<p>Although I've basically known that I would be applying to Stanford when I was in 5th grade, now that it's actually time to write down why Stanford is a good place for me, I'm stumped and experiencing some major writer's block. I'm a HUGE Legacy kid (5 family members, and I'd be the 3rd generation to go there), but my GPA isn't up to par with those who get admitted, although my scores are... so in other words, the essays may actually be taken into account for my application.</p>
<p>Here's what I have so far. My only issue with my essay is that I do not think it's personal enough????
HELP</p>
<p>I noticed Stanford has the right balance of everything for me. It is far away from home geographically, but it reminds me a lot of Miami: full of new ideas, very outdoors oriented, and a combination of old and new. The athletic spirit at Stanford balances out the academic rigor the school is known for, the old Spanish-style architecture blends in with new technology, and a vibrant social atmosphere neutralizes the stress to succeed in the classroom. As the oldest child, I also have no problem with being independent and far away from home; in fact, I possess the ability to adapt to new situations where the comfort of home is a bit out of reach. In the academic sense, I feel that no matter what I choose to pursue, all the resources I need would be available to me at any time.
As a kid, my relatives would dress me in Stanford garb. I figured that Stanford was a big family inside joke that made me feel excluded when stories were exchanged. It was not until I entered middle school that I realized how much of an impact Stanford had on each family member and how it would impact me during my application process.
When I asked my mom about some of her fondest memories at Stanford, she mentioned having classes outdoors, her crazy Human Sexuality professor Philip Zimbardo, and cooking weekend breakfasts near Toyon Hall. When I toured the campus the summer before my sophomore year, all of these memories she had described came to my mind again, but instead of having my mother in the scenes, I could easily replace her with myself.
As strict as my college requirements are, Stanford passes with flying colors. Additionally, I have the family angle and the tradition that I have been able to appreciate up close. My family members' good professional careers are attributed to the wonderful education they received at The Farm, and if I were the fifth Reuss family member to be admitted, I could thrive with my personal experiences and add to the longstanding tradition.</p>
<p>P.S. I'm also applying SCEA so this is due pretty soon</p>
<p>I think it’s a little too personal, actually. I think you should mention more of why you’re attracted to the school’s academic offerings. Otherwise, it just kind of sounds like you’re only draw to the school comes from other people’s memories and opinions.</p>
<p>“Additionally, I have the family angle and the tradition that I have been able to appreciate up close. My family members’ good professional careers are attributed to the wonderful education they received at The Farm, and if I were the fifth Reuss family member to be admitted, I could thrive with my personal experiences and add to the longstanding tradition.”</p>
<p>Your essay is pretty damn terrible to be honest. Since you will be the fifth in your family to attend college, I’ll assume you are an upper-middle class white child who has had no problems in your life, except now with this vain issue of getting into Stanford. Your essay basically says “my family went here, and I have to too!”. It’s vain, arrogant, narcissistic, and doesn’t the least bit talk about YOU.</p>
<p>First off, I’m not white. Secondly, who are you to judge who’s had problems or not, and lastly, how is it narcissistic if it doesn’t talk about me?</p>
<p>“As strict as my college requirements are, Stanford passes with flying colors.”</p>
<p>Remember, they are the ones accepting you, not the other way around. That sentence kinda made it seem like Stanford wants you, when in fact it’s you who wants them.</p>
<p>Maybe it just came off that way to me, but it kinda annoyed me, not sure why</p>
<p>Yeah, don’t worry this essay is annoying me as well. I’ve written it and rewritten it about a gajillion times. Currently coming up with a new approach actually, but it’s really hard not to mention the legacy since it’s such a big component of why I was attracted to the school in the first place.</p>
<p>Yeah, I was annoyed by the “Stanford passes with flying colors” bit too. OF COURSE Stanford passes with flying colors, it would for anyone (unless perhaps you’re an English duke or something).</p>
<p>And ok, I’m so sorry that we all assumed that you are white. But I think it’s safe to say that we all did. And because Stanford is a prestigious private university with high tuition costs, and your family has a long history of going there, and because they have “good professional careers”, as you say, it’s very easy to assume that you come from a rich family and have had a general lack of hardship in your life.</p>
<p>It’s narcissistic if it doesn’t talk about you because it sounds like you are an upper-crust snob who feels they deserve admittance to a prestigious university because of their family’s stature.</p>
<p>I’m not saying that you ARE a rich snob or anything like that. I’m saying that that is the feeling that your essay gives. And if that’s the feeling that the essay gives to those of us online who’ve read it, that’s probably what the readers at Stanford will think as well–especially because I’m sure they do have to deal with quite a few snobs.</p>
<p>So, long story short, before you get snippy because we’ve touched a sensitive issue for you (yuppie guilt?), how about you listen to our advice? It doesn’t matter “who [we are] to judge who’s had problems or not”… you did want outside opinions, right?</p>
