I don’t know how to work on this one. Is it asking why I want to go to Duke, or why should I be accepted? I am just playing with this topic around, and I came up with this one. It has to be 1-2 paragraphs.
I consider Duke a good match for myself because of its services provided to students with disabilities and its unlimited academic opportunities. As a high school student with learning disability, I remember worrying that I would not be able to receive special services in college. Interested in Duke for its diversity in student body, I went on its website and learned that it provides accommodations, such as an interpreter, a note taker, and extended time, to students with a variety of disabilities. This allayed my worries and fears. From visiting its campus and asking the admission officers and students, I had learned that Duke helps disabled yet qualified students make their experience at university accessible. As a matter of fact, it allows them to have equal experiences as other students. I want to take advantage of all the opportunities and services Duke University has to offer.
The second paragraph will be its amazing academics and how I will make out of my education there with my dedication and eagerness to learn.
Is this how it works? If so, how can I improve it? If no, how can I change it? What is Duke looking for?
<p>Talking about how amazing Duke's academics are isn't really a unique topic. In your essay you should really try and make your personality show..try to show them how you are different from other applicants. Talk about something you are passionate for!</p>
<p>Okay, actually I was wondering if devoting the whole first paragraph to their support services for learning disabilities is the best use of the space provided. I realize this support is very important, but it is <em>support</em> nonetheless, right? It may be worth mentioning, I don't know, but it's not the #1 compelling reason to choose Duke, is it? With this as the first paragraph and without the second paragraph, that's kind of the impression I was left with.</p>
<p>its a little general - try researching more into specific programs of interest to you and target those in your essays - phrases such as "great academics, unlimited possibilities, etc..." will be used by a lot of applicants. Showing that you know a little more about the school and the programs you are considering can go a long way.</p>
<p>for diversity- I found there wasn't in Duke. So, I think I will delete the sentence "Interested in Duke for its diversity in student body". So, here is my final first draft: </p>
<p>I consider Duke a good match for myself because of its highly respected program of research and its services provided to students with disabilities. Passionate about research, I often asked my guidance counselor and teachers. The answer was overwhelming Duke University-everyone seemed to be convinced that it was the academic center of research. I know that at Duke I will pursue research, while learning more about the subject I am passionate about: biology. I plan to use my research experiences, my dedication, and my thirst for knowledge to make most of my university education at Duke. (PS- I explained why research was most meaningful to me in short answer)</p>
<p>As a high school student with learning disability, I remember worrying that I would not be able to receive special services in college. Already interested in Duke for its research and well-known academics, I went on its website and learned that it provides accommodations, such as an interpreter, a note taker, and extended time, to students with a variety of disabilities. This allayed my worries and fears. From visiting its campus and asking the admission officers and students, I had learned that Duke helps disabled yet qualified students make their experience at university accessible. As a matter of fact, it allows them to have equal experiences as other students. I want to take advantage of all the opportunities and services Duke University has to offer.</p>
<p>I feel like this is not flowing smoothly. Any ideas how to change it?</p>
<p>It could still be a little more specific. For example, you're interested in biology. What things about Duke's biology program attract you? The marine laboratory? The primate center? The medical center/school? Does the FOCUS program interest you? What about the campus(es)?</p>
<p>you could have left the part about diversity in there cuz it does have a considerable amount of racial diversity in its incoming classes in recent years. besides, there are plenty of aspects of diversity, not just in the racial sense. Does the academic diversity, socioeconomic, varied interests of the student body, geographic diversity, etc... interest you?</p>
<p>You should talk about diversity first and then special services. they kinda connect- research and special support? nah they don't fit. that's my opinion.</p>
<p>Do high school seniors really say things like "thirst for knowledge" and use words like "passionate"? None that I know do, but maybe my kids just hung out with the wrong crowd. I guess my point is that it sounds like you are trying too hard to say what you think the adcoms want to hear. "Show don't tell" -- i.e., just saying you are dedicated or passionate doesn't really show that you are. I agree with warblersrule: be specific. </p>
<p>I don't think the second and third sentences in the first paragraph add anything to the essay and may even detract a bit by implying that the extent of your research into colleges started and ended with asking your guidance counselor and teachers for their opinions -- which doesn't really show a lot of passion for research, if you think about it. </p>
<p>Also, I still think there are way too many words in the learning disabled paragraph that basically all say one thing: "I'm learning disabled, and Duke provides great support for learning disabled students." That's worth including since it is important to you, but I wouldn't waste a whole paragraph on it. I think you should save your space to focus on specifics -- the things warblersrule talked about.</p>
<p>Personalize your essay MUCH MORE. Tell a specific story(ies) about dealing with your disability in highschool that shows why the resources at Duke are so important to you. Talk about yourself as an equal opportunity advocate for the disabled (with examples) and how you hope to further influence and inspire the culture at Duke. Be funny, be open, be UNIQUE. Loosen up. </p>
<p>Your essay is too generic. You want to do three things: paint a picture of yourself so adcoms REMEMBER who you are; impress why you need Duke; tell why Duke NEEDS YOU.</p>
<p>I agree with Green Shirt and the above poster..you need to personalize your essay. For gosh sakes it doesn't say much about who you really are. I thought I was reading an essay about myself..when reading the first paragraph about you liking biology. You need to share your experiences with the adcoms. They'd rather here about that than about you ranting on and on about how passionate you are about something. Why are you passionate about biology? Did someone or something spark your interest. Any experiences or anything..research done etc. Anyways you should get the jist of it by now..hope I was able to help :).</p>