why is "dating" still the norm?

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>"the length of time that a couple is married is irrelevant in determining whether or not marriage is frivolous. i'm calling marriage frivolous because <em>it is completely unnecessary to survival in today's society</em>."</p>

<p>I would disagree. I think it is quite necessary to have a stable and supportive family when we live in a world where people are willing to step all over other people for success.</p>

<p>Personally, I wouldn't want to live in a world where people feel no commitment/loyalty towards anybody. I'm sure that would breed even more selfish, cruel people.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
<em>it is completely unnecessary to survival in today's society</em>.

[/quote]

this is sort of an ignorant statement to make, since a lot of poverty today is actually caused by people not getting married i.e. single mom.</p>

<p>also, i am curious as to what your family is like? what was your childhood like? what kind of relationship do you have with your friends? judging from what you have been saying it seems as though you have a rather perverted perspective of relationships; you seem to be equating people and relationships to resources like they are just some kind of commodity to be used.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
I would disagree. I think it is quite necessary to have a stable and supportive family when we live in a world where people are willing to step all over other people for success.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>friends, substances, and casual sex partners can fill that void. to each his/her own. marriage is certainly not necessary to survival, and it doesn't accomplish any great task that no other relationship can. it is frivolous. (though being frivolous is not necessarily a bad thing--and it is certainly not the reason i reject marriage.)</p>

<p>
[quote]
this is sort of an ignorant statement to make, since a lot of poverty today is actually caused by people not getting married i.e. single mom.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>meh, your logic is a little flawed. firstly, there may be a CORRELATIONAL relationship between single parenthood and poverty, but there is no proven CAUSAL relationship. also, in the case of a single mom, motherhood is probably what most contributed to poverty (or at least more so than singleness--real contributing factors probably include lack of education, poor work ethic, bad childhood, destructive society, et al).. but the point is, anyone with common sense can see that singleness does not cause poverty.</p>

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<p>Nice troll attempt.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
friends, substances, and casual sex partners can fill that void. to each his own. marriage is certainly not necessary to survival, and it doesn't accomplish any great task that no other relationship can. it is frivolous. (though being frivolous is not necessarily a bad thing--and it is certainly not the reason i reject marriage.)

[/quote]

well if you want to be all pessimistic, life and what you choose to do with your life is frivolous since, no matter what you choose to do, you'll die anyways.</p>

<p>also, why do you have to "reject marriage?" how about you just say that's not for you and just not get married? it's not like other people's getting married will affect your life.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
well if you want to be all pessimistic, life and what you choose to do with your life is frivolous since, no matter what you choose to do, you'll die anyways.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>pessimistic? how so? this is how i see it; i consider it to be realistic. </p>

<p>me rejecting marriage = me not accepting marriage (me just not getting married -- i'm certainly not forcing anyone else to reject marriage!)</p>

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<p>
[quote]
friends, substances, and casual sex partners can fill that void. to each his/her own. marriage is certainly not necessary to survival, and it doesn't accomplish any great task that no other relationship can. it is frivolous. (though being frivolous is not necessarily a bad thing--and it is certainly not the reason i reject marriage.)

[/quote]

what in life is not frivolous by your definition, food? i'm sorry, but this is sort of a dumb philosophy that you're living by...</p>

<p>
[quote]
meh, your logic is a little flawed. firstly, there may be a CORRELATIONAL relationship between single parenthood and poverty, but there is no proven CAUSAL relationship. also, in the case of a single mom, motherhood is probably what most contributed to poverty (or at least more so than singleness--real contributing factors probably include lack of education, poor work ethic, bad childhood, destructive society, et al).. but the point is, anyone with common sense can see that singleness does not cause poverty.

[/quote]

your logic is flawed. so because people no longer get married, people are no longer going to have children?</p>

<p>if all women lived by your philosophy, there would be a heck of a lot more single moms out there.</p>

<p>
[quote]
pessimistic? how so? this is how i see it; i consider it to be realistic.

[/quote]

that does not make sense. whether or not it is realistic is irrelevant to it being pessimistic. classic example of the glass of water: it's a fact that's it both half full and half empty; whether or not you see it as half full or half empty means that your view is optimistic or pessimistic, respectively.</p>

<p>
[quote]
me rejecting marriage = me not accepting marriage (me just not getting married -- i'm certainly not forcing anyone else to reject marriage!)

