At the core of any good dialogue is not the ability to talk louder than another person but rather the ability to listen calmly to diverse perspectives. You can always learn more by listening to other points of view, especially those you disagree with. Spend as much time as possible listening to what other people have to say, even when you are sure of your position. Understanding and appreciating others’ positions is the first step in persuading people to accept yours.
Adapted from Libuse Binder, Ten Ways to Change the World in Your Twenties
Assignment: Is listening more important than speaking when you are trying to persuade others? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
The auditory capability known as listening is invariably holds more value than speaking when convincing others. Individuals who try to sway the minds of an audience only through voicing their opinions often experience regression, and thus, learn that hearing their opponents and derailing their claims leads to progression. The benefits of listening by thoroughly hearing out an argument or statement are demonstrated through the confident, determined acts of Ralph in William Golding’s LOTF.
or
In many debates, people attempt to sway the audience just by explaining their points with concision and talking over their opponents. However, the act of reiteration and simple language will not allow one to emerge victorious. Indeed, those who manage to properly change the opinions or mindsets of others demonstrate use of effective rhetoric by listening and addressing their opponent’s claims rather than speaking incessantly. The benefits of listening by thoroughly hearing out an argument or statement are demonstrated through the confident, determined acts of Ralph in William Golding’s LOTF.
I prefer the 2nd one. When you said “The auditory capability known as listening,” I felt like you were trying too hard to sound smart and it backfired; also “listening is invariably holds” should just be “listening invariably holds”
What would you score each forgiving the “listening is invariably holds” mistake?
Well if I was skimming like the graders do, I would give both a 6/6
Umm…the second one is so much better than the first one it’s as if they were written by two different people. The first one would be like a 1 or 2 out of 6, the second would be like a 5 or 6 out of 6. It’s much better to use brevity in your writing and compose a paragraph that is sensical and comprehensible to the reader, rather than stringing together a bunch of stilted, overly wordy run-on sentences that are both grammatically and contextually incorrect. Look up the definitions of the words “regression”, “derailing”, and “progression”, then read the first paragraph and see if it makes sense. I can assure you that it does not. Don’t try to write outside your skill level, the only one who will be impressed is some random poster above me on this collegeconfidential.com forum that I somehow happened to stumble upon while looking up information for my sorority. I have now decided to play a fun game where I grade people’s terrible essays. I’m not sure if or when I will return to this site again after the novelty of this “game” undoubtedly wears off in about an hour or so, but hopefully someone else will eventually stumble along and help you out. Also, you should write out the full title “Lord of the Flies”, rather than using the informal acronym “LOTF”. I also can’t believe you even remember anything specific that even happened in “LOTF” other than…that one part…when the reason for the book’s namesake title is revealed…if you could remember and cite specific details from any book, especially that one, I’m sure bonus points would be warranted. Well, I’m off to find a new victim. Goodbye.
If you are asking which is the better intro, I’d say the second, since it is directed more at communicating an idea rather than impressing the reader with the intellect of the writer. As a result, the second is more concrete and, although a bit redundant, is also developed with more detail. The first leaves it to the reader to puzzle out the writer’s point regarding regression and progression, and once that’s done, the reader finds that the idea is really quite simple.
As far as rating a ‘score’ for each, I would say the second creates a better impression of the writer in the mind of the reader, and for that reason is more effective rhetorically. However, the score of the essay is going to be much more dependent on the content of the body of the essay. If the ideas are developed beyond a few obvious points, the essay is more likely to score in the higher ranges. Beyond the score level of 3 - 4 (of 6), grammar and paragraphing are usually not a problem. Development of ideas, effective sentence structure and appropriate vocabulary are the issues that usually come into play at 4 - 5 level essays, and touches of original insight and expression raise scores from 5 to 6.
The quality of the intro is one piece among many that determine a score. And since the scores are rated holistically, two essays can have widely different flaws and strengths yet end up with the same score.