<p>Hello all!
I wanted to get someone's opinion on my college essays for the Common App.</p>
<p>Please if you would, read and tell me which essay is the best. Feel free to make comments on what should be done to them or any mistakes made.</p>
<p>Any feed back will be appreciated. Thanks!</p>
<p>ESSAY #1</p>
<pre><code> I am a perfectionist. Since I was little, I would always start over little crafts or colorings if they were not perfect. I have to finish something with my greatest effort or else I have to do it over again until it is superb. All my years in school, I could complete assignment perfectly every time. Though it took me a while, I would always get it done the way I wanted it. I had never made below B on almost anything in my life until senior year.
I had signed up for all the most strenuous AP classes available; calculus, biology, government, etc. Junior year tested my work load limit quite well, and I had just singed my death wish by taking the bull by the horns. Choosing to take on a full AP schedule was one of the best and worst choices I have ever made in that point in my life.
The first three weeks were taxing but I managed to handle it quite well, at least I thought I was. My friends pointed out that I was not sleeping or eating as I normally should. At one point, I had not slept for three days straight. I studying myself to death and I invested all my time and energy to make my laborious schedule work. After a while, my grades started slipping because I was heavily sleep deprived and somewhat dehydrated.
I was not performing how I usually do; I realized I was slowly becoming a zombie. Trying to do all of my work at an A level like I normally do was not possible anymore. I physically couldnt take this beating of my moral whip any longer. I had a decision to make; take one or two classes of a lower level, which was alien to me, or continue this unnecessary thrashing of my mind and body.
I felt torn and bewildered. I had a mindset that if I did not take all of the most challenging classes, I would be considered lazy and a failure. However, I needed to find away to alleviate some of my stress but I didnt want to break my number one rule; do not degrade yourself by not taking a basic class. I realized that what I was doing was not healthy and I needed to set more realistic goals. Im not a robot after all.
I stepped out of comfort zone on the fourth week of school because I had an epiphany; it is better to do a few things competently, than to do an abundance of things mediocre. So, I decided to break my one rule and take two basic classes. The effort I put into all the classes was certainly enough to prove to myself I am not a failure.
Taking on such a rigorous schedule help me understand what my physical limits are and that one doesnt need to drain his/herself in order to be successful.
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<h2><em>Not formal enough?</em></h2>
<p>Essay #2</p>
<pre><code> Have you ever asked yourself, Will I lose someone I love today? Very few do individuals think such morbid thoughts. If it has ever crossed you mind then you would understand why I believe gun control laws should be altered. There are plenty of positive aspects to my community such as the education system, homeless shelters, and the overall municipal government, but one thing I would improve is to make the process of obtaining a firearm more difficult and the types of guns allowed in each state should be regulated as well; no one needs a one hundred round magazine for an assault rifle in suburban neighborhoods. The last thing I would amend to the current laws is where you should be able to use firearms. By doing so, crime rates would fall and accidental shootings would be less frequent.
The second amendment states that Americans have the right
to keep and bear Arms, (and) shall not be infringed. Keep in mind that this was written at the end of the eighteenth century and it is now the twenty-first. In context our founding fathers did not have fully automatic machine guns that could mow down a crowd in a matter of seconds. They had muzzleloaders that could only fire a single bullet at a time. While, much has changed over the past two hundred years the gun laws have managed to stay relatively the same. The founding fathers never knew that Americans would possess such power at our fingertips, literally. They wrote this decree without the knowledge of future technology, which is why I believe states should regulate gun ownership and the type of gun one can possess.
Crime rates, in the U.S. and neighboring countries, would plunge undoubtedly if states made the process of obtaining a gun more strenuous. Gun shows make it incredibly easy to purchase a copious amount of guns without question. Some are resold to those who cannot acquire a gun license or are smuggled across the border to Mexico, where gun ownership is illegal. Revision of laws would not only make the United States safer, it would safeguard others as well. Viewing issues on a world basis is important because caring exclusively about your countrys well being is a bit selfish.
Lastly, I would include where you should be allowed to fire guns for recreation. This applies directly to my local community because in my city you are allowed to hunt relatively close to school grounds in residential neighborhoods. I observed this trait because I live no more than two hundred meters for an elementary school and a greenbelt resides behind my house where people are allowed to hunt freely. I believe the safety of students and my family should be taken into consideration when defining where one can hunt.
In brief, one thing that I would change in my community is gun control laws because it is too easy to obtain a firearm, which puts peoples safety at risk.
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<p><em>To radical?</em>
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Essay #3</p>
<pre><code> I pay close attention to the little things in life and I am not saying Im a petty person at all. Vince Van Gogh once said Great things are done by a series of small things brought together. I agree one hundred percent with him; all of the small things that so many are blind to can add up to be immensely greater than the one great thing that that person did. I believe that my father and my uncle Luis have impacted my life in this way. They helped me further define who I really am and what I aspire to be in my future. The two have encouraged me to achieve goals that I never thought were possible.
