When the sheepdogs are preying on the sheep at boarding school

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
21

<p>The eradication of the " subculture of boys/men that objectifies women and views them as potential sexual conquests" is not going to play out on BS campuses. It is a much broader and deeper issue. </p>

<p>However, on a more pragmatic level, it would not appear to be too difficult to ensure that a general understanding exists among the upperclassmen that there are certain barriers one does not cross. The seniors have a lot of clout in BS’s, it is inherent in the hierarchy that exists on these campuses. Generally it is done by the previous graduating class instilling in those coming up that it is not “cool” to be hanging out with freshmen/sophomores. They also rarely have classes together. Seniors have pretty much outgrown the “all school” Saturday night activities and are pre-occupied with college apps. The barriers are almost inherent. </p>

<p>So, maybe this is a outlier, who knows.</p>

22

<p>All schools have honor codes. All schools make honest efforts to educate on this issue. No school wants to be involved in a scandal. No school wants to see any child hurt. Just what do you propose a school should do to try to identify in advance which “charming” students are working the system and heading for disaster? Where can a school get that crystal ball?</p>

<p>I believe that the schools have done what they can: They set up rules and honor codes and clearly define expectations and consequences for infractions. Perhaps the admissions office should devise a method for ensuring that only perfect gentlemen and sweet girls are accepted. Maybe Andover’s attempt to admit only “nice” kids is not as lame as it sounds. Clearly, avoiding behavior problems is an effort that has to be made much further upstream to avoid crisis management senior year.</p>

<p>I would suggest that the root of these scandals begins with the lessons learned at home before the problems walk onto the BS campus and that the gating has to occur before matriculation. I believe that the admissions process does its best to find “nice” kids, but some darker sheep are bound to slip through the stile because there is no perfect method to identify them, thus the need for rules and codes, though I doubt very much that some flaw in St. Paul’s honor code turned “nice” freshman Owen Labrie into a predator. Perfect gentlemen and sweet girls are born in homes, not schools.</p>

<p>But I will fault St. Paul’s and any other school for turning a blind eye to unsavory traditions that it must know exist. Especially after the publication of Shamus Kahn’s book in 2010 which spent much ink on co-ed relationship imbalances, you’d think St. Paul’s would have had enough time and incentive to root out any internal practices that would provide a venue for this type of scandal.</p>

<p>So, I agree with posters who say that the existence of the “tradition” is what is most troubling here and that St. Paul’s is at fault for lack of vigilance over its own culture and not because it could not pre-determine which boy would make a bad prefect.</p>

23

<p>Agreed that personal conduct is learned at home. There are however decisive steps that schools can and should take. I think we agree here that it’s the tacit campus culture understandings that tend to abet or discourage this kind of predatory behavior. It’s doubtful that the rape suspect recklessly chose to throw away his sterling academic prospects if he knew he would immediately face peer censure. The opposite, more like. He probably wanted to gain status. One can’t fault teenagers for not stepping up and speaking out in advance of such crimes, but we see numerous examples of bad behavior that result when there is a lack of positive peer pressure. That can be taught and encouraged by the schools, not merely hoped for. I don’t think this is done effectively by school assemblies or policy statements. It has to be done person to person, faculty with student, student with student. The strongest aspect of these schools, more than the academics, more than the opportunities, is their enduring, unique communities. But such gifts come with burdens. In dark circumstances such as this, the entire community has to accept responsibility to create an environment that protects and honors one another. </p>

24

<p>@anothermom2,

Agreed. My implication was that this prep perp knew better. As a prefect in a coed school he surely would have received training about the definition of statutory rape.</p>

25

<p>I do agree that bad things can happen at any school no matter how “healthy” it is. You can have a bad class, you can have a rotten egg (or two or three), you can have a predatorial teacher - and the list goes on. In 2014, none of us should be the least bit surprised by bad behavior, at elite institutions or elsewhere. </p>

