Why do you want to continue to be a teacher? (Short essay)

This was actually written as part of a job interview process - an off the cuff short essay. Comments welcome, as to style and content (I think grammar, punctuation is pretty ok so I’m not really interested in comments about that but you’re welcome to anyway!) Thanks for your feedback!

Why do you want to continue to be a teacher? (Short essay)

A certain creative artist once said “Life is too short not to do something that matters”

During my nearly nine years of teaching Visual Art and other subjects within the Federation of St. Kitts and Nevis I have experienced a myriad of different teaching and learning situations: this has certainly opened my eyes to the fantastic potential, as well as the challenges that face the children of this dear little country! To be involved in the process of helping the students to develop skills and understanding, appreciation of beauty (not least their own!) and confidence in their own abilities is certainly a privilege.

Over this period of years (during which I have taught at both Primary and High School levels) there have been so many special moments of interaction with individuals as well as groups of children, that have reinforced my positive feelings about being a teacher. Together we have explored - whatever topic or practical exercise it may be - and learned something about ourselves too along the way. The enthusiasm of kids is surely infectious!

I wish to continue in teaching furthermore because of incidents such as the following. A certain young boy in Grade Four was often unsettled and distracted during my classes. One day recently this same child happened to mention an older brother or cousin who loves to draw. It was the end of a class where the boy had, as usual, not been very productive. Here was my opportunity to relate to this child in a fresh and positive way. “Perhaps you could get your older brother/ cousin to show you how to draw” I suggested. “That will help give you the confidence you need to be an artist” I explained to him. Since that time, this boy seems to have realised that I am on his side, and his manner has been more pleasant and cooperative in general. There have been numerous other similar incidents, where I have been able to relate to the ‘naughtier’ children and show them that I care about their progress just as much as I care about the better-behaved ones.
It’s as if, as a teacher, one is very gradually building up every day in this subtle art of enabling these young fellow-human beings to become the best they can be in their own unique way, not only academically but also creatively and morally. Bit by bit I have realised that I, too, have to grow and develop alongside the students I’m employed to teach. I have to especially develop even more compassion and to become an excellent listener, listening carefully to the responses and questions that the children present to me. (Why should I expect the children to be excellent listeners if I’m not?)

I could not stand to be in a job that did not demand that I grow within it!

A certain creative artist once said “Life is too short not to do something that matters”

  1. Is this part of the essay? It’s missing a period.
  2. Who?? Because when someone’s vague about a quote, I automatically assume they don’t actually remember.

During my nearly nine years of teaching Visual Art and other subjects within the Federation of St. Kitts and Nevis I have experienced a myriad of different teaching and learning situations: this has certainly opened my eyes to the fantastic potential, as well as the challenges that face the children of this dear little country!
Verging on run-on; the colon should probably be a semicolon; the parallelism in the latter part doesn’t make much sense. “The fantastic potential that faces the children”? Why does potential “face” them?

this dear little country!
This sounds REALLY SARCASTIC, lol.

Over this period of years (during which I have taught at both Primary and High School levels) there have been so many special moments of interaction with individuals as well as groups of children, that have reinforced my positive feelings about being a teacher.
If you want that comma, you have to match it with one after “individuals.”

Together we have explored - whatever topic or practical exercise it may be - and learned something about ourselves too along the way.
Why do you need those dashes? (As an aside, hyphens and dashes are not the same and are not used in the same ways.) The sentence sounds broken to my ear when I pause there.

an older brother or cousin
your older brother/ cousin
Which one is it?? It’s like saying “he or she” all the time. Hella clunky.

“Perhaps you could get your older brother/ cousin to show you how to draw” I suggested.
*draw," I suggested.

“That will help give you the confidence you need to be an artist” I explained to him.
*artist," I explained to him
(Also, you really don’t need this speech tag. Would you read a novel that explicitly noted “He said” after every sentence of dialogue? “I frequent the Internet,” he said. “Sometimes I go on a site called College Confidential,” he said. “It’s really fun,” he continued.)
(Also ALSO, I’m really confused how “Go learn art from your brother” completely changed this kid’s life. What do you mean, he wasn’t being “productive”? Was he uninspired? Not technically skilled?)

I care about their progress just as much as I care about the better-behaved ones.
Failed parallelism – you care about their progress just as much as you care about the progress of the better-behaved ones.
Or,
*I care about their progress just as much as I care about that of the better-behaved ones.

It’s as if, as a teacher, one is very gradually building up every day in this subtle art of enabling these young fellow-human beings to become the best they can be in their own unique way, not only academically but also creatively and morally.
“It’s as if”? So you’re not actually doing that?
Also, what are you building up? You’re “building up in the subtle art”? What does “building up in” mean?
Why do you need to emphasize that they are “fellow” human beings?

excellent listener, listening carefully
Repetitive

(Why should I expect the children to be excellent listeners if I’m not?)
What kind of ending is this, lol? You kind of went on a tangent there. Is this an essay about listening, or encouraging, or what? If listening is going to be an important point, don’t throw it in two sentences from the end.

I could not stand to be in a job that did not demand that I grow within it!
Probably my favorite sentence, but I think it needs more to function effectively as a conclusion.

Overall:

  1. Some grammar issues
    I know you said you didn’t want comments on this, so…sorry. :stuck_out_tongue:
  1. Slight overuse of exclamation points A professional author once told me you are allowed one exclamation point in serious writing every ten years.
  2. Main example is a little light on the explanation As a reader, I want to know more about this kid who was inspired to do better in your class. How did your suggestion magically fix his attitude? Was the point that you listened to him (in which case you should state that explicitly, and perhaps steal that parenthetical line from the end for a bit of humor)? Or that you found a way to connect the subject to something he cares about? Or that he found inspiration? Or?? On first read, I was not very impressed by this anecdote, and I think impressing the reader is kind of what you're going for.
  3. Conclusion is short and doesn't wrap much up We go right from a mini-lecture about the importance of listening to a punchy one-sentence conclusion. Leave the reader with something to chew on; your current last sentence is a good one for that, but it needs a foundation on which you can build your conclusion.

I think the second draft of this essay could be really impactful, if you really grab readers with your story about the troubled child and then give us something thoughtful to consider. You have a good framework to work with! Grammar mistakes are occasionally present but can be fixed easily, and you have a solid idea to develop.

Good luck!!

that’s REALLY helpful - thanks a lot! (NOT being sarcastic!!) By the way, about the ‘dear little country’ - yes that would sound sarcastic to someone who doesn’t know Caribbean culture but hopefully the readers here will understand the compliment intended (a bit like the style of the calypsonians). Every comment you have made rings true to me, and was kind of in my mind as I wrote (believe it or not). I knew what I was writing was somewhat crappy, but also had in the seeds of a good essay…Unfortunately I have no chance to submit a better version - that was it - given to them at the time of the interview.
However your comments are so helpful that I might try to ‘flesh out’ this essay for another context - for example a blog.
Thanks again!

:slight_smile:

:bz