<p>mazatl, I understand you don’t ask for advice but just want to discuss a theoretical question… Well, I have three kids: two of them are perfectionists, the third is… errr… well, one of those “brilliant underachievers who don’t give a damn”, you can find plenty of threads about them here on this board. Same expectations, same family, same school requirements, same teachers… you get my drift. Nothing worked. Ever. No cartoons until the homework is done? No playdates? No sport? That’s fine, he can do without. Easily. The only thing I never tried was reading: I remember all too well that for me as a kid it was a real “cruel and unusual punishment”. I think I would rather go without food than without books; it was not the case with this child (at the time), but I could never bring myself to try it anyway. </p>
<p>Well, I only tried to push him because he chose to go to school, and homework was his obligation, “part of the package deal”. By the time the “black sheep” was 10, we moved into a school district where homework was not expected by the school itself (“it’s your choice, but you will have to face the consequences”) - sooo… I washed my hands and decided to let him be. I knew he was reading a lot and picking up his education outside of school. He was readily facing the consequences (what’s the big difference which letters are there in the grade report?), but somehow he was getting better and better and by the time he went to college he had about the same “work ethic” as his siblings. Was it ADD? Who knows…</p>
<p>There was a moment when one of the perfectionists behaved just like his brother. That was when we switched schools, and he was placed two grades below his level (where he “belonged” according to the school district policy). Oooh, just one month was enough to get rid of all the perfectionism, motivation, work ethics, whatever… Yes, he did try to do the work just because it’s the school work that has to be done. He could not. His brain was just blocking it, completely. It was a big lesson for me: up until than, I was sure that I had a kid who was a perfect student capable of learning in any school environment. Everything came back (well, almost… experiences like that can be quite damaging) when he could work at his level again.</p>
<p>And then, there’s this problem with perfectionists: they are greedy. They sometimes bite off more than they can chew, and they refuse to spit it. Then they start to procrastinate because they feel they can’t do the work perfectly… and that can turn out ugly, too. </p>
<p>So, from my experience, the motivation and all those other things come within, but it all depends heavily on the current environment. If a kid has to do work that is significantly below his level (or overwhelmingly higher), one can expect problems even if the kid has all those fine qualities. If the work is appropriate (preferably, interesting, too), then “black sheeps” can do quite impressive work.</p>