[/quote]

the tone of your posts is a bit smug and makes you sound as if you think your rejecting marriage makes you superior to those of us who want to get married.</p>

<p>just curious, have you ever done community service in a poor urban area? for example, at an inner city daycare or summer program? also, are you aware of the fact that a majority of single parents have a harder time taking care of children? do you not understand these things, or just ignore them because they make your philosophy look foolish?</p>

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<p>My two cents-- OP, I understand the basics of your post but I think your wording is what's making people jump all over you. Personally, I'm pretty anti-marriage myself mostly because of how high the divorce rate is in this country, and also the fact that I've seen my own family members go through marriages and divorces, often more than once. I've been in love before and it didn't work out, so what's to say it will work out next time? I feel I'm realistic in the fact that I probably won't ever get married. Getting married just to "make things official" or whatever is a stupid reason, imo. My views also probably stem from my not wanting children. There's no real reason to get married if I don't want children, and anyway, I was raised just fine in a single parent household, so even if I did eventually want children, not being married wouldn't deter me from that (I'd adopt). </p>

<p>Also, I'm not against relationships. I enjoy the companionship and intimacy of having a partner, but it's not necessary for me to be a complete person as it seems to be for some.</p>

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<p>just wondering, AUlostchick and ruca, how old are you guys?</p>

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<p>Apparently, men who are single have higher rates of depression while women who are married have higher rates of depression. ***?</p>

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<p>I'm 19, why?</p>

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<p>
[quote]
with today's resources, it's possible to survive as a complete recluse, therefore it's clearly possible to survive without an (<em>emotionally dependent</em>) partner.
[quote/]
</p>

<p>surviving as a complete recluse is even more impossible in today's society. "with today's resources"? Where are you going to get <em>today's</em> resources? Come up with them all by yourself? As for the emotional side and marraige, I think some people value interdependence more than independence.</p>

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<p>As I 19 year old virgin, I'm perplexed. What is this "dating" you're referring to?</p>

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<p>Is this thread supposed to be a joke?</p>

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<p>AUlostchick, you're really young. Your views are most likely going to change drastically in the next 10 years of your life.</p>

<p>
[quote]
Is this thread supposed to be a joke?

[/quote]
What is so bizarre about the OP's question?</p>

<p>I personally think dating is pointless unless you're looking to get married. Sure when you're a young adolescent, you realize the opp. sex doesn't have cooties and has large knockers (or the complement for men...whatever it may be), and you want to explore a different kind of friendship, but I still think it's pointless. Your "relationship" at age 16 will most likely not last (or not last in the capacity that it was at the time). All this BS about being "in love" at age fifteen is sooo laughable.</p>

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<p>I graduate college in a year. I think I have a little more experience than most 19-year-olds. Marriage is something that I see as tying someone down to one place (children do that too, but that's not why I don't want them-- me and babies just don't get along). I want to travel around the world for most of my life and I don't really see that happening if I have to settle down and get married and do a domestic sort of thing. Many of the guys I've met in college want their wives to be stay-at-home moms which is the anti-me. If I did get married, it would have to be with someone who could live anywhere and pick up at a moment's notice to go somewhere. I've just never been one of those girls who wanted to get married and have babies and had the names picked out in seventh grade and dreamed about Prince Charming. </p>

<p>and Central Perky, I don't know if you're still talking to me when you mention the relationships and 'being in love" at age 15 and 16, but that was not me at all. I was 18 and a sophomore in college during my first relationship, and I was very in love with the man (who was 21). But we had a very topsy-turvy relationship from the beginning and it was basically doomed to fail which it eventually did (mainly on his part although I contributed as well); it took me almost a year to really get over it. I know people who got married and had children at age 18 so I don't think you can say that my relationship and love was any more or less real than theirs.</p>

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<p>^No, the only part that was referring to you was the "young" part.</p>

<p>But, I can understand what you're saying. However, the whole homemaker ideas you have probably come from your Southern upbringing. Women aren't so much like that where I live.</p>

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<p>That's the way most marriages seem to be here. I'll most likely be going to grad school down here somewhere as well, so unless I meet a nice foreign boy who doesn't want babies sometime after grad school when I go abroad, my prospects are a little slim. You can understand why I might be a little skeptical. I'm not entirely opposed to marriage, but I just think it's a slim chance of actually happening. I have certain rules and standards (no babies, must be willing to travel the globe, etc) that make it a little hard.</p>

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<p>Bunch of goddamn liberal hippies with their crazytalk!</p>

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<p>um, wraider, I hope you're joking and not being serious...</p>