<p>I've been rooming with a girl for about a month and a half now and to say I can't stand her is an understatement. I know it's give it and take and I am really really trying but sometimes people just don't get along and this is one of those times! She is filthy, never cleans anything and insists on her alarm going off and then snoozing it 3 or 4 times every morning at 6am when I don't have to get up...I know she needs to get up but I swear the quadruple snoozing thing is just to annoy me. She does other things which I don't really want to discuss (kinda gross) but you get the idea!</p>
<p>So I went to our RA who said "oooh just talk to her" and when I spoke to her she basically said it's her way or the highway. She's an exchange student who hates America and everything in it so she's made it her mission to make me as miserable as she is while she's here. Apparently she's been getting very friendly with the Hall Director so I guess she's been putting it all on me to make me look bad. The RA said I can forget a room change - what can I do? </p>
<p>Other than 15 to life for finishing her off obviously lol</p>
<p>That's such a hard situation. If the other person doesn't want to work things out, it's a little difficult to work out compromises isn't it? If your Hall Director is not helping, what about the RA over the whole dorm? Or what about going to Residence Housing office itself and speaking to someone there? If all else fails, I suggest going to the counseling center, if nothing else they may be able to document that this situation is affecting your mental/physical health or academic studies and give you ammunition for a room change.</p>
<p>Do you know of anyone else having an issue with a roommate that might be willing to switch roommates with you? Like maybe this girl has a friend that doesn't like her roommate and would like to be with yours--and the one she leaves behind would be better than what you have.</p>
<p>I know of other people who are having some issues, but none like mine! I don't know why my room mate even came here, she literally hates everything about the US. Lucky for her she got a job at the international centre so she never has to mix with any Americans except in class and at our apartment.</p>
<p>There will be some openings coming up in the dorms around Christmas when one batch of exchange students goes home (sadly not her, she's here for a year) so I might be able to get a switch then. I feel bad for our other room mates though as they don't really like her either but she is driving me insane!</p>
<p>So you have other roommates? Would they go with you as a group to talk to your Hall Director? That way maybe it would be viewd as not just "your problem"? Good luck with this. I know both my oldest son and daughter had awful roommate situations. My son ended up with medical problems due to the stress and my daughter raised so much ruckus with her RA and the roommate, that the roommate finally moved out to live with another person who liked to party all night. (Actually my daughter's roommate was using drugs and daughter finally threatend to turn her in if she didn't move out). </p>
<p>If the girl hates Americans so much, wonder why she wouldn't want to move in with another exchange student? Would that be an option?</p>
<p>They're housed with us so they can integrate....which isn't going to help anyone when she's obviously so anti-American. We share a 2 bed apartment with 2 other girls who are great and I know the exchange girl didn't like the other two when we moved in so marched off and asked to move right away. At that point me and her were civil to each other and stupidly I talked her into staying in the apartment with us, purely because I felt bad she was so far from home and having a rough time. When classes started and she gets up so early the alarm clock thing kicked off, and gradually we've noticed that although she agreed to clean the kitchen in our room mate agreement she will only clean parts that she thinks she's dirtied. I don't have that luxury being on bathroom duty! She also never cleans the room (I do it instead because I can't live in filth) and her own hygiene habits are questionnable so things are so bad between us we don't even talk and it's getting to the point where I can't even stand to be in the same room as her.</p>
<p>College was supposed to be way more fun than this! I'm trying to stay upbeat about it and am thankful she's not into drugs or bringing guys back but even so a year is a long time when you can't stand someone.</p>
<p>you're lucky to be in this situation! And no, I'm not being sarcastic ;)</p>
<p>It would be wonderful if you got a great roomate who you got along great with, were able to share confidences, a friend to hang out with, and so on. But you didn't. You got the opposite. But what now? As Shakespeare said: "Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so." What life has given you is a lousy roomate and a great chance to master how you handle setbacks. Trust me, this isn't the last time you'll be saddled with something you don't like and can't quickly change. There will be bad profs, bad jobs, etc. down the line and how you handle them will determine whether they make you miserable or not.</p>
<p>You need to decide what matters and what doesn't. Distance yourself from the situation, try to change only what MUST be changed. Her anti-American attitude? Personal hygiene? Her problems. Cleaning? You need to work something out here, same with the alarm clock (or buy earplugs). If you clean the whole bathroom as per the agreement, she can clean the whole kitchen as per the agreement. But it's important to focus just on the one issue at hand, not bring in the whole laundry-list of complaints. An interesting article on working out conflict is at <a href="http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org/Chapter13/chap13_62.html%5B/url%5D">http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org/Chapter13/chap13_62.html</a> and I'll have another suggestion later in the post.</p>
