Why do parents send their kids to boarding schools?

Parents Forum
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<p>In the vast majority of the cases the child is the one that wants to move out. However just because the child wants to do this does not mean it is the right thing to do. It is possible to for a gifted student to achieve great success by going to a public high school. I think there are also public schools which do not meet the needed of certain gifted students. If an alternative school cannot be found close by then I think boarding schools make sense.</p>

<p>If a good private high school is close by then the question becomes much more difficult. When one includes ECs this discussion can become even more complex. Quite often there are ECs in many communities that cannot be reproduced at boarding schools. I can think of one EC that is offered at most northeastern boarding schools that is inferior compared to the same EC offered in our local community.</p>

<p>I send my kids to a local private high school. As far as outcomes go I can say that our school has comparable percentages of Ivy league admissions, NMFs, AP scholars with distinction, and AP national scholars as many highly selective boarding schools.</p>

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<p>I went to boarding school because it was a combination of family tradition and lack of good schools in rural area where we grew up. I loved every single minute of it and made lifelong friends there.</p>

<p>Fast forward to my own kids. It started with feeling S1 was running around with a bad crowd and with both parents travelling a lot for our jobs, we felt he would get better supervision at boarding school. </p>

<p>It became very clear after a few weeks that he was getting a far superior education/experience at the boarding school than what S2 was getting at the local public. This coincided with S2 himself wanting to join his brother at boarding school. So off he went, too, the following year.</p>

<p>There were a dozen other reasons.</p>

<p>Both of them thrived and they have had the most amazing opportunities. S1 wouldn’t even had known about the excellent college he is attending now, had he not gone to boarding school. And S2 continues to be happy even though he is no longer together with his brother.</p>

<p>However, it has not been easy for me - emotionally and financially. But I would do it over again.</p>

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<p>I will admit to being fascinated by the BS issue. </p>

<p>I can’t imagine not spending those precious high school years with my kids (and their friends) but it’s not a choice I had to make. We are lucky enough to live in an area with some of the best public schools in the country and some of the best private day schools too. Many of our local private schools also have comparable percentages of Ivy league/other highly selective school admissions, NMF, etc. as top boarding schools. Truly the best of both worlds.</p>

<p>Having said that, I do agree that these schools are NO guarantee for top school admittance. Although I know my kids got a fabulous academic background (they did attend a private high school), I am fully aware that they shared/share college classrooms with kids from all walks of life (public school, home school, charter schools, etc) and those kids were/are just as happy, prepared, and well- adjusted to college as my kids. Kids thrive in many different environments.</p>

<p>Again, BS is not a decision we ever had to consider and I admit to finding it difficult. But, I respect those families who need to take that path - they are obviously doing so because they feel it is the best decision for their child.</p>

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<p>I want to add one more thing for those who might thing boarding schools are warehouses for problem kids or that there is a huge incidence of drug/alcohol abuse. Boarding schools (in most cases) will not “buy” a problem. There is too much risk and they want to protect the boarding community. It is actually tough for the students, since they are on the clock 24/7 and transgressions that might have occurred at home with consequences only imposed by parents or maybe police are now things that will get you suspended or expelled. Yes, there will be alcohol and drug incidents, but my experience was that they are handled swiftly and appropriately. Offenses such as curfew violations, missing chapel or a school meeting etc are handled with lesser punishment. I’ve seen kids denied admission to boarding schools, even though they would be full pay, if there were concerns about their disciplinary records. </p>

<p>At my son’s school, at the end of each year the entire faculty and administration had a lengthy meeting and went over each student and decided whether to invite the kid back for the next year. They also discussed what support systems needed to be in place for each student.</p>

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<p>Like MomofWC, my older D attended an arts boarding school (not Interlochen) within a college campus for three years of high school. Count me as one who never in a million years thought I would allow one of my kiddos outside the house longer than a summer camp. My family flipped out, called us crazy (heck, we were the rebels for being the first to move a half hour outside our little farm town) and everyone around us made up their minds that we were absolutely ruining D’s life. It was a risk to our family in many ways, but it was the best decision we ever made.</p>