<p>Whether a boarding school that you like has the stomach for constant self-examination and improvement is a whole other issue, and to my mind a central factor in deciding where to apply. Many of our elite boarding schools are comfortable with how things are and can lapse into a “boys will be boys” mentality that stubbornly persists today, only called into question when bad behavior is made public. After all, most of the marquis schools, including Thacher, became great and traditions were established when they were all-male. </p>

<p>Real self-examination and change - not lip service - means upending unhealthy traditions (sanctioned or otherwise), confronting the power of money, suffering institutional embarrassment and a whole host of other unpleasantness devoutly to be ignored. However, differentiating the schools that believe they are works in progress from schools that believe that they are finished masterpieces is the first step in identifying a healthy place for your child. Where is your school on that continuum? </p>

<p>If I had a daughter looking at any of the schools below, I would want to know how the school fared in the Independent School Gender Project, a bi-annual survey of the school’s community health - with special emphasis on how women are treated. I would want to know what the survey results revealed about the intended school, and how the school is responding. Most schools don’t publicize the results, but they’re quite telling. And if my desired school didn’t participate at all, I’d be curious why. Being an EQUALLY great boarding school for adolescent boys and girls is hard, ongoing work and there’s just no getting around it.</p>

<hr>

<p><a href=“http://www.isgpwomen.org/”>http://www.isgpwomen.org/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>The research is designed for coed independent schools at the high school level. Participants include schools that are day schools only, have a combination of day and boarding students, and exclusively boarding schools. Schools in every geographic area of the United States, as well as schools in Canada and the United Kingdom, have participated in the research.</p>

<p>Students in grade 9 and in grade 12 participate in the research through completing the questionnaire for students. Adults in the community (administrators, teaching faculty, and residential life staff) complete the questionnaire for adults.</p>

<p>Participating Schools: past and present</p>

<pre><code>Albuquerque Academy, NM
The American School in London, ENG
Appleby College School, ON
Baylor School, TN
The Bishop’s School, CA
The Bishop Strachan School, ON
Brooks School, MA
Cate School, CA
Choate Rosemary Hall, CT
Conserve School, WI
Dana Hall School, MA
Deerfield Academy, MA
Episcopal High School, VA
Gould Academy, ME
Groton School, MA
The Gunnery, CT
Hawaii Preparatory Academy, HI
Hawken School, OH
The Hotchkiss School, CT
Kent School, CT
Lakefield College School, ON
The Loomis Chaffee School, CT
The Masters School, NY
Milton Academy, MA
Miss Porter’s School, CT
Pomfret School, CT
Proctor Academy, NH
Rowland Hall-St. Mark’s School, UT
Saint Mary’s School, NC
Shattuck-St. Mary’s School, MN
Shawnigan Lake School, BC
St. George’s School, RI
St. Mark’s School, MA
St. Paul’s School, NH
St. Stephen’s Episcopal School, TX
Tabor Academy, MA
Taft School, CT
The Thacher School, CA
Verde Valley School, AZ
Wasatch Academy, UT
The Webb Schools, CA
Westminster School, CT
</code></pre>

26

<p>@ThatcherParent, most interesting information; I intend to review this closely. Thanks very much. Appreciate also the Hamlet quip.</p>

27

<p>Agree that Rape Culture doesn’t just start in College. When I approached our BS to include more in its Sophomore Seminar on No means No;, I didn’t get a favorable response. I really think the BSs have a real responsibility to keeping all students safe and to address this issue.</p>

28

<p>@redbluegoldgreen‌ “When I approached our BS to include more in its Sophomore Seminar on No means No;, I didn’t get a favorable response.”</p>

<p>That is deeply troubling… </p>

<p>T</p>

29

<p>I hope there is some reasonable explanation. I have been trying, but I can’t think of one.</p>

30

<p>The sense I got from the Dean of Students who also had kids at the BS, was that although there was value in it, it wasn’t a priority.</p>