<p>Looking at your post it looks like that because of your frustration and unhappiness with the situation you're taking almost everything personally. Sure, maybe she IS hitting the snooze button 4x just to annoy you. But maybe it's because she doesn't want to get up to start another day in a country she despises. The point is that by looking only for explanations that involve her deliberately antagonizing you it makes even things that MAY be innocent turn into painful jabs. And labels such as "filth" are polarizing; again, maybe things ARE that dirty but are we talking about actual dirt and bugs crawling around or just a slob who doesn't pick up after herself and leaves things laying around?</p>
<p>Your RA has done you a disservice -- not for refusing to intervene (that was a good idea), but for not helping you to find ways to reduce and resolve conflicts. That's part of their job, helping you learn those skills. The good news is that virtually every college has counselors available. Use them not to document your unhappiness as was suggested earlier, but as a resource that can help you learn to resolve problems where you can and cope with those you can't. What you're going thru isn't fun and what you'd want, but I think that a year or two from now -- even a decade from now -- you'll look back and see this as a valuable (albeit painful) learning experience, one of the things you learned in college that really stayed with you (unlike so many lectures that will soon be forgotten).</p>
<p>Hey don't get me wrong, I know in the grand scheme of things this isn't anything major. I've lived with worse people and had a bunch of bad bosses, boyfriends, room mates etc. I can live with someone I dislike, but not to the point where she is on purpose doing things to affect the quality of my life while I live with her. I've tried meeting her half way but she point blank refuses so that's about where my sympathy for her ends. I am talking about dirt, in the 7 weeks or so we've lived together she has never once dusted or cleaned the floor in our room, not to mention anything else in the apartment. I have not gone so far as to only clean my half of the room because that would be childish but at the same time how can someone live with a pile of hair and other dirt under their bed and not think "hey I should probably vacuum" ?</p>
<p>As for peeing on something of hers, it would probably be an improvement.</p>
<p>Somehow I see this as intolerance on your part. I don't know why an international would come to the US as an exchange student if she hated Americans. I do not know her half of the story so I cannot really comment.</p>
<p>She wanted to go to a school in NY but got placed here instead - she places great emphasis on the fact that TN wasn't even on her radar when she was asking to come here. I don't know why she came either, she keeps saying she hopes doesn't end up speaking American english and hangs out with an English girl so she picks up her words rather than ours. Most of the other internationals can give you a reason why they came here or at least what they hoped to get out of it, she can't.</p>
<p>I'd be the same if it was someone local I was living with who refused to even discuss any problems we're having, where she's from has nothing to do with it for me. I appreciate she may be homesick and I'm not horrible to her but at the same time she's having a negative effect on my time here which isn't fair either. </p>
<p>Thanks for your advice anyway - I guess it's just one of those things.</p>
<p>"Somehow I see this as intolerance on your part. I don't know why an international would come to the US as an exchange student if she hated Americans. I do not know her half of the story so I cannot really comment."</p>
<p>Somehow I see you as retarded. </p>
<p>Ya I am going through the same thing, not nearly as bad as you, but....
I was raised a certain way and when I have to live with people that could really give a **** about anything, it sorta makes things hard. THough i can think of one thing to make your life more interesting, if she hates the US so much (ooo that makes me mad), make fun of her country. For some reason that doesnt go so hot with the internationals...:)</p>
<p>
[quote]
THough i can think of one thing to make your life more interesting, if she hates the US so much (ooo that makes me mad), make fun of her country.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I'm sure that'll solve tons of problems. :rollseyes:</p>
<p>I just think the whole idea of going behind the roommate's back with your bevy of friends to the RHD to taddle on her is a very immature way to handle the problem. If I were in your situation, I would attempt again to resolve the problems you have with your roommate and if it doesn't work out, send a letter to the director to campus life.</p>
<p>If the RHD was doing her job, she would have all suite mates sit down and talk it out--work out compromises that everyone could live with. That is part of her job--to be a mediator when there are problems. I don't see it as tattling, but just asking for help from a nonbiased person who is the designated "next in chain of command". Without going to RHD first, you are likely to be asked by director of campus life if you did in fact approach your RHD first.</p>