Why Caltech is different--an open letter

Colleges and Universities A-Z California Institute of Technology
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<p>First, Wearefive, please accept my profound condolences for the loss of your son. I can’t really imagine the pain and anger you must be feeling.</p>

<p>Based on what I have pieced together from various sources, it appears that the administration is extremely serious about ensuring the safety of the students, to the extent that students are a bit shocked at the loss of many longheld traditions that were not perceived by them to involve true danger. I have offered the counsel to watch and wait and let things settle and that young adults in college don’t suddenly need no guidance or supervision and to be thankful that someone is looking out for you. The message was well received. I truly believe matters will settle out well. These are not ignorant people.</p>

<p>Also, every student has an easy way to opt in to having their parents able to get private information, and my own student readily signed it. I explained that everyone needs someone who will drop everything and fight for their well-being if they are in an accident or become overwhelmed. I don’t know how that is handled on the Caltech end of things, but I also feel that it doesn’t hurt to ask your student to give their roommate or close friend your contact info and explicit permission to call you if your student is sick, despondent or otherwise in need of your advocacy and help.</p>

<p>Now, I would like to share my impression of life at Caltech. A certain large part of any student’s experience will be tied yo his or her personal choices and ability to handle the academic and emotional rigor. I don’t feel it’s the ideal place for someone prone to depression because of the intense workload and extreme rigor. Having said that, my student is extremely happy there. In high school, he was gregarious and productive, but he had to dumb down what he said and found no intellectual peers. Though he might deny that from humility, he would be alone in that opinion. To be himself, he needed to be at Caltech. He forever had intended to go to MIT, but after visiting simply found Caltech was his natural match. He is happier being consumed with intense learning than with having a more typical college load. Further, he intensely enjoys his house culture, which is different than what your son experienced.</p>

<p>As for respect for girls, they are to him first classmates and dormmates. That is the way he has always treated girls–as equals. Sure, he notices them just as they notice guys. But, the sign you mentioned would not be something he would support. You will have a range of maturity among the boys, but I’m not likely to be the only mom whole raised my son to treat females as people first. If I had a daughter interested in engineering, Caltech would be my top recommendation if she had the ability to do the work.</p>

<p>I personally visited other schools my son was considering, and I see Caltech as the most wholesome and least likely place for a student to fall through the cracks. The caveat is the rigor and the way it will emotional challenge most students. It’s not a good choice for vulnerable student, in my opinion, only because of the rigor. But the world needs a few places like this to train a certain type of student.</p>

<p>I agree that any student at risk of harming themselves must be protected, and part of that should be immediate parental notification. I would want to know, and I guarantee that I’d be on the first plane to LAX if I ever got that call. </p>

<p>One thing I did when I learned of the suicides at MIT, Cornell, and Caltech was to discuss with my son what his options were should he ever feel overwhelmed, should feel it’s not worth it, or should feel he’s not going to cut it. Though I don’t think my son is particularly vulnerable, I felt out of due diligence that I wanted to have an agreement with him on what his actions would be if he ever felt that way. His attitude assured me that while he was thrilled to finally be challenged academically, success at Caltech or any college or the affections of a particular woman were not things he would risk his life for. </p>

<p>I don’t think we can ever guarantee our kids’ safety once they. are too big to carry on our hips. It may not sooth the pain or end the anger now, but I hope that you are able over time that pain and anger over the loss of a dearly loved son will develop into a knowledge that you brought greater awareness and a comfort in who he was and what part you had in creating that in him. I personally don’t think our lives end when our bodies stop. </p>

<p>In the meantime, know that you have been heard and I will keep you close in spirit as you struggle to heal over time and through advocacy.</p>

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<p>Pardon all the typos above. My phone doesn’t let me see much when typing and loves to change my words and add words.</p>

144

<p>They should have called us. Our son was healthy when he went off to college. We had no signs that he was suicidal. They may not be ignorant, but smart is as smart does, and they were immoral in their dealings with my son. The California Board of Psychology called their actions “morally repugnant.” Fine, Caltech is just right for many people, not for everyone. I’m glad your son is happy. Thanks for the sympathy. I have nothing more to say about Caltech. What they did was wrong. “I agree that any student at risk of harming themselves must be protected, and part of that should be immediate parental notification. I would want to know, and I guarantee that I’d be on the first plane to LAX if I ever got that call.” Then, you agree with me, so pls don’t patronize me and tell me to get over my son’s death when he may very well have been alive had they called. I have made great strides in coming to terms with my anger, and glad that I am not the Ultimate Judge. Because of my son’s death and perhaps because of my posts, you have benefitted from the opportunity to speak with your son about these issues and Caltech has the opportunity to change. If my son had to die so others might benefit, so be it. But pls don’t imply that my son was somehow damaged goods when he arrived there. He gave a lot to that school and his classmates, and when he cried out for help, they listened to a suicidally depressed person that he didn’t want to be transported to the hospital. I’m done, pls. You have your son and your beloved Caltech. Leave me in peace now, pls.</p>