<p>EDIT: Also, I would take out the word “crazy” in reference to your mom’s professor. Perhaps “unorthodox” or something without a negative connotation. In any case, as people have said, you need to list reasons you want to go to Stanford OTHER than your family’s history. Do you know of any teachers you want to have classes with? If you know what your desired major is, can you give any reasons why you are excited by Stanford’s program for said major? Here is where you can do a little research + ********, by the way, you could just look up who is the department head of whatever major you’re doing, find out a bit about them (such as what kind of degree they have) and say something like, “I am very eager to get the chance to learn ____ from someone as qualified and world-renowned as ________<strong><em>. Learning _</em></strong> has been a dream of mine from a young age, etc etc etc.”</p>
<p>Oh don’t worry I’ve listened I was just taken aback that you would assume I’m white, which was like the main thing for me. I’ve written a completely new essay anyways</p>
<p>Well I suppose he assumed you are white because apparently your whole family went to Stanford, and have successful careers. I’m not trying to be stereotypical, but for the most part, an upper-class family who has gone to a prestigious university are predominately white</p>
<p>They all applied as international applicants from Mexico, but yeah, I would have assumed the same. Would one of you guys be willing to read the new one? (In hopes that it doesn’t annoy you)</p>
<p>crmichi, you posted your essay at 3:00, and by 5:30 you had a new one ready for review. In between you made four posts here. Even without seeing it, I would suggest your new one is probably not a strong application essay for Stanford.</p>
<p>Your first essay was a conglomeration of reasons why you want to go to Stanford: Miami, sports, Spanish architecture, family tradition, mom’s memories. This is not at all what they want in an essay.</p>
<p>They want an essay about YOU. They want to know just who exactly is this girl we’re discussing here at this admissions meeting. Write about your dreams and goals in life. Your weaknesses, your quirks, and your awesomeness. Your personality and voice should come through in the essay. Don’t talk about Stanford – if they want a description of the school they can just look out the window. You are already unique among Stanford applicants not because of your legacy, but because of who YOU are. Show them that uniqueness in the essay. Add some humor if that’s part of you. Try to evoke some emotion in the adcom who reads it. (This is not an easy task.)</p>
<p>^I disagree. This is a “Why Stanford” essay. Yes, he needs to tie in the reasons he has as an individual, but he also needs to capitalize on how Stanford is best for him. Your advice would be correct for the Common App essay or similar type of essay.</p>
<p>I agree more with hypmom. They have a completely different essay asking for an exposition of the application, so I’m pretty sure saying who I am in this one would be completely redundant.</p>
<p>What a flood of comments, some pretty harsh.
I would identify the ONE thing that attracts you to Stanford and how you will be an asset to Stanford as well. Frankly, I’d start over-- I agree with others that the tone is wrong. Good luck!</p>
<p>You don’t tell Stanford you want to go there because…it reminds you of Miami, the architecture blends in with new technology (what does that mean?), you have no problem being away from home, you wore Stanford garb, your mom has great memories, etc. Maybe you are kidding us.</p>
<p>You show absolutely no knowledge of what Stanford is about. That will get your app moved to the wrong pile. Don’t bother arguing with us. 30,000 kids will apply.</p>
<p>For the third essay, the key is to describe the potential relation between Stanford and you. It’s not about describing Stanford’s architecture and greatness. Its not about your family and the legacy. This is your chance to show that you do “get” Stanford and what you could bring to the university. It should not be about your mom’s experience; it should be about the experience YOU might have at the school. Successful ways to show such relations include discussing current subject of interest to you and how they are taught (and why whom) at the school. </p>
<p>Please note that since you’re a multiple legacy, more will be expected from you in terms of knowing the school and how it functions. </p>
<p>And, last but not least, your ONLY chance of writing and submitting an essay that successfully conveys your thoughts and your voice hinges on NOT asking others for input or to review your essay. </p>
<p>If you really belong at Stanford, this essay should be the easiest to write!</p>
<p>Basically agree with xiggi- he/she was kind to offer what is right there on the web site.</p>
<p>Remember, when you seek to convey “your thoughts and your voice,” this essay is not a casual conversation. It is the essay Stanford will read to determine how well you understand their purpose, mission, academic offerings and standards, as well as the level and nature of peer competition. When they say, “Write essays that reflect who you are; use specific concrete details and write in a natural style,” they mean: show us your stuff; show us you are Stanford caliber; show us you have done the homework to know what makes us unique and why you think you are a fit.</p>
<p>Also, though the best words are your own, it is fine to have a qualified educator review to ensure your writing mechanics are in order. I don’t know, but wonder if xiggi meant: don’t ask a forum.</p>
<p>do not listen to anyone that says put professors names to show that you know something about the school. anyone can google search a school and put professors names down to try and show that they know something. name dropping just makes it look like your trying to hard. talk about the program/major your interested and such</p>