<p>Well, since we're staying overnight when we drop S. off (plenty of parent activities), my only hope is that they'll decide the rooming situation by the next day and I'll get to at least see some evidence of settling in. And I'll probably get to commiserate with the parents of his 3 roomates/suitemates. Anyway, thanks, everyone, for all the interesting perspectives!</p>
<p>I would sort of be relieved is that was the arrangement (drop and dash). I am concerned about making my son crazy on Friday. It feels like having a two year old again - He wants to do it himself, I'm distru****l that he'll manage it...(But I know in my heart he will!)</p>
<p>I let my boys, (the ones still home) read this thread and all they did was shake their heads. They said if they had or will put up a fuss about me being in their rooms or arranging their stuff, it would be THEIR dead bodies we all would be talking about!!!</p>
<p>Oh no, in our family, no matter how big or how old they get, I am THE MOM. And that is how they say it, in all caps!!!</p>
<p>I love this board, it gives such insight into how other families' perceive each other and the steps they go through to raise their children. My oldest son, who I put on a plane last year to school and didn't see him til Christmas was the one who strongly suggested that I take his lil' sis to school (plane ride) this year and stay a few days. He said even though he didn't know he wanted that, if he could do it over he would.</p>
<p>So I did, stayed 3 days and got her all settled. And yes she is my baby girl. We had a great time, shopped, explored and loved every minute of it. Oldest son was happy I did, and said he was jealous that he hadn't wanted/knew he wanted that. So, will do it for him this year. </p>
<p>Side note: DD had purchased walkie-talkies so that when she was in orientation her first day and a-half she could buzz me to tell me what went where and I could ask her the same type of questions. She didn't know how to turn the thing off at first so everyone in her group got to hear me fall off a chair and cut my finger with the screwdriver trying to assemble the desk chair. She said her group laughed so hard and were amazed a mom sounded like that!!</p>
<p>She eventually turned off the walkie-talkie at my humiliated insistance.</p>
<p>Kat</p>
<p>Kat--let me just tell you that your family may be my favorite one to read about on this board. It's obviously so close and happy. You must be really proud of your accomplished and mature kids.</p>
<p>I never got the feeling that my kids minded their dad and I schlepping their stuff into the rooms, helping set up computers (this has gotten simpler the last few years, but when my D was a frosh five years ago the setup was a nightmare on the whole floor, H ended up helping several other families), putting sheets on, helping hang things up, etc.</p>
<p>No one said anything about decorating. I dont get why some people always have to pick an argument on parenting styles; let's save that animosity for the Cafe..;)</p>
<p>My DS will also be at Harvard. I don't mind not helping with the unpacking, but will miss having a mental picture of him in his new room. We will also still be in town on Sunday, but I'm just hoping he'll want to have dinner with us Saturday night (though not counting on it).</p>
<p>Donemom and 1moremom -</p>
<p>To get a good mental picture of your sons in their dorms and have a great time with other interesting H activities, plan on attending Freshman Parents Weekend. Last year it was in October. I assume it will be similar this year. It was great.</p>
<p>Thanks, Coureur; we already have the reservations. :) (S has been IMing daily w/a couple pf the roomies; it sounds like it will be a great group.)</p>
<p>Last week I took my one and only child, a D, to her college. It absolutely mortified us both to see parents literally dropping kids off and leaving, but I understand that different families do things different ways. I helped my D move her stuff in on Tuesday and she attended a Scholar's retreat off-campus on Wednesday and Thursday. I have other friends who have kids at this school and they moved them in on those days so I helped them and just enjoyed myself in general during this time. When my daughter returned to campus on Thursday evening, we continued to unpack her things, hang her clothes and get her room in order. On Friday we picked up her textbooks and went shopping for necessities. On Saturday we got together with our family friends who also have a child enrolled at her school and we all had a great dinner. When I got ready to leave on Sunday morning I swung by D's dorm to pick up some containers she wanted me to take back home. It was early and I didn't want to disturb her roomate so I had her come downstairs to meet me. We hugged, cried, kissed and I left. We wouldn't have done this move any other way.</p>
<p>I must say I am looking forward to helping S set up his (minimalist) room - at least helping make bed, put clothes in drawers (for the one and only time they will probably see the inside of a drawer ;) ). Expect he and H will hook up stereo/computer, etc. No minimalism in the electronics field, only in the decor realm.</p>
<p>HOWEVER, if he kicks me out, I will be happy too because it will mean he has found new friends and is "settling in" with them. That will be more important than "settling in" to a room arrangement. Picturing him engaged with his peers - that is what I really, really want.</p>
<p>Not meaning to play Pollyanna, but I bet most of us parents can be very happy with the mental image of them "tucked in" among friends, even if we can't see their pad.</p>
<p>For DD's freshman year - she went on a freshman adventure trip the week before school started - flew to school with what she needed for that week only - all well and good - except being far from home - she could not take any of her 'stuff' with her - no place to put it - so we had to manage to get her stuff there AND move her in on the selected day - and because of construction on campus - had to schlep it across campus with no upper class assistance - except for provided carts - and up to the 6th floor - all without her there. Once she got there - dads were relagated to putting together beds - putting together computer stuff (wiring/runing cables, etc...) - the mom's were relegated to running errands and providing cold drinks - no AC and 95 degrees - and getting rid of boxes and junk. The decorating was left to the roomies once they were able to get together. Then we parents were basically sent on our way - ooo we did get to have dinner with them - but then we were gone.</p>
<p>The next year - they went their seperate ways - both to off-campus student housing/apartments - and did most of it on their own - with help from friends. They had both put most of their stuff in storage to make it easier.</p>
<p>Without the help of parents for that first move-in - it would have been a horror show - as there were no helpers around - and just getting the stuff to and into the dorm was an act of God and Congress.</p>
<p>Oh, man, you could be describing my S's school--no upperclass helpers, just carts, two slow elevators, and nightmare parking. Luckily we are not the amenities type of people; we expect to DIY and deal with the circumstances, but hoo boy, that was tough!</p>
<p>
[quote]
I bet most of us parents can be very happy with the mental image of them "tucked in" among friends, even if we can't see their pad.