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<p>And my son loved his house, Page House. He was the president. Simply put, they made a mistake letting the son of this mother die without a phone call to us. They messed with the wrong family and the wrong mother if they thought they could make me not speak out about our experience. Why don’t you and your son and everyone else protest this non-disclosure-to-parents stance taken by the university when they say on their website that they would disclose in an emergency, but didn’t?</p>

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<p>Im sorry that my sympathy and hopes for healing were not read as intended, but I understand that its very difficult for people who don’t know eachother to hear eachother accurately, especially when there is tragedy involved. Its truly impossible to objectively discuss this topic which involves confidential matters and legal issues that have not been presented here and that would truly not be appropriate to discuss here. In my attempt to comfort, I stepped into an area where these issues could not be appropriately resolved. I have since learned a bit more and realize how difficult it is for any college to both protect the rights of young legal adults attending and also protect them from themselves. Having known other fine individuals from Caltech, I continue to support the school as one of the finest institutions in the world. Last night, my son spontaneously commented on how he is constantly amazed at how kind, caring, and competent all the staff he’s encountered have been. I too have experienced that. I have found Caltech staff at all levels from the cleaning staff to the president to be gracious, patient, personally invested in responding to any issue brought to them, and competent. My son returned very healthy and very happy–just a bit tired from finals and his very early morning flight. </p>

<p>As before, my sympathies are much greater than can be expressed, and I hope for healing over time.</p>

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<p>I suggest that a new thread be started to discuss the differences between Caltech and other schools that might be considered by the same students. The original intent of this thread was to give students objective information and balanced testimony to assist in making application and selection choices. The issues of parental notification versus student rights is a legal one that all colleges wrestle with. All colleges face tragedy when legal adults make devastating but rare choices. It is valid for each college to look at options to prevent, but these dilemmas are not unique to any school. To be fair to students trying to make informed choices, a discussion comparing and contrasting Caltech and other schools would be helpful. If someone starts one, please post the link to that discussion here.</p>

<p>Along those lines, I would like to note that visiting colleges can make a huge difference and help make a better decision. Some students focus for years on a particular school and then discover that another school is a better fit. Without visiting, they likely would not know that. It was my son’s visit during Prefrosh Weekend that changed his mind about where he would attend. The larger school he had been considering is awesome but less collaborative and easier to be anonymous in, and the same smaller school l was tight knit and supportive but less challenging. For my son, Caltech was just right, but he would not have known it without visiting the schools in question including Caltech. I made career and financial sacrifice to visit with my son. This helped because I was able to ask him questions about things he had not considered but agreed when asked were important. That made a difference.</p>

<p>In the meantime, with or without specific incidents to react to, I would encourage all students to designate a trusted and dependable adult, preferably one with significant life experience, to have permission to access your private information. For most students, this will be a parent, but it could be someone else. It should be someone you don’t fear telling anything, though they might be disappointed. It could even be a counselor from your hometown or from your college town. Everyone needs someone who would drop everything and be there for you. It doesn’t mean you’re not an adult. It means you are one. Remember that life experience matters in this choice. Pick someone who would know what to do in a difficult situation and who would be able to effectively advocate for you. Don’t look at confidentiality waivers as giving up your new adult independence. They exist to give your college freedom to let your chosen person help you if needed, such as if you were in an accident or contracted a serious infectious disease. There is only so much any college can do, so set up a personal safety net.</p>

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<p>I have just received this message and want to post it here. I am also crying tears of joy as I write. I am so grateful to the graduate students who began the chapter of Active Minds at Caltech and grateful to Kevin Austin for doing the right thing.
[Student</a> Group Aims to Highlight the Importance of Mental Health - Caltech Features](<a href=“http://features.caltech.edu/features/267]Student”>http://features.caltech.edu/features/267)</p>

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<p>This is wonderful news, WeAreFive! Thank-you for letting us know that Caltech is attempting to make things better for current and future students.</p>

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<p>Remember, though, that their official stance is that they will not call you or any parent, even if a student attempts suicide on campus. So, this is a step in the right direction, and especially powerful because it is a peer-to-peer organization, but it is still important to be very wary of the decisions any college makes regarding the welfare of students. Personal safety nets, holistic self-care, self-advocacy, and going to an off-campus mental health professional are all very good ideas. Caveat emptor, and be well.</p>

