Can folks on CC sell me on boarding school? I am no stranger to boarding school. I attended (and loved it) and my daughter graduated last year (and hated it). Even though she was miserable and called/texted a thousand times, she now claims it was an important formative experience and her younger brother must go. I wonder? Am I holding on to him because he is my last? Please present the pros and cons. I’d love to hear some ideas that I have not considered.Thanks.
Its not about what you want, or your DD wants, its what HE wants. If he does not want to pursue it, then I would not push it at all. Vacakid drove this bus completely, his Dad is not at all happy but will write a check if someone accepts him. He is my very last of 4 (17 years younger than his oldest brother). I just hope if he gets in anywhere, that he is happy with HIS choice.
bsalum: why did your daughter hate it while she was there?
Here are the reasons why we and our DC are looking at BS.
- We believe that the Gladchemms offer superior academics and peer groups vs our DS options.
- We are not willing to drive any distance for DS because kids are so busy that to spend even an hour a day in the car seems a waste. The closest DS are quite good but not stellar.
- Our kids have always gone to private schools and we did not want DC to go to the LPS. It's highly regarded but we prefer schools that are not bound by the current PS agenda
- We believe kids at BS simply spend more time learning and studying than at DS, because they are immersed in it.
- We believe the top BS are filled, largely, with the kinds of kids we would want ours to befriend.
- We believe that networks and communities are valuable, and that you will build much deeper bonds in BS then you will when you are a few years older in college.
- We believe that the range of ECs at BS are excellent
- The facilities of the top BS rival many colleges and universities.
- Our DC matured very early and has zero issues with independence and self-reliance etc so we feel confident about that aspect
- Our DC has always wanted to go to BS, as a first step to being on their own, and is very enthusiastic
- We trust our DC
- Because of our location and schedules, we can visit with our child or attend school events fairly easily; we probably would not consider BS if it were a plane ride away
- We think BS, because of the closeness of faculty, teaches kids to engage authority figures with confidence and poise; valuable in college and in careers
We do not, however, want to go to any BS just for the sake of BS. We are full pay and we are not willing to spend the incremental moneys for BS over DS, or give up the time and degree of control we now have, unless we felt the benefit was very significant. For that reason we are almost exclusively considering Gladchemms.
I went trru the negatives in a thread about the upside of a disappointing M10. Here it is, below. These are the cons of BS,
"I agree, the upside to BS rejections are many.
- As a parent you get 4 more years with your child
- You save a lot of money -- the private DS DC applied to is probably 100k less over the 4 years
- They may have a better shot at elite colleges because they will have a higher class rank.
- They will almost certainly have a higher GPA
- It might be less stressful for them. They have their whole lives to be stressed out and overworked!
- Right now I can't even imagine my kid getting derailed by alcohol, drugs etc, but I know it does happen. If my kid is at home I feel I have better control over that risk. We are a close family and we are very involved in the DS and we know those families, too. It may be illusory but it feels like more control if they are home.
- They finally have a setback to write about in essays!"
6TeenSearch such an accurate anslysis of pros and cons. You really summed up the realities of the situation/ good luck in your journey!
Thank you Vegas. Alas, now that i have made two lists and juxtaposed them, it is harder to convince myself that I won’t be really disappointed if M10 ends badly. Good thing I keep all this to myself. Like someone said elsewhere, DH and DC are so over this process, but my type A personality can’t believe there is nothing proactive for us to do anymore!
It is all about the individual child. I attended a selective admission public boarding school for junior and senior year. It was a great fit and changed my life in many ways even though I went to a state university, not an elite institution for college. My oldest daughter is currently a junior at the same school. It is now a 3 year school so she started as a sophomore. She has excelled far beyond what I did and it has been a great fit as well. She has had difficult days and weeks as would be expected but we know it was the right choice for her.
Her younger sister doesn’t want to go and that is probably the correct answer. I look at it as parent and child have a veto. We can say no even she wants to go if we believe it’s a poor fit either academically or socially but so can she. I think the personality of the school must match to the child as well.
@6teenSearch – That is a great list. I would point out that several of your points are specific to your physical location or desire not to drive more than an hour. In the Greater Boston area, there are several day schools that are arguably as tough academically as any of the HADES schools. Additionally some of the other pro’s for BS would also apply to these DS in this specific region including EC, faculty credentials, facilities, peers, etc.
Thank you all for your wonderful advice! I really appreciate it . As many noted, it is ultimately my son’s choice. I always said never send a child who doesn’t want to go. Ironically, that is what happened to our daughter and perhaps that’s why she never embraced it fully while attending. We were moving during her 8th grade year and she was about to head to a far away land. We couldn’t even find an English-speaking school. @AppleNotFar The other reasons aren’t completely clear to me because I get a nebulous response from my daughter, but I suspect it’s a combination of the stress, being forced to grow up quickly, being surrounded by amazing people (who in most instances became wonderful friends but also added to the pressure as my daughter most certainly compared herself to them). I was a very different adolescent- I didn’t have strong self esteem going in so I assumed everyone was better than me and I just tried to be the best I could be. It saved me a lot of anguish but this isn’t something that can be taught.
@6teenSearch that was a helpful list. Thank you. During this waiting game, it helpful to read posts like this and to relax and let it all play out.
@bsalum I think the advice given has been great. I do want to add food for thought. My kids could not be more opposite. One thing they have in common is they both want boarding school. It comes down to knowing your child both emotionally and as a student. I have a friend that pushes her kids into things they don’t want because she believes they don’t know because they have not been exposed to it. She believes not to discredit what you are not knowledgeable about. I see her points, but take a different approach. I expose, inform and ask. Once I see they are aware of the pros and cons or just have a clearer picture of what is entailed, I let them think on it by asking questions that will help them see what they really want and sometimes what they need. It does not always work, but it helps for sure.
So, though I don’t know how exposed your youngest has been to “boarding school”, it is good to find out if he knows what he wants or is able to make that decision based on facts. Outside of finding the “right fit” of the school, finding if it will be the best educational and developmental process for him is key.
Within the course of an year, my child’s attitude toward BS has changed from “No way, are you kidding me?” to “I’ll die if I don’t board, I don’t care where!” In terms of expenses, we need so much FA that attending DS or BS will end up costing the same. If she is admitted to BS without FA, she just won’t attend - can’t afford it.
@GoatMama: it’s funny. Mine went from simply blasé to beyond excited. When I gently say let’s not get too excited we don’t know what will happen I get a pretty calm I know I know…I am dreading the cold water splash of life. I forget: you have a good local school? Yes?
@Center Zero LPS options, but she got admitted to a great local BS as a day student, with 55% FA. So yes, there is a soft pillow to fall back on.
@GoatMama Now I remember. Very soft pillow. Wonderful.