[/quote]
Since that's exactly the situation I'll be in, I'll let you know how it works out. ;)</p>
<p>First son was a freshman at Harvard 2 years ago. We dropped him off at the airport with all his bags (under limit even with instruments!). It was at the airport that a friend also dropping off her (further along in) college student told us it was normal to take the student to the school the first year. We had no clue.</p>
<p>We already had tickets to come to Parent Weekend, which we had assumed was the proper time for new parents to learn about how our kid was doing in school and attend whatever activities the school had planned for freshman parent orientation. We totally expected our son to work out whatever arrangements with his roommates he needed, as the 4 roommates had already been talking via email and phone since previously Harvard notified students who their roommates would be. I think students had been cautioned not to try to be the first one to arrive and put "dibs" on a certain room or bed. As it worked out, the group was very compatible and flexible about their setup.</p>
<p>Of course we were curious about room layout, roommates, etc. But we eventually met the roommates and saw how they'd put together their room. My S has never complained he felt abandoned by us not going thousands of miles to tuck him in his new dorm. BTW, he was a public school kid so dorm living was new for him. He did fine.</p>
<p>JMMom: Your S could be my S's twin! I wonder if any of his t-shirts & shorts are still in the drawers 3 days later? I'm reasonably sure the 2 (and only 2--NO extras, please!) button-down shirts & one pair (a fate worse than death was threatened if I tried to sneak in a second pair) of dress slacks are still nicely hung--and will be, untouched by human hands since I hung them this past Friday, when it's time to pack up to come home this summer!</p>
<p>Electronics, on the other hand...yes, that is a different story!</p>
<p>One of the greatest things about CC is our diversity of style...we all deeply love our kids and put ourselves thru emotional, intellectual, physical energy, and financial wringers to be sure we've done our best (including achieving that blessed oh-so-hard to achieve "letting go")...it's fascinating to see both the differences and the samenesses...</p>
<p>Still, as one of those who treasures the rites of passage, I empathize with those who have to miss them...a decision to visit only schools to which he was admitted combined with a mid-April broken ankle elminated college visits for us, a ritual I sorely missed. I'm glad S didn't "make me" miss move-in. Altho he told me quite explicitly that he was very glad to "give me" move-in, but I did need to understand it was for me, not for him...</p>
<p>I must say, I'm hearing nothing but joy in his voice and seeing nothing but contentment and excitement in his emails...so far, there's no sign of "trauma" or even "adjustment"...he's exactly where he wants to be and both loving and appreciating it...I get at least three thank-you's in every communication...and THAT's what is most important. Sending off a confident, joyful, curious and expectant person to his own 'real world' is such a feeling of "job well done" (altho I concede the "raw material" had more to do with the way he's turned out, so far, than any parenting I did!) and pride and satisfaction...almost it makes up for the tears that come when I realize my part as his daily companion on his journey thru life is now over...</p>
<p>Sure do wish we could have a CCers "convention"...anyone planning to be in the DC area? If so, let me know...we'll do a Sinners Alley "event" for real instead of via "virtual reality"...</p>
<p>My parents didn't take me--one's a teacher and the other a professor so the timing was just awful. My dad drove me to two hours to the airport, though, because my Mom knew she'd bawl and didn't want to do that to me.</p>
<p>Maybe I'm pathetic, but I'm choking up reading this thread. 12 years until I'll be facing this as a mom.</p>
<p>jmmom, you'll soon see that my son, too, and yours are very much the same, as they are to be only two floors apart! Minimal clothing, maximum electronics! (except that mine must have inherited something from me, as there appear to be three boxes of BOOKS! in the living room waiting to be loaded into the car!)</p>
<p>just dropped of D at college- stayed three nights- sis stayed 2 nights in her apt. Left lots of stuff home- just what could fit in the Jeep with mom and dad and the dog( the two girls took the train down). However her apt is fairly good sized considering it is student housing and we will be shipping boxes of books and possibly even an extra dresser or two that we would love to put to good use ;)</p>
<p>This thread is very helpful. How I'd like to help S move into his apt. and do a big grocery shopping. Must learn to respect his boundaries. Read this board and know I'm not alone</p>
<p>On the other hand, I don't think my FA ever saw my college campus, and MO did 2x (graduation, and when she was speaking in the area)</p>
<p>bookworm's post reminded me, when my parents came for parent's weekend what I really appreciated was a trip to the store to buy the heavy stuff. I didn't have a car so I was usually taking the bus to the store, or going with friends, and buying bulky stuff wasn't easy (laundry detergent, soda, etc). </p>
<p>So a trip to buy what's not going to be easy to get might be a very welcome thing, especially if the convenience factor was pointed out to a student (who might otherwise wonder why he or she was being "babied").</p>
<p>Another area that families seem to have very different opinions on is whether to bring the sibling(s) along when doing the college drop off. It never even occurred to us to bring them - why would we make them do that long drive both ways (and have to deal with a weepy mom on the return trip)? But many, many of our friends feel the opposite - how could we not let little brother/sister see where their disappearing family member is going to live????</p>