151

<p>So I usually don’t post to forums, but I think this is an important enough issue that I actually decided to go through the process of registering specifically to address the concerns here. </p>

<p>I am a female student in the Caltech Class of 2012. In my four years here, I have to say that if you are a female interested in math and science, you are probably not going to find a better school in terms of how the male students treat you and respect you. There is none of the “Girls can’t do math” or “You only got in because you are a girl” attitude present at so many other schools here. All students- guys and girls alike- respect each other because we understand that you have to be good at math and science to get into Caltech. I’m treated as a peer and equal by both male and female students, and I have a large amount of interaction with both genders. My sister (who goes to a state school) tells horror stories about people who are raped in her building, but nothing like that happens here. Are guys going to make a crude joke from time to time? Of course! You’re not going to find a single school where that doesn’t happen, but I feel like warning prospective students off because of a single picture is unfair to the school and the students. </p>

<p>Additionally, in terms of safety in general, you are probably not going to find many places safer than Caltech. I feel comfortable walking around campus alone at 2:00 in the morning (though I would never leave campus alone at this hour). I leave my computer out in the lounge and when I come back a couple hours later, it will still be there (though if I leave it unlocked, someone might have played a harmless prank on it). As for the whole deal with not calling 911, it has nothing to do with not wanting to get the authorities involved and everything to do with wanting to get the right people to the right place as quickly as possible. I had a medical emergency my freshman year, and I called 5000 as instructed. Security was at my door within a minute or two, and as soon as they realized what was going on, they called the paramedics and had them in the right spot within minutes. Caltech is not trying to avoid helping people.</p>

<p>I personally think the house/hovse system is the best part of Caltech. It gives you an instant group of close friends and provides the support network that you need. I have always felt perfectly comfortable in my hovse, and I work to make sure everyone else does, too. I feel that hovse members genuinely care about one another. It is what makes life at one of the toughest institutions in the world bearable. It’s great to be able to go into the lounge at two in the morning when I really don’t want to work on my problem set and to discuss quantum physics or molecular biology with someone. It’s an environment that I don’t think I would be able to find anywhere else, something I’ve realized in talking to my friends at other institutions. </p>

<p>Of course, Caltech does have its faults. I can complain bitterly about the long nights doing problem sets and the weeks where I averaged four hours of sleep or less. But that’s what I wanted. I came to Caltech for a challenge, and I’ve received it here. And yes, the administration does have its faults, but they have tried to treat us like adults (though this has changed somewhat now) for which I will be forever grateful. This attitude helped me to grow up, to find my own way, to make my own mistakes and learn from them. I feel that most administrators, especially Dean Green and Dean Hall, were supportive of me throughout my years at Caltech. Sure, they made mistakes, but we all do, and I truly believe their hearts were in the right place. Admittedly, this is only my perspective, but I thought I would share it.</p>

152

<p>My son planned to go to MIT since he was thirteen. He liked the academics there, but he preferred to smaller, more connected atmosphere at Carnegie Mellon. He said he would not go to Caltech because of the lack of balance with the heavy focus in science and math. However, after visiting all three, he easily picked Caltech, saying “The kids there are like me” and commenting on the pleasant, easy to manage campus, waited house dinners at the same time each night and the collaborative environment which are both much more like homeschool versus the weather, size, city feel, comoetitive environment, and access to food issues at MIT. MIT and Caltech are great schools, but Caltech offered the right mix for him for undergraduate. He loves visiting Hollywood and going to the beach and would have loved Boston it Pittsburgh, but Caltech’s flip flop and shorts uniform, small dorms with four year membership, and honor code makes the extremely rigorous workload possible. He discovered that he really was better suited to science research than engineering, and Caltech is an ideal location for the topics he wants to study and the research he wants to do as an undergraduate. He describes himself as “extremely happy.” He is carrying an excessive load this term, so we will see how his grades turn out, but passing at Caltech is like getting straight A’s at many strong universities. Other than the workload, he’s not stressed at Caltech, and his only stresses about the workload are that he took too many hours and is still fine-tuning his efficiency. He participates in social activities regularly, organized and not, has a steady girlfriend, and regularly engages in discussions with students at all academics levels. Caltech really was the best school for him. We almost felt guilty accepting the free trip to visit, but it made all the difference. Definitely visit Caltech if you are accepted. My son had decided to accept at MIT and but was considering CMU for the environment despite less potential challenge and fewer challenging options. Visiting Caltech helped him realize that he could get both the rigor and options he wanted academically and the smaller, more connected living and social atmosphere. Also, though this was not an issue for him, the housing quality is more consistent at Caltech. We both liked that there seemed to be less of a party atmosphere at Caltech but that there is still a lot of socializing and awesome, theme based officially sponsored parties put in by the students with very cool structures and amusing activities. He is learning to build safe structures and make machines that do cool things like making foam to surf on in the courtyard. Current students, feel free to correct my perceptions. I get my information from my son and from photos his friends post on Facebook. ( ;</p>

