@CTTC It is absurd - it is the same trend/attitude I was getting at the preschool where my new 3 yo was going to hold the rest back. 8-|
“When I started, our district outside Phila was February. I’m a Nov birthday. Yes, I think it was a stretch.”
@lookingforward, same when I was a child in New Haven. I was a late November birthday and my cousin was two months younger than me (born late January) and we were in the same class. Since no one held their kids back 55 years ago there were lots of us who were 4 entering Kindergarten.
My district’s cutoff in NYS is 12/1. S has a very late August b’day. He was one of only a few boys who had late-ish birthdays who wasn’t held back, but there were a lot of girls younger than him.
Emily, and it was hard having your birthday in the next school year.
^ The worst was not being legal to drink (though tbh that didn’t stop me) and the last ones to get our drivers licenses.
I’m glad we are in a 12/31 district as both my summer born kids were ready. I like choices and each parent should be able to make their own choices based on readiness.
I can tell you that it really bothers me that there are almost 17 year old boys in my D’s sophomore class. Too mature and ready to get into alcohol and other activities earlier in high school. Many of them were red shirted then also repeated 9th grade. For sports of course.
The post above reminds me that when kids who are held back when they were younger get to high school age, then you have to worry about the whole statutory rape/age difference in dating thing. So, you could have, for example, a 17 year old sophomore or junior boy who could easily be dating girls 14/15. Granted, this could happen regardless in high school but adding another year of age sure doesn’t help decrease the risk of such a thing occurring.
Glad I’m not the only one who has thought about what happens when kids reach HS. One argument for raising the drinking age to 21 (after the age 18 one in the Vietnam war era draft of my youth) was the influence on HS drinking. Now it is illegal for all HS students (schools only educate special needs to age 21). It helped my son as a college freshman that no one could legally drink.
I can’t even understand why any parent would be afraid of their child starting college at 17. If they’re ready for Kindergarten at 4, they’re definitely going to be ready for college at 17. The older 2 people get, the less their age difference matters. The difference in emotional maturity between a 4-year-old and a 5-year-old is much bigger than the difference in emotional maturity between a 17-year-old and an 18-year-old. If a 4-year-old is able to keep up with 5-year-olds, they’ll have no trouble keeping up with 18-year-olds when they’re 17.
We’re in CT. D has an October birthday. We started her in public kindergarten at age 4. She’s been with kids who are over a year older and has done very well academically, gets glowing recs from teachers, has friends, etc. She’s in 5th now, and we’re looking at private schools for 6th. One admissions director said even though D would probably be fine academically, they “strongly suggest” having her repeat 5th so as not to be out of sync with her peers (this private school has a strict 9/1 cutoff for K-4). Is it common to have a child repeat a grade (not K, not 1st) even if they test in the high range, interview well, etc.? D doesn’t understand why she’d need to repeat a grade when she does well and said she doesn’t mind being young for her grade. It’s such a crummy situation to be in at this stage. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
@fairfieldctmom
2 thoughts:
My guess is the academics at the private school will be more rigorous regardless of age level
It isn’t unusual for private schools to have older kids per grade on average which, if so, would make your daughter even younger. I’d ask about that. In middle school years, where social life can be the bigger battle than academics especially for a child new to the school, being physically and mentally younger, not talking academics, can be a disadvantage. But some go through puberty early, so it might not matter.
@doschicos - Thanks! Yes, I do think that the academics are going to be more rigorous. That’s one of the reasons we’re seeking out private schools at this point. And I also appreciate the social issues, I do. I just wonder about drawbacks to grade repetition. You often see the positives, but what about a knock to the child’s self-esteem? The school said it’s ultimately our choice but they also made their preference clear.
“You often see the positives, but what about a knock to the child’s self-esteem? The school said it’s ultimately our choice but they also made their preference clear.”
I think it is the parents’ job to explain to the child why the repeat - new school, more rigorous, school policy/preference, etc. Family emphasis should be on learning opportunities not getting hung up in what grade one is in. If the learning opportunities are still there, grade 5 or grade 6 shouldn’t matter, IMO. You need to set the tone for your child if you choose that path that it is perfectly acceptable, no stigma, no big deal.
Also, keep in mind that if you choose to apply not as a repeat, you may lessen the chances of getting an acceptance from that school. Yes, the school may say it is ultimately your choice but it could be their choice to decline the application if it doesn’t follow their clear preference.
The one kid I know whose parents forced a repeat - it was first grade - still hates them for that. Her social circle was still the kids a year older and when they moved on to the next schools she really felt left behind.
Maybe not an issue if schools and peers are changing anyway.
