<p>UPDATE </p>
<p>The student in question was denied at his last LACs but is weighing a WL at one of them. However, one of the OSS is considering a scholarship for him, but he is seriously thinking of going to the state uni and honoring the original agreement with his parents.</p>
<p>The final decision probably won't be made until later on in the process, once the OSS is heard from and the WL considered.</p>
<p>To be continued. . .</p>
<p>I know a family facing a similar situation. They live in NY and the cost for any of the SUNYs is a bargain. However, as a poster here noted, the rah rah factor of the NY state school are low--don't even know if any of them have a football team. This kid wants to go to Penn State. A fine school, certainly, in the top 50 usually, but the cost for out of staters is steep, much steeper than the NY state schools and Binghamton, Buffalo, Albany and Stoney Brook's price tags are looking mighty good right now. And the kid's social behaviour is making them wonder if a party school is a place for the kid to go. </p>
<p>My take on it was if they could afford it, send them. If they cannot, that is a different story. Like the OP's situation, the kids did apply to some reach schools where he did not get in. Had he been accepted, the parents would have paid the additional money. Frankly, they do not believe that Penn State is worth the extra over the SUNY schools. They are also saying that the party, rah-rah environment there would be detrimental to the kid. Well, S1 can well assure anyone that they can party just as hard at Binghamton, as he spent a weekend there several years ago checking it out, and anyone looking for a good time is going to find it anywhere. Maybe not at Bob Jones or like school, but I would not be quibbling between State School A and B. </p>
<p>Many times I have seen posts asking whether Brandeis is "better" thatn Goucher or like questions. And most of the time, I feel that the style and environment of the school is what should be evaluated as the quality of education provided is not going to be that different. Occaisionally you do get a kid that wants a specialty program that may be better developed at a school, or not even offered at some schools, but most of the time for the average student who really is scoping out his options, any school will do. It is the feel of the place and the fit that helps make it a successful match. Now clearly, if the money just is not there, it is one thing. But to say, that you'll pay for UMichigan, NOrthwestern but not for Penn State because you think that SUNY is just as good and cheaper, seems like really micromanaging to a point that is not going to be so useful.</p>
<p>Though clearly this was not the ideal way to go about college apps, what is done is done. The next step is getting the best match for the student out of the available choices. If the family cannot afford to pay for the student's choices, he either has to come up with the difference working or borrowing. If the family can, but does not want to,that is a whole different story. Perhaps a compromise can be worked out. I truly believe kids should be paying for a portion of their education anyways especially if they are going to be working class after college. There does come that time when they need to truly feel what cost is. Most of the time, I feel that it is asking for trouble putting a recalictrant kid into a school that the parent picks. When you look at the grad % of some of these schools, you begin to realize that it may well be worth your investment even if it is a extra to get the kid out with a degree. You do have to pick your battles with your kids.</p>
<p>Thanks to everyone for your invaluable input into this dilemma. The son has apparently made the decision on his own to attend the state uni and is putting a positive spin on it. He heard from the last OSS, but it came without any money. He also knew that there would be stiff loans that he himself would have to pay off if he attended an OSS.</p>
<p>He plans to excel at the state uni academically and to transfer as soon as possible to an LAC which has encouraged him to do so. His parents support him in his decision and congratulate him for honoring the original agreement. His most immediate concern is that freshmen cannot have cars on campus, which would curtail his getting away on weekends, but he will find off-campus parking somewhere so that he can get home easily and visit friends on other campuses.</p>
<p>It remains to be seen if he will get serious about his studies so that he can transfer, but that is something only he can determine. It's not a particularly happy ending to a comfortable high school career, but he will be going off to a highly regarded college -- and not continuing high school at a large rah-rah OSS. He will have to grow up, probably earlier than he hoped, but isn't that what college is also about? If he proves himself at the state uni, he can then decide to transfer or to remain where he is. I wish him much success in his goals and like his parents, congratulate him on his decision.</p>
<p>It sounds like his decision is the first step toward the growing up he will eventually have to face.</p>
<p>Hopefully it works. Sometimes it does. My good friend's D graduated from U of Il after a prolonged situation with a private school which was where she wanted to go but the financial/merit aid could not be worked out. The family could have subsidized the difference but they just did not think it was worth it and laid down the ultimatum that she go to Uof Il, which she did. Still it was not a happy resolution. She did however very quickly get to love the school, excelled there and graduated. She found a great job thereafter and is now applying to law school. Very happy ending to the college saga.</p>
<p>So it certainly can work out. The problem is that it often does not. If you look at the 4, even 6 year grad stats of some of these schools, it is frightening. Yes, some of those kids transferred elsewhere and did graduate, but most did not. And what the numbers do not tell is the misery component of the situation both on part of the student and the family. It is a big plus to have the kid really wanting to go to the school and not "settling" especially if he is a risk factor from the onset. Better to spend $10K more that year and have him get through the year successfully than blow it and waste all of that time and money. And some kids are just so great at blaming anything they can. "Didn't want to go here anyways." is a refrain I often hear. Our son picked a school that I did not feel was well suited to him. We were willing to pay double to send him to a school better suited as we felt he had a lot of risk factors. And sure enough, the issues arose, and he was miserable and he made us miserable too as a parent is as happy as his unhappiest child. He did not do well enough to transfer anywhere except to an open enrollment or a non degree program and his athletic status was an issue as well. So he felt stuck there, which in a sense he was as any move elsewhere would not get him into any better of a situation. But he was keenely aware that it was his choice, and I do believe, knowing him as I do that he would not have stuck it out had it been our choice rather than his, as he did have one particularly rough term that he had to make up over the summer, and he was just trembling with hate about his situation. My friend's D that I discussed above was one of the students that you felt comfortable about excelling anywhere. My son was not in that category. </p>
<p>I do believe that what one makes of the situation is more important than where that situation is and what it is, but that is not often the case with young people who are still struggling to develop that philosophy within them. Some will get there with maturity. Some never will. Unfortunately failure at a time when they are still blaming external factor for internal short falls reinforces the belief that things could have been different had their decision been honored. I wish your friend's son good luck, and hope indeed that he grows up a little bit. It takes a long time with some of them. I am struggling with two of them myself at this time. My nephew was 24 before he was emotionally and mentally 18. Now at age 30, he has acquired and uses the wisdom needed to navigate life's journies on his own. It was a long rough road for him and time was the thing he needed the most.</p>