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<p>I should add that I visited all three schools with my son, and I attended different sessions than he did most of the time. We compared notes. I am really glad I did that despite endangering my job with the absences. For example, he had picked a dorm at MIT that I noticed had a LOT of hard liquor bottles, sinks full if dirty dishes, and large numbers of gamers. They had no food service and weren’t near stores or cafeterias. I asked him why he picked that dorm, and he said it was to ne near the Putnam Scholars. When I pointed out the food/cleanliness/culture issues, he agreed that it might be fine for some but not a match for him. We looked at other dorms and found that he would have to choose between location, size, atmosphere, and food availability. Going to Caltech just afterward, he saw that for his preferences, the dorm they housed him in was perfect, and he lives there now.</p>

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<p>One more note. If you go to Caltech, live on campus for cost and safety. It is safe on campus but if you wander a few blocks away north or west in particular, its not nearly as safe. You will be able to walk to weekend restaurant visits with friends or take public transportation to go out, but there is not as much you can get to on foot at Caltech. You will not have tons of time though so keep that in mind. Their are lots of activities on campus, and the Y sponsors trips. My son went camping in the desert with his dorm and they did some dramatic fire-based things but they did them safely. Some students get really into dance, athletics, music, etc. You can be on a team even if you never participated in sports before. If you are tall, the basketball coach will probably approach you at Prefrosh Weekend and out a bracelet on you. ( ;</p>

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<p>West of campus not being safe? I think you might mean east, although that’s still a residential area that’s really not bad (and there’s not a whole lot of reasons for a Tech student to be living over there).</p>

<p>The only rough areas of Pasadena are north of the 210, which is a bit more than a casual walk from Caltech.</p>

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<p>I was going by the online crime map. Why do you say east? I saw little deleted crime there. I don’t live there. I will say for concerned parents that when I visited, I fell in love with the famous and immediate surroundings. Also, my son has no qualms waiting for an airport shuttle at 4the a.m. down the street from his dorm at the edge of famous. He and his girlfriend take public transportation for an occasional night out in Hollywood or elsewhere. Caltech students tend to eat out on weekends and often walk in groups to local restaurants. They have kitchen facilities and can also cook in the firm or just keep milk for late night snacks. Caltech also has extended food service hours that allow students to get snacks or meals at odd hours.</p>

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<p>North of campus (Colorado) and west of campus (Lake) likely have crime because there’s actually stores there. Most of Pasadena is residential, with homes on about 1/8 of an acre, so naturally crime will be a bit more diffuse than what you’ll find in more commercial areas. I imagine if you look around Colorado and Fair Oaks you’ll see higher crime, but that’s also a highly desirable nightlife/shopping area that people come from nearby communities to visit. It’s really all relative.</p>

<p>While there are some areas near Caltech’s campus I wouldn’t walk by alone at night (near the intersection of Colorado and Lake to both the north and east there tends to be a higher concentration of homeless), pretty much everywhere else is safe. I haven’t heard of anyone having a problem going around campus or nearby streets at early AM hours. Heck, often when I was coming home from my office at 2-4 AM I wasn’t the only one on my way back to the grad apartments.</p>

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<p>It’s a gorgeous area. Very quaint restaurant area, a nice walk. Reminds me of some old movies where there are nice Spanish style homes with great landscaping all around and life seems blessed. No wonder so many movies are filmed in the area. The mansion in the movie “The Jerk” was filmed there, and the gas station in that movie was there as well.</p>

159

<p>I think the lush landscaping and the turtles in the pond make Caltech special. There are lots of gorgeous trees. It made my heart stop to see my son thirty feet up in a Caltech live oak by his dorm/house on Facebook, but it just goes to show you that it’s like being in your backyard. </p>

<p>I loved arriving for Prefrosh Weekend to find that the administration offices we would interact with were housed in a converted Spanish architecture house and down the street a little was the music practice rooms in another converted house not far from the drama building in another converted house that had a large set building warehouse type building out back. It was great to hear how Caltech students might play next to Nobel Laureates in orchestra and see that Caltech students also put on plays and do other nongeeky things. </p>

