<p>Still good points being brought up … and I remind myself to lay low until acceptances are in and the packages can be compared, if he is lucky enough to have multiple scholarship offers.</p>
<p>We haven’t changed to rules and don’t plan to, but it is so tempting to go with the proverbial bird-in-hand that happens to be a great deal. We know that if it was at practically any other school, my son would be thrilled and excited. We also know he has to buy into the process and feel comfortable with his decision in the end. </p>
<p>Circumstances have not changed, and we are still able to cover what we had offered for college. We have just had so many friends affected by the recent furloughs and cutbacks that we are feeling nervous about what the future holds. Again, borrowing tomorrow’s troubles.</p>
<p>Has the estimated risk of future job losses or other adverse financial events in your family increased significantly since you made the original promise?</p>
<p>OP, We faced a similar situation with one of our kids. GI benefits plus Yellow Ribbon, plus 529 savings, plus other savings and three kids to get through college. We have spread the GI benefits to help us offset the pain of two in college at the same time, so no one child has used the entire four years of those benefits.</p>
<p>Our second child had high stats, and high aspirations. He had a full tuition scholarship to our instate flagship, but his heart was with an OOS flagship that he loved from the moment he visited in his HS junior year. When it came time to make a decision we were very clear that we would support him attending any of the schools had acceptances to, but that by turning down the full scholarship he needed to understand that there would most likely be some things he would like to do during his college years that we would not pay for. </p>
<p>He chose to attend the OOS flagship. It has been a fabulous place for him. Absolutely. But we have held our ground on not paying for extras for him. He has friends whose parents fund many extras, but he has had to make choices. It is good for him to have to do so.</p>
<p>He was clearly a bit surprised when we held our ground, but it has also been good for him to have to seek out scholarships and grants and fellowships to pay for trips to South Africa and Malawi, to work a campus job, to aggressively seek out a high paying summer internship that paid enough to fund his travels. I think he is a better man for it.</p>
Absolutely, eastcoascrazy. You gave him a choice, with reasonable consequences, and allowed him to understand what that choice truly meant. That is great parenting of a kid of any age. Congrats to all of you for his success at school.</p>
<p>Of course people change their minds all the time. If I had laid out expectations and made promises about a decision as important as college, and my kids lived up to their end of the deal, I would not change the terms. Exceptions: if our finances or health changed significantly, or if I was justifiably worried that my child would founder at the chosen school, for health or other significant reasons. I personally would not renege on a long-standing offer because a more attractive offer came along. I think that would set a better example for my kids. (Not saying I’d be overjoyed about it, though!)</p>
That’s what we’ve had to do. I found out I was losing my job (was out of work for 18 months) just as acceptances were coming in for S1. He was accepted at first choice (OOS) with no financial aid whatsoever, and at in-state second choice with substantial merit and other aid. We told him he could go to his first choice but would graduate in debt up to his eyebrows, or go to second choice and graduate with manageable debt. He went with his second choice and never looked back. We’ve flat-out told S2 that he will go where the money is (within reason). Ironically, that’s looking to be a private LAC rather than the in-state regional U he is also interested in.</p>
<p>Football. Your financial situation changed dramatically between applications and acceptances. That IS a good reason to change your financial criteria when acceptances come in. I agree that kids need to understand that when family finances change, they need to be part of the solution to keep the family financially afloat.</p>
<p>In the case of the OP, family finances did NOT change. </p>
<p>Thank you to the OP who clarified. Good luck to your son. He is fortunate to have the options available to him that your family can afford.</p>
<p>Picking a college because the price is right works well in two scenarios-</p>
<p>1- The family could not afford any other option, and everyone agrees that the plan at hand is the single best way for this kid to get a college education.
2- The kid is genuinely excited about the college, and the fact that it’s free (or close to free, or reasonable, supply your own metric) is the icing on the cake.</p>
<p>Otherwise, you’ve got some issues which need to be navigated. OP- maybe your son will come around to number 2. Lots of months between now and then. Or maybe not, in which case, how wonderful that you’ve got the resources to pay for one of his other options.</p>
<p>I know kids whose time abroad have saved money vs. staying on campus, so I don’t blame your son for not considering that a deciding factor. I know kids whose summer jobs have turned into careers which they love- and couldn’t imagine doing anything else, so I admire your son for being realistic about the need to work.</p>
<p>Why not let things play out before you stake out a position on this? Having to tell your kid “We just can’t afford X” is different then “We don’t understand why you want to pay for X when you could go to Y for free”, especially if your son has reasons (valid in his mind) why he doesn’t want to go to Y.</p>
<p>I think you should stick by the rules you set. </p>
<p>HOWEVER, I think making a spreadsheet or something that would show how much he would pay and how many extra opportunities he would get if he did it your way vs. his way would be good.</p>
<p>Like does he know that for law school it will cost (including room and board) $40,000 - $60,000 per year? And you would be contributing $XX,000 towards that if he went to state school.</p>
<p>He also might be “thinking” about law school, but would rather be able to choose his college now vs. getting some money toward law school which he may or may not do.</p>
<p>Also, he may not want to go to summer school (hang out or get a job instead!)
or travel abroad (may have no interest)
or care about a double room (that is the norm)
or think that it would take him more than 4 years (he is a good student).</p>
<p>These things might be important to you, but not as important as his independence. The above reasons are all “bonuses” in my opinion, beyond the normal college experience.</p>
<p>We had a similar situation with my D. She could go practically free in-state and some lesser privates. Following the rules we had laid out for her-Budget, Type of Program, she picked a more expensive college. It was within budget but is was hard to walk away from free. We too set down similar rules. If you select this college, no car, no study abroad, no summer on campus, and working during school year, and no grad school paid for by mom/dad. Then we walked away and let her decide. It was HARD to do that. </p>
<p>She is one semester in and I am glad we allowed her the freedom to make this decision. She choose the pricier college and she was right. It is a great place for her. She is growing beyond where she would have had she stayed closer to home. </p>
<p>Update - he did turn down the amazing offer and will head to a different large state school in the fall. </p>
<p>Luckily we can afford this option, and he is thrilled with his choice. I bought a sweatshirt on our last campus visit and am practicing being supportive … </p>
<p>Thanks to all who chimed in with similar situations and helpful comments. Sure helped to know I was not alone!</p>