My father is the type of person who always expects the utmost best from anything that I do and for that, I thank him. If it were not of him, I would have had little to no motivation to do well in school. I have always wanted to please my parents, specifically my dad, because I wanted to feel accepted and loved by them. To him the most important aspect of my life was education. Neither of my parents went to college, so he wanted to see me succeed and lead a better life than they had. Some days when I missed the bus, he would be late to his job to make sure that I wasnt. He would always try to find the best way for me to accomplish something, whether it is school, or work, or something as simple as mowing the lawn efficiently. These small acts have impacted my life greatly because it has taught me how to manage my time efficiently, how to work my hardest at whatever it is I do, and to strive to do better than what I had previously done.
My most memorable moment Ive had with my dad was the night before my first day of high school. I was incredibly nervous because I had no idea what to expect. After dinner I was near quaking; the first day in a new school stress had finally kicked in. My dad approached me and sat me down at our kitchen table. I sat across from him with my head in my hands in worry and told me two things that I have never forgotten and probably never will. He told me dont ever quit. Once you start something, dont ever quit, along with, do not be afraid to ask questions, if you dont ask you will never know. I felt like a balloon filled with stress that was slowly, but surely, deflating. These words of wisdom immeasurably impacted my life and compelled me to be more involved in learning.
Another individual that has impacted my life is my uncle Luis because he is an excellent role model and an even better friend. Luis is the youngest on my fathers side of the family. Although he is the youngest, he is already more successful than his other six brothers and sisters. Luis is the person in my life that brought me out of my shell and encouraged me to be what I want to be. Before Luis was a big part of my life, I was a bit modest and shy. He had the audacity and the time to embolden me because I definitely needed it. A time that stands out to me, when I was with him, was about thanksgiving time last year. He took me shopping for winter clothes, and noticed I was buying stuff I would never wear. Not saying he was judging me, but he knew that the style of clothes I was buying was not normal for me; he understood me that well. I was buying clothes that would please the likes of others, but not for myself. He questioned why I was buying these clothes that were outlandish for my personality. I stupidly said I dont really know, even though I did. Clearly they didnt suit my personality well. He asked me, Are you buying clothes that you like or are you buying them to impress others, you should get what you like if thats the case? I had a revelation that moment. Why was doing things that wouldnt make me happy? Only then I realized that I was in the wrong. I needed to do things that would make me happy, not what get me so called friends. Luis has impacted my life greatly by being an amazing role model and good friend when I needed it.
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<p><em>to boring?</em></p>
<hr>
<p>ESSAY #4</p>
<pre><code> What a mess! Toothpicks scattered all over my desk, my floor, and my books. Approaching soft footsteps ended with a near silent knock at my door. My mother peeked in my room in an almost cartoonish way.
I explained to her how I was going to build a bridge that withstands ten pounds. She pretended to be interested, but I knew she wasnt. I appreciated her display of caring. My parents were always involved with my schooling; they encouraged me to put in maximum effort to reach my full potential. Neither of them went to college, so I aspire to lead a more ambitious life. I dont want to live paycheck to paycheck. Theyd few speed bumps and detours that prevented them from achieving success. This is why I continuously push myself to do my best.
I spent a plethora of hours on the bridge. I was hungry for the feeling of having the best bridge in class and to taste that success is what I strive for. Each toothpick of that bridge was as important as the next. If one part is slightly off, the entire bridge will be inconsistent. Ive found this comparable to dedication to things in life. If you start slacking off in one part, the other components will follow that example. My favorite principle was said by Charles Dickens. Minds, like bodies, will often fall into a pimpled, ill-conditioned state from mere excess of comfort.
The completed bridge was neither extravagant nor intricate; it was humble. I knew that structure and design of the bridge would withstand more than expected. This is similar to challenges I have faced in my life, just because I am Hispanic doesnt mean I am incapable of achieving greatness of the highest degree. The thirst for that unforeseen success drives me to work diligently at anything and everything I do.
Knees weak and my arms heavy, I hauled the bridge to physics class. This bridge represents my aspirations. I want to pursue a career in engineering; this was a perfect representation of how I work to improve something and make it more efficient. My bridge was the last to be judged. Palms sweaty, I got up and placed the ten pound weights on top of the bridge. It sustained the weight without bending. Relief! One, three, six more! My shakes transformed from a nervous quake to excited trembles. As I watched it bent into a contorted parabola shape, my anxiety increased. Finally, there was an earsplitting snap! It sustained seventy pounds, the greatest amount in the class. My thirst for tremendous success was now quenched. The feelings associated with achieving success from going above and beyond the expectation cannot be explained.
I want to reinforce my life with a superb education and meritorious accolades thatll provide me with more financial security that my parents have. This challenge helped me realize to set goals higher than what is expected and that greatness can come from humble beginnings.
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<p>Thank you again for reading!</p>