<p>I’ve been seeing photos of dance performances on Facebook and love seeing the students I know really growing into themselves. The variety of types of dance groups and classes is really nice. It gives students a way to get exercise, have fun and socialize as well as express themselves artistically. Even though there are more guys than girls at Caltech, participating in dance activities evens the score. Girls often love guys that will dance, and it’s one for one there. </p>

<p>I get the impression that if a guy is friendly and fun to be around, he won’t have much trouble finding great girls to date. And, they are among the smartest girls on the planet. I know guys who went there who met their girlfriends right off the bat, thrilled to finally be among those who understood what they were talking about. From what I hear, there is less dating around and more getting to know one person and staying together. That might be due to the school being so selective and creating a concentrated group largely of compatible people. They don’t seem very homogenous though. There is a lot of individuality among the students. </p>

<p>I read somewhere that an accepted student was being told that students at schools like Caltech or MIT aren’t easy to strike up a conversation with. I hear nothing of the sort from my son. In fact, he got onto the admitted students private Facebook page last year after PFW and spent the rest of the year through the summer and up until orientation on that page getting to know other students and even having group video chats on Google Plus. Not everyone participated, but enough did that he had tons of friends by the time he arrived in the Fall. He had a roommate from an earlier summer science program and met his girlfriend right away. He studied with people he’d met in the Facebook group and quickly became Facebook friends with lots of other people including upperclassmen. The students seem to look out for each other.</p>

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<p>Having read WeAreFive’s tragic experience with Caltech, I want to post about my own experience with it. I am the father of a girl who’s a Caltech graduate. She loves that school. When I took her out for PreFrosh Weekend, her reaction was, “Dad, it’s like coming home! I belong here. Everyone is like me.” She thrived in the house system, formed lifelong friendships in her study group, and gained the most valuable commodity there is - an unparalleled education from the planet’s top university. The members of her core study group still assemble anywhere in the country when one of them gets married, and other friends made there get together with her from time to time for catching up with one another. Did she have any difficulties there? Sure. Like almost all Caltech students, she found herself no longer the best and smartest student in her classes, challenged by the volume and difficulty of her coursework, and having to adapt to new freedoms and time management issues. And like other Caltech students, she found herself having new and more entertaining distractions in the form of interesting people, places, and events all around her. At one point in her freshman year, she went through an extended period of depression, thinking that she wasn’t smart enough to make it there, that the admissions folks had made a mistake, that she was destined for abject failure and so on. It was deep enough and prolonged enough that I traveled 1500 miles three times to visit her on campus. After the second visit, I contacted the administration to ask for assistance. The response was immediate, extensive, and creative. “We’ll do ANYTHING that will help her here. If I need to hang up the phone and march straight to her room or grab her out of class this morning, I’ll do it. I don’t care about privacy issues. We’ll let attorneys sort that stuff out later. The only thing we care about is helping her right now, doing whatever will work for her.” Over the next few days, some of her study group members and even some of their parents were gently coaxed into an informal support group which pulled together around her and helped her through the remainder of the year. It was an amazing and inspiring process to observe and it worked wonders. She finished the year successfully, then continued on with high and steadily rising grades throughout her tenure there, even climbing through her senior year as she undertook a course load of 81 units per trimester in order to add another option to her degree. She graduated on time with honors and HATED to leave the place. Why our experience was so dramatically different from WeAreFive’s is impossible for me to know, but prospective students and parents who are considering Caltech should be aware that it’s anecdotal, not representative. What we experienced was an absolute commitment on the part of the Caltech Administration to go to any length to assure her well-being and her success there, exactly what one would expect from them. After all, they understand that they are dealing with a vanishingly scarce commodity in the first place, students who are capable of handling the rigor that Caltech demands. We sent our other two kids to two different schools and the treatment was dramatically different. Both were small, top tier schools but neither of them showed anywhere near a comparable level of concern and interest as that demonstrated by Caltech. We couldn’t have asked for more or better support for our daughter, and we couldn’t be happier with the outcome.</p>

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<p>I know this is a very common experience among grad students at Caltech, though, fortunately, not to the extent your daughter had it. Caltech is a very difficult school with a very difficult curriculum, and for students that have never really hit that first wall it can be devastating. However, once you get through it the way you approach classes here changes completely.</p>

<p>I should also mention there was recently a sophomore who died over the weekend while up in San Francisco. Apparently the investigation is ongoing, but suicide is suspected as being a possibility.</p>