Failure is "giving up." Not getting a few C's, or having a breakup with your bf or gf. </p>

<p>The vast majority of kids who blow out, do so because of immaturity and excessive partying. And remember the old adage: Nothing good happens after midnight.</p>

29

<p>I know my misery is due to poor school choice. I can't wait to get out of the school I'm at now. I'm not homesick at all. I spend a majority of my weekends at my friends college. I've met more people there than here hah.</p>

30

<p>My freshman D is on cloud nine. I joked to my husband that when she calls, she sounds like she's joined a cult. She loves her classes, teachers, dorm, roommate, food. She even loves her anatomy lab! Of course this makes me happy, but I too wonder if the honeymoon will come to a crashing halt. Oh well, meanwhile, it's all good!</p>

31

<p>D hated her 1st semester freshman year. Returned home went to cc 2nd semester and transferred to her dream school sophomore year and has loved it ever since. She is a senior and has loved returning each time. She has had devastating break-up, no bf for 2years and in love again, but has loved school and her friends all along. Some edge off the honeymoon, being a little disappointed with her department, but loves her school in general. She is looking forward be back. Her friends emale and male have made the difference regardless of relationships.</p>

32

<p>I graduated in May. I would say that there's no one "honeymoon period". College is a series of ups and downs. There were days that I said, "I love my college! I'll be so sorry when I have to leave here!" and there were other days that I hated my college so much, I wanted to transfer and never see anyone who went there again. Sometimes it was because of things that were actually related to my college and other times it was outside issues -- problems with my boyfriend, feeling a bit lonely and isolated, and a bout of depression in my junior year.</p>

<p>So does the "honeymoon" feeling end? Of course it does. Does that mean that your son or daughter will become unhappy with their college choice? Most likely not. It's like an intense relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes you love them more than life itself, and other times you want to throw them down a flight of stairs. Similarly with college. I'm like that with my graduate institution now. Most days, I absolutely love being here, but every now and then I want to pick all my stuff up and move back in with my mom. It's just part of growing up :)</p>

<p>I think after a couple of months it will become clear to a student whether or not their happiness is just as a result of something new (or whether unhappiness is just homesickness). Personally, I think it takes at least a semester to be sure. I usually advise students to wait until the end of their first academic year before they make the decision to transfer -- most places won't consider you as a transfer before then, as you have to have 30 credits -- but it usually becomes evident by the time they come home for Christmas break. If by New Year's they are counting the days until they can get out of your house, they're probably fine. If they are begging you to let them commute by private jet to their college 1500 miles away each morning, then there's something wrong.</p>

33

<p>My D's experience was the worst first two weeks of school ever, in a couple of ways. But it did NOT portend the next 4 years, which were wonderful.</p>

<p>The first week she had money woes--she put all her money in a student bank account, then found she couldn't <em>use</em> any of it until a 5 day waiting period. (Citybank fine print.) So we tried to wire her money, which endedup being a comedy of errors. Turns out wiring is not overnight, either. The bank here sends the money, but has no control over when the receiving bank releases it. Or something. We also tried FedEx, but that was the day the new driver on the route didn't check the box and left behind a bunch of stuff...including the envelope with a check for D! </p>

<p>The next week, the World Trade Center got bombed (did I mention she started school in NYC in September, 2001?) </p>

<p>So yes, things got better after that!</p>

<p>My other kids have had more or less normal settling in periods.</p>

34

<p>Short answer to OP: no, and, as others have said, it all depends on the individual. S chose a distant private; he has tendencies toward shyness, but jumped in with both feet. Became RH VP, joined the fencing club (had never fenced before), dabbled in other clubs, socialized regularly with his hall. By winter break, had quit fencing and all other non-RH clubs; by sophomore year was down to a small but close-knit group of friends who shared his video game and movie interests. By junior year, was complaining bitterly about the emphasis on materialism in the dominant social scene at the school. He still continues to find the academics a bright spot. So I think he reverted to his individual personality mean over time and wonder if that is true for many students who think they are going to totally reinvent themselves in college and approach the first weeks in that way.</p>

<p>Jury is still out on D, who has only been away 2 weeks. Throughout her life she has had shifts in dominant interests: outdoors girl to jock girl to academically-driven girl to service-oriented and international girl and, through her job this summer, back at least temporarily to outdoors girl. I wait with interest to find out what will inspire her passions in this next phase of her life.</p>

35

<p>So far my daughter's still on her college honeymoon, even after having to move off campus because of the dreaded lottery bump. Still loves her school, roommate, classes, professors, friends etc.</p>

<p>Should say that she's a sophomore this year</p>

36

<p>I liked my school this first day and then after that, I hated it. I had my reservations about the school from the time I sent in my deposit and all summer long but it was the best school on the list of schools I got into. I am currently working on transfering to my state school (Maryland). If I do not get in, I will attend community college next semester and work part-time.</p>

37

<p>juillet-- very well said. In fact, all of like is like that-- marriage, parenting, work life. Nothing is all bliss all the time.</p>

38

<p>I think the first few weeks are very telling if the student is attending a college that is a good distance from home. Many students just get too home sick and can't get past it. They usually end up transfering to a college closer to home.</p>

39

<p>Actually, those who are able to tough it out often find out they grow a great deal by the end of their 1st year and sometimes end up really loving their college experience and the distance from home. My niece attending Notre Dame is one of them. Initially she had a tougher time adjusting than those who attended schools on the West Coast (closer & more similar to HI than her). The first few weeks are just the initial settling in and can be deceptive in terms of how much/little an individual will like the school by the time they graduate.</p>

40

<p>My kid loved the first few weeks of school...the orientation kept him very busy, he met tons of new kids and all the excitement of the college experience was such a novelty...and then reality set in. He realized that he had to actually read (a lot) and study and the people that are really friendly and outgoing at first find friends and form groups and are not so outgoing and friendly anymore. I think he had a big let down after the first few weeks.</p>

<p>It has continued to be a roller coaster ride for him and he is now going to transfer schools as a junior. He has had many great times at his current school and made some very nice friends, but feels ready to try something different - different location, climate, student body, etc. It will be interesting.</p>