<p>As a HS freshman, my D was a good student. She fell in love with her art at age 4 and never looked back. Her training was going “OK”, but there were some gaps and some teaching opinions that were just not serving her well. There were no other suitable training options within about 5-6 hours of us. We too chose to live where we did based on its very good public schools combined with her early training school. It was all fine until that freshman year of HS. There is so much wasted time in public schools. She caught the bus at 6:45 a.m., school started at 7:05, she got off the bus at 3:25 and needed to be at training by 4:00. Most weeknights she got home at 9:30, and still hadn’t had dinner or done homework. Weekends meant long days training as well, but she wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. </p>

<p>So family time - well, lots of it spend in the car. Meals together? Just Saturday nights and Sundays. She managed to keep her grades up, but she was exhausted. The 6:45 - 3:25 time at school was just not efficient.</p>

<p>Our goal was not for her to board at her BS - it was our backup plan. We had to commit to boarding initially, but hoped my job would allow us to move to the same city where her BS was so that she could be a day student. Fortunately it did, but after a short time in her boarding situation we concluded it was the perfect situation for her. She received her academics on the same campus as her training. She put in long hours, but they were efficient hours. She got enough sleep, ate very well, studied well including taking several AP classes, went to the prom, and as MomofWC mentioned, spent her days with like-minded people. Her public HS friends respected her but didn’t “get it” why she spent so many hours training, couldn’t go to the football game on Friday night, etc.</p>

<p>I think the important thing to remember is that we are not raising artists or athletes or scholars - we are raising people. I loved the person who graduated from that arts BS. She was mature beyond her 17 years, had traveled all over the country for her art, worked with people from all over the world. Sometimes we had to get creative when it came to parenting/family time, but frankly we saw her more living 15 minutes away then we ever did when she lived in our home. Her sophomore year she came home almost every weekend. Her junior year a little less, and her senior year a lot less due to her rehearsal load, but by that point we had a “groove” that flowed well for our family. And we still saw her more than her freshman year of public HS.</p>

<p>It certainly is not for everyone. My younger D would never have been successful in a HS BS environment. But for my older D it was unexpectedly perfect and she is now in her fifth year as a professional in her art. She will go to college eventually, but with a whole 'nother set of experiences under her belt.</p>

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<p>What a great story, College4K! My daughter still tells people the story of how when she would tell people she was going to boarding school they would ask “What did you do wrong?”</p>

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<p>Perhaps not the usual academically elite boarding schools that people tend to think of here, but aren’t there boarding schools that exist specifically to straighten out trouble-prone kids?</p>

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<p>There are emotional growth boarding schools, otherwise known as therapeutic boarding schools. That is not what we are discussing here. These have a lot of structure and offer therapy in various forms. These are extremely expensive and are often preceded by a therapeutic wilderness program for the struggling teen.</p>

<p>There are also many boarding schools that are not what I would call “academically elite” but still offer strong academics and a nurturing environment. There are also very strong military-oriented boarding schools, such as Culver, which offer structure, strong academics and develop a lot of discipline in the student. Culver won’t take on “problem” kids, by the way.</p>

<p>There are also boarding schools which aren’t very good in any aspect, just as there are other kinds of schools which fall into that category.</p>

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<p>^^Yes. I think people who are not quite familiar with boarding schools often confuse the therapeutic type of boarding schools for “problematic kids” and the elite boarding schools known for their academic rigor with the mission of preparing kids for college in multiple fronts
 I am glad there’s such a thread in the college side of College Confidential and am pleasantly surprised that the discussion hasn’t been dominated by either the notion that boarding schools are for kids their parents don’t love them or don’t want to take the responsibilities of parenting, or one that boarding schools are better than other types of schools. Gathered from some discussions in the prep school forum, many BS parents have been stressed out by the snarky comments they receive from relatives, neighbors and acquitances for sending kids to BS. As pointed out earlie, from both “buyers’” and “sellers’” perspectives, boarding school will remain to be consumed by only a small fraction of the general population, which is perfectly natural, but I hope folks outside BS will at least open their mind and don’t take what they think they know about BS for granted. There are some finest schools among boarding schools, just as there are some fantastic ones among magnet schools, private day schools and public schools. Again, people make choices based on what are available and reachable to them, and where they believe their kids would gain the most among the available choices.</p>

