This is not an attack on anyone, just a general question I had. I’ve seen quite a few videos of people crying when they to deferred or rejected. I’ve been rejected by a lot of the top schools, and though I might have felt sad for a few seconds, I can move on. And it’s not like they didn’t get into any other good schools, just not the top ones like MIT, Stanford, or CMU. Why do people think that a good education can only be received from the top schools? Yes, in the future, they might hold some weight, but is that something to cry about?
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i think it comes down to a point that people can imagine themselves at the school. they have done a ton of research and absolutely love the school. and at that point, they just let all their emotions out and they may not realize at that point that it won’t affect their life at large. people call it their ‘dream’ schools and it truly is a letdown when they don’t get in - everyone expresses emotions in different ways and everyone has feelings of their own. it truly comes down to your opinions on the school and how you handle things.
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I cried because I felt like some of the schools i worked really hard for and i should have gotten into rejected me and I felt like my hard work was for nothing. It hurts the most for target schools because you fit the profile of those admitted and you should have likely gotten in but you don’t. And also that they were schools you reallt wanted to go to and have as an option to go to but now you dont. Like I start to wonder if what I did for 4 years is how worth it and the rejection kinda reinforced that perhaps it wasn’t. And it just sucks too, to have someone day " we don’t want you and don’t think you’re good enough!"
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agreed, i had the same thoughts…my four years gone to waste - it is a sad thought to think about
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Did you manage to get into any other universities that you applied to?
I didn’t cry but I had those same thoughts. Being rejected at my “dream school” didn’t phase me too much because it was a T20 and you know how those are. But my target school too? It not only made me question what I did wrong for the past 4 years but it made me question if I overestimated myself. Like, am I not as good as I thought I am? And it’s tough.
I definitely get if those thoughts rush to someone’s head all at once and they cry
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I did, but they were definitely lower on my list as compared to the ones I wanted to get in more. I’m super happy that I got into those schools, but I felt dejected that the ones that I felt like I was working towards and kept in mind to get into all these years had rejected me. I know it’s an unpredictable process, but it still sucks
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Yeah! I got WL at my reach school and while I was sad for a bit, it got over it. It was a reach after all. Amazing if I get in, but I can get over it if I don’t. It’s targets and safety’s that hit hard.
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You gotta change your thinking. Colleges don’t look at it that way. They don’t reject anyone. They chose the better candidate.
You also cannot say that you should have gotten in since you fit the profile because applicants are not cookie-cutters that fit the same mold. Everybody is unique & the college chose the candidate that works for them.
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They may have chosen a better candidate in their eyes, but it’s still a rejection on my end lol. And right after I recieve a decision, I’m certainly not like they didn’t reject me!! they just chose someone else better than me. It just reinforces I wasn’t good enough tbh
Like I said, it’s an unpredictable process. But why do you classify schools as reach, target and safety? Because you have the stats and ECs and such of candidates who typically get into that pool. I think it’s ok to assume that you have a very high chance of getting into your safeties and targets. Yes you can get rejected, but you theoretically should have a higher chance of getting in giving the student profile of the school. When you don’t, you wonder what you did wrong.
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I would also like to add that the stress and anxiety of waiting for decisions for months on end, wondering if you’re app was good, what else to do etc etc and finding out you’re rejected ( and maybe have a stream of rejections too) can reduce morale. It’s sad to have your anticipation of positive news crushed.
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There is s lot of stress and anxiety. I feel for you. A college rejecting you is hard but try not to.let it reflect on your view of your self worth. Rejection sucks but try not to take it too personal. There are only so many spots available and not everyone will get an invite. Many good students are rejected. Many times lesser students are admitted because they have something that the college wants. It’s a crap shoot at times. In the end you will find your match. I’m sure you’ll do great and thrive where you land.
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Also the people in those YouTube videos likely don’t know much about the admissions process. They have the idea that if they apply to all of the ivy’s, one of them will say yes. The people on this forum are outliers tbh, we know (for the most part) that any school with a certain admit rate or lower is a reach, no matter the stats. Other kids? not so much.
I assume they look at what should be reach schools as target schools and felt the way we do when we get rejected by a school we could picture ourselves at.
Also, there’s the letting down friends/ family. I told everyone close to me where all I was applying and it was terrifying to tell them when I didn’t get in. Each and every one of them was so supportive and I lowkey felt like I let them down on top of letting myself down. I didn’t, I know. But you never expect people to be kinder to you than you are to yourself and those few days after I got rejected I really beat myself up
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People cry because they take it to mean they aren’t as good as they thought they were in other people’s eyes. It’s personal, and really, it’s true, though maybe not for reasons they give credit to (eg college needs a bassoon player and they don’t play the instrument - hence - weren’t selected). It’s the opposite, but same, mental drive that leaves people feeling on a “high” when they get a sincere, “great job, thanks!” out of the blue from someone regarding something they did. It’s human nature.
It’s ok to cry. It can be beneficial to cry, though not everyone needs to. It’s not good to always suppress feelings. It’s far better for one’s health to go with the flow so to speak. Certainly don’t look down on anyone for natural human reactions.
What’s not ok is letting the sadness last for more than a day or week. Everyone fails sometime - even those where one never sees it publicly. No human is perfect. Those who do well in life are those with the grit to move on to Plan B realizing no one is really at the top of the preconceived ladder we mentally make. The “best” life is one where we can be content with what we have. That doesn’t mean not putting in effort for things or to try to make things better, etc. It means not thinking life is done simply because of a failure. At its worst, this can get ugly. Med school Match Day was just held last week. A med school graduate committed suicide due to not matching. My heart goes out to them and their family.
It’s good for everyone to know “failures” happen to everyone at some point and in some way, but life goes on and there are loved ones and friends who care - even if other “loved ones” wrongly put too much blame on the person, which also, unfortunately happens. Give hugs, not blame. Help with Plan B.
No human is perfect. No system is perfect. Crying is fine, but embrace Plan B once you allow yourself to grieve Plan A. Go get ice cream (or similar) to treat yourself to something, then move on knowing life is still out there to be lived.
FWIW, I ended up at my 2nd choice school due to finances and in hindsight, I wouldn’t go back and change a thing. It’s led to great things.
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