I was a nanny to a boy who had a late Dec birthday, in a district with a pretty strict 9/15 cut off, but the school district put him in a gifted and talented K when he was 4. It worked out fine because in this program there were other younger kids, the school was smaller, he was well looked after. The next year when he would have gone to first grade, the program was transferred to an inner city school in one of the worst neighborhoods. He would have been on a bus for at least 45 minutes a day each way. His mother searched for a different school and decided on a country day school. The school said ‘5 year olds are in K’ and he repeated K.
Having him repeat K was not an issue at all. He was so smart at 5 that he could have probably gone to second or third grade at any school and done the work academically. He wasn’t a particularly big kid, so he fit in better with the younger group, he enjoyed sports and many are (were) played by class in school so he could be a leader on the field too as he was not the 5 year old playing with the 7 year olds. He ended up with a tight group of friends. Several went to the same (private) high school, and 5 became NMF together (16 total from a class of about 100), and 5 from that K class went to Yale together. They were able to celebrate other mile stones together too, like Bat Mitzvahs and Sweet 16 parties, and he wasn’t a much younger kid going to an event with older kids. He also had siblings who were 3 years younger, and him going ahead a grade would have made them 4 school grades younger which again would have made a difference for being in the same school building at the same time.
Never a problem keeping him engaged at school, challenged, excited about learning. IMO, fairfieldmom, I’d follow the school’s suggestion. Being younger than everyone else in the class will not be easy. Academically she’ll be fine, but for other activities she will always be ‘the baby.’ One of my kids was the youngest in her class and I really regret it. Academically fine, but in every other way just a step behind.
Don’t know if this is still possible, but many (many many) years ago when we lived in Virginia (Dad was a Marine, so we lived lots of places), my parents sent me to a private school for 1st grade since I had a late November birthday (way past the cutoff date) but was plainly ready for school. I was able then to transfer into public school for 2nd grade and on.
@fairfieldctmom I’d be leery of having my kid repeat a grade without a close look at what the school’s curriculum actually is and if there really is such a big age differential.
I had a September birthday and was a year ahead. I went from mediocre public schools to what was then considered one of the best girl’s boarding schools in the country. (Did the move in 9th grade and we were all new to the school.) English class was a bit of a challenge, history was fine, I was ahead of most of the private school girls in math and probably better prepared in science as well. I never had any issues socially. Being at a single sex school probably helped there, but really I found my group of intellectual friends and let the kids who wanted to get in trouble with drinking, drugs and boyfriends go at it.
I think that starting at a school where there is already an established group of kids can be difficult, but it’s very common for K-12 year private schools to have big influxes at certain points in the progam (i.e. beginning of middle school and beginning of high school) so it all settles down fairly quickly.
Mind you the private school may be right, but just being a year young is not necessarily a problem.
@fairfieldctmom If your D is not behind, I wouldn’t make her repeat a grade simply because she’d be the youngest in the class. And to this question, “Is it common to have a child repeat a grade (not K, not 1st) even if they test in the high range, interview well, etc.?” I’d say a child that tests high and interviews well would be a better candidate to skip a grade than to spend 14 years in K-12 education.
To be honest, I’d be inclined to look for a different private school.
Thanks for all the input, really! My husband and I agreed last night that it would not serve her well to repeat 5th. I emailed the admissions director today. This is part of what I wrote:
"Our feeling is that D would be best served continuing her education uninterrupted, and so we would like to have her considered for 6th grade next year.
As you know, she is already with classmates who are more than a year ahead so she is used to being among the youngest. When I mentioned the option of repeating 5th to her, she asked me why. I explained the situation, different stages of social and emotional development, puberty, etc., and she still felt that she would like to continue on to the next grade. She even said that she would leave [her current public] and go to [this private school] for the second half of 5th so as to show that she is ready for 6th. We told her that that wasn’t possible, but I mention it because I think it demonstrates her motivation (and ability to think creatively!)."
Admissions director wrote back:
“Thank you for your email. We will consider D for 6th grade.
As I said I’m not worried now but in a year or two we may see some social issues.
We can address them at that time if necessary. I think [this school] would be a wonderful next step in D’s future. I look forward to seeing her again next week.”
I feel comfortable with our decision. I know we are in the small minority on this issue, but I just don’t see how grade repetition would be a good choice for her.
In terms of other schools, I WISH we had other options. I think this school is wonderful, but I would be open to others if they were any within a reasonable distance. There is an outstanding school that is about a 40 min bus ride away (the max I’d send her) but it doesn’t start until 7th.
We’ll see how her shadow day goes with the big 6th graders next week. Thank you all again!