<p>(cross-posted with MomofWildChild)</p>

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<p>Yes, those are the types of programs I am more familiar with (not personally–via kids I know who have been sent to them). Goes to show the power of nature, considering how many of them involve wilderness experiences.</p>

<p>College4K, thanks for your story. My daughter could have taken your older daughter’s path as well (she is a dancer) but it was precisely for the reason you say (“we are not raising artists or athletes or scholars - we are raising people”) that we placed a high value on having her and her brother attend a regular public school in our close-knit community. Yes, her dance options have been more circumscribed than if she had gone away to an arts boarding school (and we know kids who have) but she is still well-prepared for college BFA programs, and if she wants to pursue a professional career in dance I believe she can still do it. Her dad and I both moved quite a bit as kids and didn’t enjoy the stability of growing up in the same town and with the same kids since preschool. I love that both of our kids have been able to pursue their interests, receive a good education at a respected public school, AND still have time for Friday-night football games and hanging out at the mall or the lake and having part-time jobs and other things that connect them to the community. I would have loved that myself.</p>

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<p>I had the interesting experience of being a day student for three years and then a boarder the final year at the school. I missed out on a lot those first three years, not just because it was logistically difficult to stay past the last bus, but also just late night dorm bonding. As a parent I’m glad I didn’t miss out on my kids’ teen years, but as a former boarding student, I know they could still have good experiences with their families during school breaks.</p>

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<p>Even gifted students need a congenial learning/social environment to be at their best. </p>

<p>For instance, while my NYC SHS public magnet is regarded among the academic elite, the learning/social environment wasn’t for everyone. </p>

<p>Many college classmates who attended BS or private day schools wouldn’t have found the sink-or-swim competitive academic environment with little handholding or the dominance of STEM nerd/academic metrics one-upsmanship to be their academic/personal cup of tea. </p>

<p>While Hunter College HS didn’t have the STEM nerd one-upsmanship, it’s also not for everyone as illustrated by several HS classmates I knew of* who transferred into my HS from Hunter because they felt my HS had a better academic/social environment suited to their academic interests/personalities. </p>

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<li>Mostly boys so there may have been a gender component to this. In the past, Hunter College HS was once an all-girl school.</li>
</ul>

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<p>My son told us he was going to boarding school when he was in second grade, okay he was reading Harry Potter at the time and we had to explain to him that BS wasn’t going to be quite Hogwarts. He went to a private grade school where a good percentage of students went on to boarding schools so it was “in the air”. Well, he never wavered and off he went freshmen year of HS. We didn’t agree to let him go because we thought he’d get into a better college or because our local HS was sub par. We let him go because we thought it would be a wonderful experience for him. It was fabulous. My husband wanted him at a school within reasonable driving distance so we were able to attend all of his sporting events and he was able to come home on Sundays for the day fairly often. I never felt the teachers were parenting him or taking our place in any way. I think we are pretty close even with him at a college 6 hours away. Boarding School isn’t for everyone but for our family it was a positive, happy four years.</p>

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<p>D #1 lg public HS #2 S Parochial all boys HS # 3 S Boarding School # 4 D all girls private school. That being said, my son started at our excellent public school, but found it not a good fit. He transferred as a junior to Blair Academy, one hr from home. Loved it, was successful and is now a happy Freshman at Dickinson College AROTC. Happy Kids, Happy Mom!</p>

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<p>I let my D13 and S15 attend boarding school for 11th and 12th grade for the same reasons that I let them do overseas exchange years between 10th and 11th - I recognized that they’d taken advantage of everything our local public could offer in 2 years, I wanted them to have new opportunities for growth and learning that I couldn’t provide at home, and I could afford it because they won scholarships for study abroad and/or boarding school. I’ve missed them a great deal and I enjoy their company when they visit but I wouldn’t selfishly deny them the opportunities that they wanted.</p>