<p>Ah, I understand the ex problem. I have an ex-H… although he does not contribute a penny to D1’s college, so we have not had to coordinate much (he springs sometimes for 50% of a plane ticket, that is it). But if I did have to coodinate more, I would not hope for the best. A few thoughts:</p>
<ul>
<li>Are you certain that both you and D’s mom are able to cover 50% of the cost of the colleges she is considering? If not, you probably need to speak up NOW (earlier than this would have been better…). It could affect where your D applies.</li>
<li>I would communicate through email with her mom (and your D), since talking is tough. It gives you (1) a written record of decisions, and (2) a chance to NOT hit send when you are tempted to be snarky or rude (believe me, I am tempted with my ex all the time, so no insult intended). Even if one of them is, keep your responses professional. If nothing else, they might be useful in court if you need them, so take the high road.</li>
<li>First you will want to settle what college expenses will be covered in total. Example:
tuition, room and board, fees (there are usually a few hundred dollars of fees that every student needs to pay, they come on the college bill), travel expenses, spending money, cell phone, and books/supplies. As I mentioned above, my kids cover their own books & spending money (she also pays for her texting plan), and I take care of the rest. Even before your D’s college is chosen, this is a discussion you should start with your ex. Your ex may think it is good for your D to cover a few of her own expenses, or not. Either way, you should settle this. By the way, this is good to resolve now for another reason. There is a BIG difference in spending money requirements at different colleges (a kid at Columbia or Georgetown is going to spend a lot more than a kid at a remote LAC). It was one factor my D1 took into account when selecting a school… she is happy she picked a school where she needs less spending money. She is also very judicious in her spending on books (renting, returning them on time).</li>
<li>Another question is how any unpaid internships or study abroad expenses will be covered (I paid D’s additional travel expenses when she went abroad, she covered her own summer expenses when she took an unpaid internship).</li>
<li>I have made it very clear to my kids that I will pay for 4 years of undergrad, but no more. They know they need to pass their classes and not change majors (at least not so they have to take an extra semester or year). If you want to take this position, I would confirm this with her mom (see if she agrees), and make sure your D knows this. It is good incentive to keep them on track.</li>
<li>If you haven’t yet, let your ex know that you are willing to provide info for the CSS profile or other financial info the colleges require, assuming your D will be applying for financial aid. My ex was able to fill that out without me seeing his info (although he didn’t pay any money, he did fill out the form). Just sets a tone of cooperation that you really are going to need to get through this… even if you think she won’t get aid, if you ex wants you to do it, I would do it.</li>
<li>Once your D has been accepted and finalized her choice of a school, then you need to understand the options for payment schedule (your original question). You need to coordinate with her mom to select which payment plan you will use.</li>
<li>After settling that, you should see if you can both (you and her mom) be sent copies of every statement (from the college or the payment plan). Agree to each pay 50% to the college or the plan by the due date (and don’t ever be late!). You should check in with the mom early every summer to confirm you will use the same appraoch the next school year. We paid using a different plan one year when D1 studied abroad, so it is worth discussing each year.</li>
<li>You will need to figure out how to handle travel expenses if your D is going to school that requires plane or train or shuttle or whatever expense. I would suggest that one parent handle the travel arrangements, pay via credit card, and send a copy of the invoice to the other parent (who can then send a check to the parent who booked the travel). It is pretty easy to book tickets on the internet and just send a copy of the transaction info to another email address.</li>
<li>If you are covering some of spending money & books, I would send your 50% of that directly to your D. Do it with a check so you a record of the transaction.</li>
</ul>
<p>Good luck!</p>